the worm. quiet, gentle, pretty boring on the surface, kinda interesting underneath.
the bird. singing, flying, twitching.
the worm's life is dominated by earth and grass and silent progress.
the bird never stops moving. always with the moving. always with the pursuit of the next meal, the next twig for the nest, the next....whatever.
they need each other. the worm needs something to dream about. and who doesn't dream about flying?
the bird needs to be grounded. to be of the earth. if for no other reason than to be reminded of the glory that is flight when it happens. to enjoy riding the thermals of a summer day the bird needs to hop around feebly in the long grass.
the worm doesn't have the most amazing dreams. simple pleasures are enough. the worm doesn't want to know what it's like to glide over the grand canyon, it just wants to know what the yard would look like from on top of the old barn. simple.
the bird may not dream at all. what's the point? when you can fly. when you can sing. when you're noticed for your grace and beauty. everything should dream of being a bird.
they need each other. the bird and the worm. they'll never get to where they want to go without the other. it sounds odd but it's true, even from the worm's perspective. what's life without danger? without dreams? without variety?
so the worm seeks out the bird. spends a little too long trying to reveal itself among the grass and rain water. and the worm knows what the bird will do. the eating. it's what birds do. the worm is okay with this. the worm sees more than we know. they need each other.
sometimes i think the worm is just a patsy condemned by it's nature to a limited life.
sometimes i think the worm is fucking brilliant.
but maybe i'm reading too much into this...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Cat or Dogs ?
I was at a barbecue over this long weekend and the thing that took me by surprise was the overwhelming questions that came my way .
Some where about daily things simple nuances like my favorite Wine , to are Gin and Tonics really the perfect summer drink ?
I was saying the main question that kept coming up was of the guys lets just call him Tony .
Was perplexed as to why he is not scoring with the ladies as much as he would like to I sat down and listened to his plight Tony is a 22 years old.
The thing is Tony is at that stage where he wants to slam bam make me a sandwich and invite your girlfriends over kind of guy .
Tony is still under the delusion that a guy can talk a women into having sex .
I had to pass on a tip that a wise man told me, which once tested has proven to be the most important piece of information a man can have in his arsenal of understanding things when it comes to the game of sex , not love but sex yet they are intertwined yet different ..
Anyway After stressing to Tony the importance of using protection and even more, that if a women does grant him the privilege of sexual intimacy to be a gentle and generous lover .
I broke it down for him, lets say he's dealing with women that are 25 and older a persons sexual personality can be broken down into
3 categories .
When you strike up a conversation with a women ask this deal breaking question :
" So do you have any pets " or "So are you a Dog or Cat Person "
What !!! you may say !
Am I sentencing this young man to a lifetime of Marinanating his own meat ?
We all understand the difference between the two animals there personality, and what they each bring and that's the key to understanding the female owner
Cats:
We all know that cats are prissy to say the least affectionate they can be but a lets face it a Cat doesn't need our undivided attention they come and get petted, when they please they come and bug you for there food or when there litter is dirty . They want to sit on your lap when there ready and to heck with what you were doing .then after all that they leave .
To go and clean themselves or do what ever it is that they do .
This is a tricky situation women who have cats are much like there pet .
They don't really need you, and they make that known what some people call bitchy in there appearance is really a Prissiness that they give off like cats .
So what does that mean for a guy trying to get on, if a women says she has a cat .
Dating her will be a Challenge .
How is that because if you can deal with the prissiness and if she considers you to be worthy the first step , she will decide to make time for you, but her alone time is everything to her because like a her pet she doesn't need you, but she will call you when she feels like it, at odd times in the day for you to come out and entertain her and when she's done then she has to return to her PLACE most of the time alone .
Side note:: you may say what about people who own Birds or Lizard I say shut up and stop asking about pets that no body really cares about .
Dogs :
I would never imply that Dogs are for people who need to be assured easily .
Because that is the overall assumption or wise tail ect .
I consider dogs to be more like a small hyper yet loving child ( now before you get your Depends in bunge let me try to elaborate)
We all know that dogs, unlike cats seek to please . we all know that unlike cats dogs take up more of your time they require walking play time ,ect .that alone is a big part of understanding a women who is a dog lover if you are mature enough you can deal with this women's Child be warned the dog has to be on the dates so if you are smart set all dates for place that dogs cannot go !!
Other wise you've turned into this surrogate dog owner and that can be a pain especially if you hate dogs .
But back to the Women the nurturing side of her reigns supreme especially after she has passed the preteen stage because women are generally smarter then men ( don't pout guys it's true )
They can ration out there time better and mature enough to know that they want to hang out with a guy what does that mean for dating ?
More laid back but there time is occupied basically the bigger the dog the more time is required to deal with that pet so you will have to wait for the her to be open ( we are talking about women so nothing is ever easy )
And three She doesn't own a pet !
This is the most complex and frustrating category because she doesn't have time for either pet , her free time is more open but that doesn't mean she will hang out with you more let alone sleep with you any faster .
And remember she has girlfriends who either have cats to dogs as pets which can means the plot only thickens.
( again we are talking about women so nothing is easy )
You will notice at no time have I mentioned which type of women is easier to get into bed because any smart man knows that from the time she says it's o.k. to call her she has already decided when she will do YOU and in what fashion it will take place .
The key is for you not to say something stupid .
But by understanding these characteristics the key to not saying something that will land you in Jack off town is imperative .
Some where about daily things simple nuances like my favorite Wine , to are Gin and Tonics really the perfect summer drink ?
I was saying the main question that kept coming up was of the guys lets just call him Tony .
Was perplexed as to why he is not scoring with the ladies as much as he would like to I sat down and listened to his plight Tony is a 22 years old.
The thing is Tony is at that stage where he wants to slam bam make me a sandwich and invite your girlfriends over kind of guy .
Tony is still under the delusion that a guy can talk a women into having sex .
I had to pass on a tip that a wise man told me, which once tested has proven to be the most important piece of information a man can have in his arsenal of understanding things when it comes to the game of sex , not love but sex yet they are intertwined yet different ..
Anyway After stressing to Tony the importance of using protection and even more, that if a women does grant him the privilege of sexual intimacy to be a gentle and generous lover .
I broke it down for him, lets say he's dealing with women that are 25 and older a persons sexual personality can be broken down into
3 categories .
When you strike up a conversation with a women ask this deal breaking question :
" So do you have any pets " or "So are you a Dog or Cat Person "
What !!! you may say !
Am I sentencing this young man to a lifetime of Marinanating his own meat ?
We all understand the difference between the two animals there personality, and what they each bring and that's the key to understanding the female owner
Cats:
We all know that cats are prissy to say the least affectionate they can be but a lets face it a Cat doesn't need our undivided attention they come and get petted, when they please they come and bug you for there food or when there litter is dirty . They want to sit on your lap when there ready and to heck with what you were doing .then after all that they leave .
To go and clean themselves or do what ever it is that they do .
This is a tricky situation women who have cats are much like there pet .
They don't really need you, and they make that known what some people call bitchy in there appearance is really a Prissiness that they give off like cats .
So what does that mean for a guy trying to get on, if a women says she has a cat .
Dating her will be a Challenge .
