chapter sixteen

Peter “Pete” pRatchetpeels prised up his buzz buzz with the following pronouncement: “Department of Practise and Legality of the Fifth Realm of Crapcago, member pRatchetpeels replying.”

“Pete, it’s Dirty. I need help.”

“Vouschafe a moment’s reprieve; my mugga-joe, made monstrously a twinkle ago, is making my maw muddled. There’s a sit-a-plop. Now pray tell the nails and nunnery of your need?”

“There is something here killing people in my office. Whatever this thing is it's been turning people into these living corpses that are trying to kill us.”

“Lying Coupses?”

Dirty dug through his desk drawers demonstrating abundant dexterity in finding the Disseminating Word Book. “A Crank Creepo.”

“Right,” replied Mr. pRatchetpeels. “The Crank Creepo Creator: narry malicious nor mean in nature, the Crank Creepo Creator compulsively needs companions. To hatch this task, the Crank Creepo Creator torrents the spirit with traipsings of the most tantamount intimacies throughout a lifetime.”

“This thing is making us feel happy to death?” Dirty demanded.

“So it seems.”

“Okay, well how do we make it stop from creating new friends?”

"Why would you not want a comrade?"

"Because, Pete, we want to stay alive."

"Right." More tickity tackitys tickled acrost Peter “Pete” pRatchetpeel's type type. “Ah ha! Your devoir: A vial of a virgins vital fluid, the commiserations of comedy and an olive branch.”

“Fuck. We don’t have any of those things.” Dirty eyeballed Satchel and Bel considering if either was un-plucked.

“Something else! Bribe the brute with your being, then subdue the savage with sweet sing-sing for two minutes and sixty-six seconds, finally the fellow will follow you to the chiffonier, firkin or coffer of your finding.”

Dirty’s cerebellum cycled through small spaces that could house the monstrosity.

“An accidental idea of paltry consideration. The subdued beast shall proceed anon, though the singer should grasp the two minutes and sixty-six seconds is all the space that the spell will last.

“Thanks Pete. Thanks a lot. That could help us.” Quiet consumed him then Dirty continued, “Look if I don’t talk to you give my love to Lilly Liverroot.”

With that he broke off the buzz buzz. “This is going to take crackerjack timing.”