How is that because if you can deal with the prissiness and if she considers you to be worthy the first step , she will decide to make time for you, but her alone time is everything to her because like a her pet she doesn't need you, but she will call you when she feels like it, at odd times in the day for you to come out and entertain her and when she's done then she has to return to her PLACE most of the time alone .
Side note:: you may say what about people who own Birds or Lizard I say shut up and stop asking about pets that no body really cares about .
Dogs :
I would never imply that Dogs are for people who need to be assured easily .
Because that is the overall assumption or wise tail ect .
I consider dogs to be more like a small hyper yet loving child ( now before you get your Depends in bunge let me try to elaborate)
We all know that dogs, unlike cats seek to please . we all know that unlike cats dogs take up more of your time they require walking play time ,ect .that alone is a big part of understanding a women who is a dog lover if you are mature enough you can deal with this women's Child be warned the dog has to be on the dates so if you are smart set all dates for place that dogs cannot go !!
Other wise you've turned into this surrogate dog owner and that can be a pain especially if you hate dogs .
But back to the Women the nurturing side of her reigns supreme especially after she has passed the preteen stage because women are generally smarter then men ( don't pout guys it's true )
They can ration out there time better and mature enough to know that they want to hang out with a guy what does that mean for dating ?
More laid back but there time is occupied basically the bigger the dog the more time is required to deal with that pet so you will have to wait for the her to be open ( we are talking about women so nothing is ever easy )
And three She doesn't own a pet !
This is the most complex and frustrating category because she doesn't have time for either pet , her free time is more open but that doesn't mean she will hang out with you more let alone sleep with you any faster .
And remember she has girlfriends who either have cats to dogs as pets which can means the plot only thickens.
( again we are talking about women so nothing is easy )
You will notice at no time have I mentioned which type of women is easier to get into bed because any smart man knows that from the time she says it's o.k. to call her she has already decided when she will do YOU and in what fashion it will take place .
The key is for you not to say something stupid .
But by understanding these characteristics the key to not saying something that will land you in Jack off town is imperative .
Friday, May 26, 2006
Comments and Concerns: II
* Why yes, sometimes I do enjoy crossing my arms, like a superhero, when I pee.
* I think the best days in life are those that I have "Let's Get Nuts" by Def Leopard in my head.
* Are we honestly supposed to believe Jay Z and that of his 99 problems his bitch isn't one? Do baby's Mommas fit into the general category of one's bitches?
* Do you think Neo secretly made fun of Morpheus behind Morpheus back because Morpheus wasn't as good at Matrixing? I guess Neo could probably do it to Morpheus' face, what the fuck does Neo care?
* Sometimes I like to go and ask my English friends "Hey, why the long face?" Not because they're sad but because they all look like horses.
* Whatever happened to the descriptive noun or adjective "Stud Muffin"?
* I don't think that I need to be the center of attention I only believe that in the not to distant future, science will discover that the universe does revolve around me. Take that Galileo.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
A New Barrett for President (or at least your starting All Star National League Catcher)
There comes a time in all red blooded American's lives when a stand must be taken. When a man, or woman, must heft up their spear and draw line. This line may be drawn directly underneath the nose of one's enemies, it may, as is the case of our current Presidential administration, be drawn behind one's enemies. But regardless it is an ultimatum to the other individual stating that this is where you do not cross.
It is with these humble beginnings to a campaign that I, a citizen of this fine country of ours, nominate Michael Barrett for President of the United States of America. But since the election is not for another two years and a further handicap of being raised on MTV and not allowed the grace of remembering anything for longer than a hour, I challenge voters and keepers of this fine game of ours to vote Michael Barrett into being your next starting catcher for the National League.
Michael came from humble beginnings in the backwoods town of Atlanta, Georgia. A place that time has seemingly forgotten. A simpler place where the question of "What sort of Coke do you want" isn't an invitation to limit oneself with the choice of "Cherry" or "Diet" or even "Coca-Cola Classic" but is bumpkin enough that it includes all form of sodas.
This man is a fighter, somebody that will go toe to toe with evil. It is surely his father that was at Lexington and Concord that fired the first shot and declared our Country’s independence. After his presidency, historians will probably discover ties to Einstein, to various nobilities from Europe as well as, Adam and Even themselves.
His quality was proven, yet again last Saturday the 20th as he did what all other men have to this point been too cowardly to do. He let loose with a mighty thwack on the skull of a Bitch Sux. In an echo that proves his stock and lineage he sent the evil one to the ground.
And now America, the challenge is for you. Please, pick up your pens, click on this link, vote for Michael Barrett, and give him the respect that he deserves. This act shall be the trumpet to all the rest of the catchers in this fine institution of ours. This line, this promise, this Americana of old: Whenever the Bitch Suck scores, you cold cock him in the face.
Good night and God bless you Michael Barrett.
It is with these humble beginnings to a campaign that I, a citizen of this fine country of ours, nominate Michael Barrett for President of the United States of America. But since the election is not for another two years and a further handicap of being raised on MTV and not allowed the grace of remembering anything for longer than a hour, I challenge voters and keepers of this fine game of ours to vote Michael Barrett into being your next starting catcher for the National League.Michael came from humble beginnings in the backwoods town of Atlanta, Georgia. A place that time has seemingly forgotten. A simpler place where the question of "What sort of Coke do you want" isn't an invitation to limit oneself with the choice of "Cherry" or "Diet" or even "Coca-Cola Classic" but is bumpkin enough that it includes all form of sodas.
This man is a fighter, somebody that will go toe to toe with evil. It is surely his father that was at Lexington and Concord that fired the first shot and declared our Country’s independence. After his presidency, historians will probably discover ties to Einstein, to various nobilities from Europe as well as, Adam and Even themselves.
His quality was proven, yet again last Saturday the 20th as he did what all other men have to this point been too cowardly to do. He let loose with a mighty thwack on the skull of a Bitch Sux. In an echo that proves his stock and lineage he sent the evil one to the ground.
And now America, the challenge is for you. Please, pick up your pens, click on this link, vote for Michael Barrett, and give him the respect that he deserves. This act shall be the trumpet to all the rest of the catchers in this fine institution of ours. This line, this promise, this Americana of old: Whenever the Bitch Suck scores, you cold cock him in the face.
Good night and God bless you Michael Barrett.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Now That's a Thinker
A few questions that I could use an answer to as I move through yet another fantastic morning in Cuburbia.
If Dick Cheney is Darth Vader then does that make his daughter Leia? And if so would it be a sexual milestone for lesbians if she wore her hair in sidebuns and strutted around in the bikini from Return of the Jedi?
Can he be Darth if there is no good in him?
What's the proper way to bring up nutcup technology with other softball players? Sliding pants vs. old fashioned supporters isn't something I normally get into.
Were the old athletic supporters with their supergay straps and their ability to move your junk into new and surprisingly unpleasant positions 100% effective in shaming some kids into quitting sports?
How does one ask someone if it seems like my nutcup sticks out a bit more than theirs? It's not because I'm hung like Chuck Norris or anything, I just have giant balls, but maybe I look like a nervous 8th grader out there who can't keep his tackle in the box.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how nerdalicious is it to review stats from your own softball game?
What if it's the highlight of your Tuesday afternoon?
And parts of Wednesday? Y'know, at least until Lost comes on the ol' tube.
If there is a heaven (I'm hoping yes) will you be able to go back and tivo your life? Will there be G rated versions so you can watch with your family without having to worry about them seeing you at your stupid best?
Help me out here peoples...
If Dick Cheney is Darth Vader then does that make his daughter Leia? And if so would it be a sexual milestone for lesbians if she wore her hair in sidebuns and strutted around in the bikini from Return of the Jedi?
Can he be Darth if there is no good in him?
What's the proper way to bring up nutcup technology with other softball players? Sliding pants vs. old fashioned supporters isn't something I normally get into.
Were the old athletic supporters with their supergay straps and their ability to move your junk into new and surprisingly unpleasant positions 100% effective in shaming some kids into quitting sports?
How does one ask someone if it seems like my nutcup sticks out a bit more than theirs? It's not because I'm hung like Chuck Norris or anything, I just have giant balls, but maybe I look like a nervous 8th grader out there who can't keep his tackle in the box.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how nerdalicious is it to review stats from your own softball game?
What if it's the highlight of your Tuesday afternoon?
And parts of Wednesday? Y'know, at least until Lost comes on the ol' tube.
If there is a heaven (I'm hoping yes) will you be able to go back and tivo your life? Will there be G rated versions so you can watch with your family without having to worry about them seeing you at your stupid best?
Help me out here peoples...
Friday, May 19, 2006
Random
There is a rising surge amongst the people they clamor for Change .
And in the midst of this turmoil a hero has risen from the ashes of his former self to aspire to new heights.
Is it possible for ONE Man to take on the problems of the world and face them head on , is it possible for one man to salvage civilization as we know it reshape it into something miraculous something we all can be hope to show our future children .
Yes that time has come and that time is now !!!
SIRMANE
Coming Soon ....
And in the midst of this turmoil a hero has risen from the ashes of his former self to aspire to new heights.
Is it possible for ONE Man to take on the problems of the world and face them head on , is it possible for one man to salvage civilization as we know it reshape it into something miraculous something we all can be hope to show our future children .
Yes that time has come and that time is now !!!
SIRMANE
Coming Soon ....
The Interview Bootlegs: Remo, Heroes of the Rebellions
If it’s Friday… It’s Remo!!!
I met Remo in his Mom’s basement (a.k.a. The Vault) where he has been consumed with watching movies after movies and working in seclusion to craft his Perfect Article. An article that he claims “Will have the raw emotion of Arnold Schwartzeneger in Predator, the wisdom of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China and the heart of Sylvestor Stallone in Oscar.” The article still doesn’t have a release date though Remo is shooting for early 2010.
Mule: If and God forbid, Han Solo and Mal (Captain of the Serenity in the hit show Firefly) were to somehow become angered at each other and fisticuffs erupted. Who would you like in the fight?
Remo: The abridged version is neither man would win. The fight would last long into the 10th hour and eventually both men would bleed out still locked in a death grip. But with weapons I’d have to go Mal, not having fought in the Clone Wars Han is at a disadvantage.
Mule: Well, that's the rub isn't it. I guess I was thinking more of Han after the war with the rebellion. Surely you can't go against his military service in those battles?
Remo: Point taken,
However he would be older than Mal at that point. Mal is also physically bigger, muscle mass wise. The real kicker would be the background action. Jayne and Zoe launching hundreds of rounds into a mighty ticked off Wookie. I mean if he got close enough… goodnight, Jayne’s a big guy, but c’mon Chewie’s a fucking Wookie.
Then of course there’s Luke who would immediately have to go after River sensing her power, but then River would go postal, not having a light saber would be her downfall, but she may get a few good licks in temporarily taking Luke out of the picture, cause lets face it Luke was never the “toughest” jedi on the block, well of course he was the only Jedi on the block for a time.
Anyway after Chewy dispatches Jayne, and mortally wounds Zoe, he hops in the Falcon and takes to the sky with Lando to stop Serenity’s low level flyby assault. Serenity is of course no match, but Chewy realizes that R2 has snuck aboard Serenity to wreak havoc on their flight systems so he can only pursue. He doesn’t count on Wash’s flying ability, as Wash goes for a full burn in atmo. The Falcon, then, has to leave our hero’s [Mal and Han Solo] locked in mortal combat. Ironically, the Falcon still doesn’t have its hyper drive in order so it’s a pretty even race. Whilst in the air Kaylee gets in a stand off with R2. Wrench to shock dart, it’s a real thing to see.
Back planet side it’s toe to toe knuckle to knuckle as neither man will take the defensive. On the side 3PO and Doc Tam are hugging yelling, ‘Stop it, stop it!’ Little did they all know Shepherd book is on the Falcon…
I would watch it again and again, especially because Inara and Leia are in the cat fight to end all catfights.
And yes I plan on never getting laid again.
I met Remo in his Mom’s basement (a.k.a. The Vault) where he has been consumed with watching movies after movies and working in seclusion to craft his Perfect Article. An article that he claims “Will have the raw emotion of Arnold Schwartzeneger in Predator, the wisdom of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China and the heart of Sylvestor Stallone in Oscar.” The article still doesn’t have a release date though Remo is shooting for early 2010.
Mule: If and God forbid, Han Solo and Mal (Captain of the Serenity in the hit show Firefly) were to somehow become angered at each other and fisticuffs erupted. Who would you like in the fight?
Remo: The abridged version is neither man would win. The fight would last long into the 10th hour and eventually both men would bleed out still locked in a death grip. But with weapons I’d have to go Mal, not having fought in the Clone Wars Han is at a disadvantage.
Mule: Well, that's the rub isn't it. I guess I was thinking more of Han after the war with the rebellion. Surely you can't go against his military service in those battles?
Remo: Point taken,
However he would be older than Mal at that point. Mal is also physically bigger, muscle mass wise. The real kicker would be the background action. Jayne and Zoe launching hundreds of rounds into a mighty ticked off Wookie. I mean if he got close enough… goodnight, Jayne’s a big guy, but c’mon Chewie’s a fucking Wookie.
Then of course there’s Luke who would immediately have to go after River sensing her power, but then River would go postal, not having a light saber would be her downfall, but she may get a few good licks in temporarily taking Luke out of the picture, cause lets face it Luke was never the “toughest” jedi on the block, well of course he was the only Jedi on the block for a time.
Anyway after Chewy dispatches Jayne, and mortally wounds Zoe, he hops in the Falcon and takes to the sky with Lando to stop Serenity’s low level flyby assault. Serenity is of course no match, but Chewy realizes that R2 has snuck aboard Serenity to wreak havoc on their flight systems so he can only pursue. He doesn’t count on Wash’s flying ability, as Wash goes for a full burn in atmo. The Falcon, then, has to leave our hero’s [Mal and Han Solo] locked in mortal combat. Ironically, the Falcon still doesn’t have its hyper drive in order so it’s a pretty even race. Whilst in the air Kaylee gets in a stand off with R2. Wrench to shock dart, it’s a real thing to see.
Back planet side it’s toe to toe knuckle to knuckle as neither man will take the defensive. On the side 3PO and Doc Tam are hugging yelling, ‘Stop it, stop it!’ Little did they all know Shepherd book is on the Falcon…
I would watch it again and again, especially because Inara and Leia are in the cat fight to end all catfights.
And yes I plan on never getting laid again.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
A Disturbance in Nerdom
One of my long time buddies is changing his views on a lot subjects that are important to the very existence of Geekness .
I mean this guy puts the erd in Nerd but those days are fading and so is my patience for his blasphemy.
( Pardon I started to lose it on that one, anyway )
His comments lately have been down right insulting to some truths that I hold sacred, so sacred that ending our friendship is the only way (or I could slay him ? Anyway ) .
He claims that even though he is now not into the topics below he still thinks he should keep his nerd status I don't think so .again should I slay him ?
Is it Possible to be a nerd if you Don like Comic Books ?
Is it possible to be a nerd if you don't like Star Wars , Lord of the Rings or
The Matrix ?
Is it Possible to be a nerd if you don't like Anime ?
I mean this guy puts the erd in Nerd but those days are fading and so is my patience for his blasphemy.
( Pardon I started to lose it on that one, anyway )
His comments lately have been down right insulting to some truths that I hold sacred, so sacred that ending our friendship is the only way (or I could slay him ? Anyway ) .
He claims that even though he is now not into the topics below he still thinks he should keep his nerd status I don't think so .again should I slay him ?
Is it Possible to be a nerd if you Don like Comic Books ?
Is it possible to be a nerd if you don't like Star Wars , Lord of the Rings or
The Matrix ?
Is it Possible to be a nerd if you don't like Anime ?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Metrosexuals are for Venus
I was enjoying a pitcher of Hamms at the only bar that really matters, reading the Onion and plotting the death of the world when I overheard the following conversation:
“So what am I doing wrong, you're a girl right? Help me out here, what do you find attractive in a guy?” He begins, unfolding an accoutrement in a way made more comfortable after several glasses of beer.
“I don’t know,” she says, fidgeting with the straw in her drink. The straws is bent over the top where she holds it while taking sips. “I guess if they smell nice, they dress good, if they have confidence.”
He sinks a little lower in his seat, taking aim at her with his cigarette, “Whaddya mean? Like give me an example.”
She stirs her drink a little then says somebody’s name.
He takes a sip off of his accoutrement, exhaling like he is in a movie. “Really? But he looks like a woman. I mean he’s got a huge forehead and a piss poor sense of humor. I thought that most women like a guy who is funny?”
She takes too long of a sip off of her drink, but he doesn’t pick up on it. She continues “We only tell that to guys to make them feel better. It’s kind of like when we tell a guy that their dick is the biggest one that we’ve ever seen.”
He’s taken aback at this and waves the waitress over for another beer. She begins again with “It’s like how most guys only know that they have to wear a brown belt with brown shoes and how black doesn’t go with blue; to guys that’s any black with any blue. Most guys don’t know that there are many different types of blue and most of them, outside of a navy blue actually do go with black.”
“It’s like my entire world is crumbling in on me.” he says in a way meant to change the subject.
She wants none of it, the great train of woman has finally begun to roll and for one shiny moment a poor bastard is cornered and will have to learn the means of fashion. Her diarrhea of the mouth centers on attention to detail; there might be a need to establish a base color within a wardrobe followed by how nobody in their right mind should ever wear a one color shirt and for heaven’s sake do try and wear a decent pair of shoes.
He fires up another cigarette, “But he’s an asshole. All he cares about is himself?”
I considered buying him a drink, trying to ease his pain but his ego is far too fragile and a drink, however much to sympathize with him could be misconstrued. Instead I call up my faithful slave Pedro. Despite his feline handicap he begrudgingly picks up the phone and listens to my instructions on inventorying my wardrobe and then taking a quick polling of all of the women in my cell phone.
I quicken my pace through the rest of my pitcher and head home where Pedro is pleased with the polling results and the rudimentary graphs that he’s made. I quickly tear them up demanding just the facts!
With 7.5% of all the women in my phone accepting polling (that’s two out of fifteen), a number that was higher than anticipated, Pedro discovered that my overall sense of fashion has gone from Hangover Chic to Simply Sympathetic. After I stared at him blankly, he explained in cat tongue that this was a good thing. Showing me, via evolution chart, that I had matured, that I had gone beyond drunken and loose women and onto the level of woman that would now like me out of sympathy.
He reiterated that this is a good thing, I’m making positive steps in life.
He’s a good cat.
“So what am I doing wrong, you're a girl right? Help me out here, what do you find attractive in a guy?” He begins, unfolding an accoutrement in a way made more comfortable after several glasses of beer.
“I don’t know,” she says, fidgeting with the straw in her drink. The straws is bent over the top where she holds it while taking sips. “I guess if they smell nice, they dress good, if they have confidence.”
He sinks a little lower in his seat, taking aim at her with his cigarette, “Whaddya mean? Like give me an example.”
She stirs her drink a little then says somebody’s name.
He takes a sip off of his accoutrement, exhaling like he is in a movie. “Really? But he looks like a woman. I mean he’s got a huge forehead and a piss poor sense of humor. I thought that most women like a guy who is funny?”
She takes too long of a sip off of her drink, but he doesn’t pick up on it. She continues “We only tell that to guys to make them feel better. It’s kind of like when we tell a guy that their dick is the biggest one that we’ve ever seen.”
He’s taken aback at this and waves the waitress over for another beer. She begins again with “It’s like how most guys only know that they have to wear a brown belt with brown shoes and how black doesn’t go with blue; to guys that’s any black with any blue. Most guys don’t know that there are many different types of blue and most of them, outside of a navy blue actually do go with black.”
“It’s like my entire world is crumbling in on me.” he says in a way meant to change the subject.
She wants none of it, the great train of woman has finally begun to roll and for one shiny moment a poor bastard is cornered and will have to learn the means of fashion. Her diarrhea of the mouth centers on attention to detail; there might be a need to establish a base color within a wardrobe followed by how nobody in their right mind should ever wear a one color shirt and for heaven’s sake do try and wear a decent pair of shoes.
He fires up another cigarette, “But he’s an asshole. All he cares about is himself?”
I considered buying him a drink, trying to ease his pain but his ego is far too fragile and a drink, however much to sympathize with him could be misconstrued. Instead I call up my faithful slave Pedro. Despite his feline handicap he begrudgingly picks up the phone and listens to my instructions on inventorying my wardrobe and then taking a quick polling of all of the women in my cell phone.
I quicken my pace through the rest of my pitcher and head home where Pedro is pleased with the polling results and the rudimentary graphs that he’s made. I quickly tear them up demanding just the facts!
With 7.5% of all the women in my phone accepting polling (that’s two out of fifteen), a number that was higher than anticipated, Pedro discovered that my overall sense of fashion has gone from Hangover Chic to Simply Sympathetic. After I stared at him blankly, he explained in cat tongue that this was a good thing. Showing me, via evolution chart, that I had matured, that I had gone beyond drunken and loose women and onto the level of woman that would now like me out of sympathy.
He reiterated that this is a good thing, I’m making positive steps in life.
He’s a good cat.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Softball and the Movies - An Ongoing Saga
Baseball and hot dogs.
Bird Poop and BMWs.
Softball and the Movies.
Some things are just meant to go together.
Lately I haven't been able to focus on much other than softball and Anchorman. Don't know why....Okay I do. I love softball and I just watched Anchorman for the 5th time in 6 months the other day.
Anywho I can't get the quotes out of my head from the movie AND I pretty much have a constant loop of my at bats running through my noggin the rest of the time. So I'm combining the two into a fantastic recap of the ol' monday night softball game.
"Maybe you should stop talking for a while Champ"
To Remo for his rambling dissertations about softball strategy that generally are the opposite of what a good team would do. Fantastic stuff.
"Milk was a Bad Choice!"
To JB for drinking anything after taking a wicked hop to the area rappers like to call his "grill".
"You ate an entire wheel of cheese and then pooped in the fridge? I'm not even mad...that's amazing!"
To Mule for making two sliding stabs at nasty grounders 30 seconds apart from each other. He was 1 for 2. Which was roughly 9000 percent better fielding then we had all last year.
"I'm a pretty big deal...People know me."
To Greggy for his monster homerun into the wind.
"I'm just gonna put this out there and you do what you want with it...I want to be on you."
To our Ump who has made it abundantly clear that he likes umping games in the summer because of all the hot chicks in the crowd. He doesn't seem to mind that most of these women are either really young OR related to the team in some fashion.
"I am in a glass cage of emotion!"
To Chaz, for bringing all the intensity needed for the entire team.
"News Team, let's hunt!"
To Greg and me for finally saying fuck the wind let's hit some homeruns and then doing it.
"Aw c'mon, this getting rigoddamndiculous!"
To our entire team getting destroyed by a solid but unspectacular team.
"Mr. Burgundy You have a Gigantic Erection!"
"Don't act like you're not impressed."
To everyone still adjusting to wearing a nutcup and adjusting it roughly 112 times a game. It's the pleats.
The Sex Panther cologne Award goes out to our entire team as well. Post game beer and nachos were consumed despite our team easily qualifying as "pungent" thanks to sweat, general odors and rain.
"What smells like the inside of a prosthetic leg?"
Bird Poop and BMWs.
Softball and the Movies.
Some things are just meant to go together.
Lately I haven't been able to focus on much other than softball and Anchorman. Don't know why....Okay I do. I love softball and I just watched Anchorman for the 5th time in 6 months the other day.
Anywho I can't get the quotes out of my head from the movie AND I pretty much have a constant loop of my at bats running through my noggin the rest of the time. So I'm combining the two into a fantastic recap of the ol' monday night softball game.
"Maybe you should stop talking for a while Champ"
To Remo for his rambling dissertations about softball strategy that generally are the opposite of what a good team would do. Fantastic stuff.
"Milk was a Bad Choice!"
To JB for drinking anything after taking a wicked hop to the area rappers like to call his "grill".
"You ate an entire wheel of cheese and then pooped in the fridge? I'm not even mad...that's amazing!"
To Mule for making two sliding stabs at nasty grounders 30 seconds apart from each other. He was 1 for 2. Which was roughly 9000 percent better fielding then we had all last year.
"I'm a pretty big deal...People know me."
To Greggy for his monster homerun into the wind.
"I'm just gonna put this out there and you do what you want with it...I want to be on you."
To our Ump who has made it abundantly clear that he likes umping games in the summer because of all the hot chicks in the crowd. He doesn't seem to mind that most of these women are either really young OR related to the team in some fashion.
"I am in a glass cage of emotion!"
To Chaz, for bringing all the intensity needed for the entire team.
"News Team, let's hunt!"
To Greg and me for finally saying fuck the wind let's hit some homeruns and then doing it.
"Aw c'mon, this getting rigoddamndiculous!"
To our entire team getting destroyed by a solid but unspectacular team.
"Mr. Burgundy You have a Gigantic Erection!"
"Don't act like you're not impressed."
To everyone still adjusting to wearing a nutcup and adjusting it roughly 112 times a game. It's the pleats.
The Sex Panther cologne Award goes out to our entire team as well. Post game beer and nachos were consumed despite our team easily qualifying as "pungent" thanks to sweat, general odors and rain.
"What smells like the inside of a prosthetic leg?"
Monday, May 15, 2006
Simple Car Question
With the Knight Rider Series coming to the big screen ( Don't act like your not happy about that )
Does that mean that Kit will be a Hybrid ?
Which car is better ?
The Mach 5 or KIT ?
Does that mean that Kit will be a Hybrid ?
Which car is better ?
The Mach 5 or KIT ?
Friday, May 12, 2006
Role Play!!!!!!!
We've been picking up a lot of chatter in the community lately folks. Little snippets of conversation at the corner bar (or deli for you non-drinkers). Emails from Bob in Pequot Lakes and illicit phone calls to the BMC 24 hour hotline (1-800-BMC-LOVE). Some might be troubled by the commentary but not us, we're the BMC after all. We have what equates to a euphemism for sex in our name, and potentially violent sex at that, so you know we're not fucking around.
The question, of course, is who would we be if we were characters on Little House on the Prairie. It's a valid question. And timely. I've done much research on this subject and I think I've got it sorted out. Keep in mind that all these references pertain to life OUTSIDE the bedroom. INSIDE the bedroom we'd all be Pa. Michael Landon was loved by the ladies and we all know he could put it down. Don't even fuck with Pa...
...Well unless you're a smoking hot lady, like Ma, that is. Then go ahead and do what you like. I thought I should clarify that. Again this is an outside/inside the bedroom situation. Pa throws the ladies down IN the bedroom and roughs up the troubling outsiders OUTSIDE the bedroom. We clear? There's a reason you never saw the magic potion flimflam man in Pa's bedroom. Flimflam man knows how Pa gets down. Highway to Heaven indeed.
So, first the easy ones. Todd Dancer is clearly Nellie.
Always causing problems for the rest of us and then running for cover. Kind of a pretty boy (in his mind anyway). Plus he calls Mule "daddy Olson" and asks for hugs. To Mule's credit he only hugged him the one time and then immediately burned the shirt he was wearing. While it was still on.
Remo is handy and entertaining without ever doing a whole lot of damage. He's clearly Doc. Aiding when he can and just passing off random bits of knowledge when he can't. Fortunately none of us at BMC get sick very often because Remo hasn't been around much.
Balddee is, without a doubt, Almonzo. For one thing he would be the only one of us who would knock up Half Pint and also he has a bizarre name for a white boy. I like to think that Almonzo was the staff of Little House's plan to make people think they were diverse.
"hey we need to have a black actor on the show".
"I have an idea, let's give a lilywhite dude a black guy's name and see if anyone notices."
It clearly worked.
Mule gets a little tricky. I'm tempted to go in one of many different directions here but I think he was Mr. Edwards. Weird but friendly, a solid history of imbibing heavily. Kinda smelly. Yep, he's Mr. Edwards.
And me? I'm Mr. Olson. Come and get your hug Todd. Come to daddy.
Nah wait fuck that I'm Pa inside and outside the bedroom. Ladies wanna see my fiddle?
The question, of course, is who would we be if we were characters on Little House on the Prairie. It's a valid question. And timely. I've done much research on this subject and I think I've got it sorted out. Keep in mind that all these references pertain to life OUTSIDE the bedroom. INSIDE the bedroom we'd all be Pa. Michael Landon was loved by the ladies and we all know he could put it down. Don't even fuck with Pa...
...Well unless you're a smoking hot lady, like Ma, that is. Then go ahead and do what you like. I thought I should clarify that. Again this is an outside/inside the bedroom situation. Pa throws the ladies down IN the bedroom and roughs up the troubling outsiders OUTSIDE the bedroom. We clear? There's a reason you never saw the magic potion flimflam man in Pa's bedroom. Flimflam man knows how Pa gets down. Highway to Heaven indeed.
So, first the easy ones. Todd Dancer is clearly Nellie.
Always causing problems for the rest of us and then running for cover. Kind of a pretty boy (in his mind anyway). Plus he calls Mule "daddy Olson" and asks for hugs. To Mule's credit he only hugged him the one time and then immediately burned the shirt he was wearing. While it was still on.
Remo is handy and entertaining without ever doing a whole lot of damage. He's clearly Doc. Aiding when he can and just passing off random bits of knowledge when he can't. Fortunately none of us at BMC get sick very often because Remo hasn't been around much.
Balddee is, without a doubt, Almonzo. For one thing he would be the only one of us who would knock up Half Pint and also he has a bizarre name for a white boy. I like to think that Almonzo was the staff of Little House's plan to make people think they were diverse.
"hey we need to have a black actor on the show".
"I have an idea, let's give a lilywhite dude a black guy's name and see if anyone notices."
It clearly worked.
Mule gets a little tricky. I'm tempted to go in one of many different directions here but I think he was Mr. Edwards. Weird but friendly, a solid history of imbibing heavily. Kinda smelly. Yep, he's Mr. Edwards.
And me? I'm Mr. Olson. Come and get your hug Todd. Come to daddy.
Nah wait fuck that I'm Pa inside and outside the bedroom. Ladies wanna see my fiddle?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
What does he mean by "out"?
Got the following quote from a Strib article forwarded to me by Mule this morning.
The writer goes on to describe Morneau as "ready to pounce". Which is just awkward. Pounce? Seriously? When a 6 foot 4 man weighing around 225 pounds decides to swing a bat I don't think of something a kitty does. Call me crazy.
I bring this up because, let's face it, the sporting world is going gay. The twins didn't win a game versus the rangers last night. They pounded their asses. The rangers pitchers were humming it right down the pipe right where the twins like it. I don't know if I'll be able to swing at a belt high pitch again. I'll just be thinking about the pitcher trying to hit my happy zone and that'll be the end of me.
The sporting world has always been easy prey for sex analogies. It's just that in the past we always thought of them as man-woman bible thumper approved sex analogies instead of awkward and uncomfortable thoughts about large, sweaty men.
In basketball you've got to get it up to get it in. I mean hell, the lane and semi-circle does seem to invoke a certain male body part. What's that about exactly?
And yes while at trent tucker's basketball camp in the 80s (when Harmy was all of 12 or so) one of the coaches did make this joke to us. I felt like Arnold on that very special episode of Diff'rent Strokes. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I knew that the dude was weird and I didn't want to know more than that. In the movie about my life this would be a flashback and Mule would of course play the creepy coach.
In football you've got to fill that gap and stick it in the end zone. Pretty obvious stuff. But now that we live in a world where everyone talks about sex and throws out gay jokes pretty much constantly it gets downright goofy watching a grown man reach between another man's legs for the snap. I guess this is the whole post modern thing rearing it's ugly head.
I'd mention something about hockey here but I don't watch the sport so I can't really say. in the crease seems like a reach. I'd mention soccer but they're all gay anyway so what's the point? I kid, just the spanish dudes are gay. the others are just incredibly supportive.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. That's just life right? And, in an odd way, watching these sports and playing in them may be the first step towards tolerance for guys who would have gladly beat up a kid just because he was gay back in the 50s. Maybe not but I'm definitely going to try to sell the wife on it. I'm not just watching the Packers (yes, the gayest sounding name of all with the possible exception of the Bears)I'm acknowledging a whole new world filled with tolerance and love.
Yeah, that's it.
The slow-motion replay showed Justin Morneau's cheeks puffing out, with his eyes big and wide, as the letter-high pitch from Kevin Millwood sailed into his happy zone.If you're into homoeroticism AND you're a twins fan well boy are you going to enjoy this article. You can read the whole thing here.
The writer goes on to describe Morneau as "ready to pounce". Which is just awkward. Pounce? Seriously? When a 6 foot 4 man weighing around 225 pounds decides to swing a bat I don't think of something a kitty does. Call me crazy.
I bring this up because, let's face it, the sporting world is going gay. The twins didn't win a game versus the rangers last night. They pounded their asses. The rangers pitchers were humming it right down the pipe right where the twins like it. I don't know if I'll be able to swing at a belt high pitch again. I'll just be thinking about the pitcher trying to hit my happy zone and that'll be the end of me.
The sporting world has always been easy prey for sex analogies. It's just that in the past we always thought of them as man-woman bible thumper approved sex analogies instead of awkward and uncomfortable thoughts about large, sweaty men.
In basketball you've got to get it up to get it in. I mean hell, the lane and semi-circle does seem to invoke a certain male body part. What's that about exactly?
And yes while at trent tucker's basketball camp in the 80s (when Harmy was all of 12 or so) one of the coaches did make this joke to us. I felt like Arnold on that very special episode of Diff'rent Strokes. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I knew that the dude was weird and I didn't want to know more than that. In the movie about my life this would be a flashback and Mule would of course play the creepy coach.
In football you've got to fill that gap and stick it in the end zone. Pretty obvious stuff. But now that we live in a world where everyone talks about sex and throws out gay jokes pretty much constantly it gets downright goofy watching a grown man reach between another man's legs for the snap. I guess this is the whole post modern thing rearing it's ugly head.
I'd mention something about hockey here but I don't watch the sport so I can't really say. in the crease seems like a reach. I'd mention soccer but they're all gay anyway so what's the point? I kid, just the spanish dudes are gay. the others are just incredibly supportive.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. That's just life right? And, in an odd way, watching these sports and playing in them may be the first step towards tolerance for guys who would have gladly beat up a kid just because he was gay back in the 50s. Maybe not but I'm definitely going to try to sell the wife on it. I'm not just watching the Packers (yes, the gayest sounding name of all with the possible exception of the Bears)I'm acknowledging a whole new world filled with tolerance and love.
Yeah, that's it.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Tough ass Female Characters
The tough kick ass female lead is all the rage in films lately.
Uma in Kill Bill which is still the most overrated film in my opinion ( Stay your hand Nerds that Topic is a debate for ANOTHER TIME !!)
This leads to our Current topic Best female Action Role or which Character like kickS the most Ass.
There is no wrong answer, UNLESS I SAY OTHER WISE !!!
I only ask that all answers are based with some facts to back it up no matter what .
For example: Cat Women ( yes yes I know already yes VERY BAD VERY Crappy film but, she had superhuman powers and wore a CAT SUIT and she would be down for a little
A-nal love after all she is a cat and that is how they get down )
You got the Point sort of ..
Let the DEBATE BEGIN !!!
Uma in Kill Bill which is still the most overrated film in my opinion ( Stay your hand Nerds that Topic is a debate for ANOTHER TIME !!)
This leads to our Current topic Best female Action Role or which Character like kickS the most Ass.
There is no wrong answer, UNLESS I SAY OTHER WISE !!!
I only ask that all answers are based with some facts to back it up no matter what .
For example: Cat Women ( yes yes I know already yes VERY BAD VERY Crappy film but, she had superhuman powers and wore a CAT SUIT and she would be down for a little
A-nal love after all she is a cat and that is how they get down )
You got the Point sort of ..
Let the DEBATE BEGIN !!!
David Blaine has inspired me
So what constitutes a person to be a Magician, better yet what is an illusionist .
are they one and the same .
Monday night Primetime was under this David Blaine's spell I was flipping channels and within 3 minutes I got the general idea , apparently he stayed in some water for a week, so apparently he has a lot of time on his hands .
Then with a bunch of sponsors and apparently people watching and Primetime he tried to hold his breath for 8 min why ?
He didn't make anything disappear, didnt pull a rabbit out of a hat , I didn't watch the rest but I read in the paper in big bold that he failed .
So I was asking other people what has he done and apparently he did some card tricks .....wow really what a scam .
So basically this guy is really good at suckering people out of there money, I want to get in on that, I will be attempting to drink a 6 pack of Beer and I am looking for Sponsorship.
are they one and the same .
Monday night Primetime was under this David Blaine's spell I was flipping channels and within 3 minutes I got the general idea , apparently he stayed in some water for a week, so apparently he has a lot of time on his hands .
Then with a bunch of sponsors and apparently people watching and Primetime he tried to hold his breath for 8 min why ?
He didn't make anything disappear, didnt pull a rabbit out of a hat , I didn't watch the rest but I read in the paper in big bold that he failed .
So I was asking other people what has he done and apparently he did some card tricks .....wow really what a scam .
So basically this guy is really good at suckering people out of there money, I want to get in on that, I will be attempting to drink a 6 pack of Beer and I am looking for Sponsorship.
Questions & Comments
Apologies to anybody that may have made these observations or asked these questions before. However if they have and if they're figured out the answers… please let me know.
How easy is a Sunday morning and do the rest of the days of the week call her a slut behind her back?
Why do Football teams need new stadiums when they only use them eight times a year?
Why aren't more American bosses as forward thinking as the NFL: work seventeen weeks a year, plus we’ll give you one of those weeks off. Probably because their employees still get pissed they're not being paid enough.
Does Steven Segall still take himself seriously?
Is it a coincidence that the person who’s life was the most miserable in the Bible (Job) shares the same name with this crap I do five days a week?
I'm beginning to think there was truth to the rumors that somebody did indeed put alcohol into my beer this past weekend.
I'm of the opinion that everybody that was there is wrong and that I still maintain my unique status as the social wit and comedic commodity after having a few drinks. Not the grisly puddle that all of those people claim I was.
If Kenny Rogers is The Gambler then why does all of his music suck?
Why aren't cults more socially acceptable in the parlance of our times?
A watched pot does not boil, however if I focus on it long enough I can make it boil out of sheer rage.
Should all parents that name their child “Blanch” be forced to give their child up for adoption immediately?
If Morpheus fought the Black Panther who would win and why?
If somebody could seriously answer the above question does the rest of the world deserve to punch them, at least once?
Does Mrs. Peanut have nuts?
Thursday, May 04, 2006
After the Flood
In the video game Halo there is an infestation known as the Flood. Nobody knows how the Flood came into existence but it is known that they were such a threat that an entire civilization, prior to the race of humans and their alien enemies, opted to wipe themselves out rather than have their evil take over the entire galaxy.
What sort of evil would there have to be in the world to make somebody push the button that would end everything? Is it better to run; to seek out some fabled colony where shelter from the storm might be given? Or do you stand and fight for something that you don't even know if you can believe in; but something that you've lived with long enough that it's become your life?
How long would it take before madness would set in? Three months worth of good days of outwitting the enemy replaced by one moment where you take your eye off. Perhaps the madness is such that you'll convince yourself you'll survive; that even though you're hitting the self destruct button that somehow while all of your enemies are laid to waste in front of you, that you, the hero, will somehow escaped unscathed. Because you are special; because you are good.
Towards the end, we find out that the Flood are sentient beings. A fact that despite their insatiable need to strike whatever human they come across compounded by their need to infect humans and make them become Flood, would surely turn some of our hippy, tree loving friends into starting some sort of rally to save them. And perhaps the hippies are right, perhaps there are alternatives to fighting. Perhaps we could work it out and someday, down the road I could go to the grocery store and buy a rutabaga across from a like minded Flood.
For now I'm going to go blow Halo rings outside and watch them dissipate into the wind. The next chapter of Halo comes out soon and, ultimately, the fate of the Flood rests in the hands of the good folks at Bungie and the standard issue Marine rocket launcher that has been carelessly left for me to find.
What sort of evil would there have to be in the world to make somebody push the button that would end everything? Is it better to run; to seek out some fabled colony where shelter from the storm might be given? Or do you stand and fight for something that you don't even know if you can believe in; but something that you've lived with long enough that it's become your life?
How long would it take before madness would set in? Three months worth of good days of outwitting the enemy replaced by one moment where you take your eye off. Perhaps the madness is such that you'll convince yourself you'll survive; that even though you're hitting the self destruct button that somehow while all of your enemies are laid to waste in front of you, that you, the hero, will somehow escaped unscathed. Because you are special; because you are good.
Towards the end, we find out that the Flood are sentient beings. A fact that despite their insatiable need to strike whatever human they come across compounded by their need to infect humans and make them become Flood, would surely turn some of our hippy, tree loving friends into starting some sort of rally to save them. And perhaps the hippies are right, perhaps there are alternatives to fighting. Perhaps we could work it out and someday, down the road I could go to the grocery store and buy a rutabaga across from a like minded Flood.
For now I'm going to go blow Halo rings outside and watch them dissipate into the wind. The next chapter of Halo comes out soon and, ultimately, the fate of the Flood rests in the hands of the good folks at Bungie and the standard issue Marine rocket launcher that has been carelessly left for me to find.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Which Country has the Sexiest Female Fans (World Cup)
So let the contest begin ..
Buscamos los retratos de Españas la mayoría de las damas atractivas todo en el espíritu del Mundial
Cerchiamo delle immagini di signore più erotiche di Italia tutto il nello spirito della Coppa del Mo
Wir suchen Bilder von den sexy Damen von Deutschland alle im Geist vom Worldcup.
Procuramos quadros de Portugal e senhoras bem sexy do Brasil todo no espírito da Xícara Mundial
There is a international no Intercontintal battle of who to Support, What you may ask ?
Unless you live in a cave!!!
The World Cup is coming up in June hosted by Germany this year .
And here at BMC we have the fever but we are perplexed as to who to give endless loyal coverage to as you may know there are a lot of teams and some of us on the staff have favorite Countries but, in most of the team divisions we are all split as to who will progress and more importantly which country has the most Sexiest Female FANS .
This can only be answered by you the world wide web !
Ladies the BMC is proud to present the First annual Sexiest Futbol Fan Contest help represent your countries by sending in a Photo of yourself letting us know what country you are representing .
Scores will be kept stats spreadsheets ect and endless Blogs of Praise to you and your Country let the contest begin .
Please Submit to this email address :
badmothercoitus@yahoo.com
Buscamos los retratos de Españas la mayoría de las damas atractivas todo en el espíritu del Mundial
Cerchiamo delle immagini di signore più erotiche di Italia tutto il nello spirito della Coppa del Mo
Wir suchen Bilder von den sexy Damen von Deutschland alle im Geist vom Worldcup.
Procuramos quadros de Portugal e senhoras bem sexy do Brasil todo no espírito da Xícara Mundial
There is a international no Intercontintal battle of who to Support, What you may ask ?
Unless you live in a cave!!!
The World Cup is coming up in June hosted by Germany this year .
And here at BMC we have the fever but we are perplexed as to who to give endless loyal coverage to as you may know there are a lot of teams and some of us on the staff have favorite Countries but, in most of the team divisions we are all split as to who will progress and more importantly which country has the most Sexiest Female FANS .
This can only be answered by you the world wide web !
Ladies the BMC is proud to present the First annual Sexiest Futbol Fan Contest help represent your countries by sending in a Photo of yourself letting us know what country you are representing .
Scores will be kept stats spreadsheets ect and endless Blogs of Praise to you and your Country let the contest begin .
Please Submit to this email address :
badmothercoitus@yahoo.com
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Chuck Funk vs Johnny Book Report - Fisticuffs over Minneapolis
Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
A review in 9 parts.
By Chuck Funk
DCfC started off as a band with an earnestness and a sweet hooker with a heart of gold swagger that easily habituated in the emo movement. Maybe it was the turn of the century angst or the post y2k bliss that formed the band's view of the world. They have always balanced sadness and hope like children on the see saw of life. Sadness needs to lose a few pounds.
Johnny Book Report: What does that mean?
Chuck Funk: What does what mean? Let me do my review.
The latest album by Ben Gibbard's boys is Plans. An interesting if pedantic look into the cloying world that every 20-30 year old with dreams lives in. The lyrics are sad in an obvious way like the poetry of May Sarton. But the joyfulness lives on through the bouncing vibe of Crooked Teeth , cleverly turning phrases like that cagey old Brit Jerome K. Jerome in Three Men in a Boat.
Johnny Book Report: Okay seriously, what the fuck are you doing?
Chuck Funk: I'm trying to review this album dammit. I'm trying to enlighten the reader.
JBR: Enlighten? How? Nobody knows who Jerome K. Jerome or May Sarton is. Comparing someone's work to something that they've never heard of isn't enlightenment. Its just you jerking off to your own knowledge. This review isn't about the reader it's about you.
CF: Part of reviewing albums is comparing them to important works of the past. Don't let your ignorance stop a good review. Maybe you'll be interested in Jerome K. Jerome's work now.
JBR: Not likely. The reason why no one trusts music reviewers anymore is they spend so much time sucking from their own teat that they haven't noticed they don't make sense to most people anymore. But I digress...
The album opens with Marching Band of Manhattan that is an obvious homage to the work of Ken Gjemre. It begins slowly, much like Stillwater's career pre-Feverdog...
JBR: I will punch you in the face.
CF: What now?
JBR: Dude, c'mon. I know what you're doing.
CF: No you don't. Stick to books.
JBR: Yes I do. We're the same fucking person you moron. You're getting these random poets and author's names off the Half Price books calendar at our desk. Ken Gjemre isn't even a cockknocking author he's the founder of the book store.
CF: No he's not.
JBR: Yes he is you twit.
CF: Stop trying to discredit me.
JBR: Stillwater was the band on Almost Famous you dingleberry.
CF: Oh it's on.
JBR: It's on? God you're a dork. By the time I'm done you'll be ghost like swayze.
Hey kids, Harmon here. While the two sides of my brain fight it out I thought I'd just handle both of their jobs. So, howsabout a Harmy Book Report mixed with a little musical observation just for you?
I just completed the latest book by Dave Eggers. He of the pulitzer nominated memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. This is currently, and for the past 5 years or so, my favorite book of all time. Hey James Frey, for tips on how to do a memoir right you may want to check this little tome out of your local library sometime.
How We are Hungry is a collection of short stories by Eggers that deal with a wide variety of topics. Most of which involve young adults having one last fling with impropriety or goofballness or whatever before becoming full fledged adults and settling down. Short story collections are very much like albums in that they need to have a central theme but also have unique chapters within. This book does handle that well enough. And much like most albums there are a few clunkers in the collection.
Much like Death Cab Egger's best stuff comes about when he's seemingly down and out but looking up. Your Mother and I - a story about all the ridiculously amazing things a couple did before the kids were born (solving pollution, world peace, etc) is a lot of fun. Up the Mountain coming down slowly - a novella (almost anyway) about a young woman climbing Mt. Kiliminjaro and finding it satisfying for all of 2 seconds before sadness and life come screaching back into view. And the end piece After I was thrown in the River and Before I Drowned - a story written in 1st person about a dog who loves to run and jump and be free before finally succumbing to the long nap in a patch of sunshine.
These stories don't seem that related but they are. Much like I'll Follow You into the Dark and Brothers on a Hotel Bed from Plans they key off each other. Evoke similar moods. And yes, are about the same thing. Almost all of the stories in Eggers' book are about how important things are when you're young and free and how things change when you grow up. The parents did all these amazing things in Mother and I BEFORE the kids were born. The young woman climbs a fucking mountain feeling the joy of achievement and freedom from being a stranger in a strange land and then realizes that she has to go back to normal life, to adulthood, immediately. And the dog in the final piece? He's young and free and healthy...and then he dies.
I suppose I should find it troubling that I enjoyed the story about the dog the most.
Rating
Death Cab for Cutie - Plans: Awesome
Dave Eggers - How We are Hungry: Awesome
A review in 9 parts.
By Chuck Funk
DCfC started off as a band with an earnestness and a sweet hooker with a heart of gold swagger that easily habituated in the emo movement. Maybe it was the turn of the century angst or the post y2k bliss that formed the band's view of the world. They have always balanced sadness and hope like children on the see saw of life. Sadness needs to lose a few pounds.
Johnny Book Report: What does that mean?
Chuck Funk: What does what mean? Let me do my review.
The latest album by Ben Gibbard's boys is Plans. An interesting if pedantic look into the cloying world that every 20-30 year old with dreams lives in. The lyrics are sad in an obvious way like the poetry of May Sarton. But the joyfulness lives on through the bouncing vibe of Crooked Teeth , cleverly turning phrases like that cagey old Brit Jerome K. Jerome in Three Men in a Boat.
Johnny Book Report: Okay seriously, what the fuck are you doing?
Chuck Funk: I'm trying to review this album dammit. I'm trying to enlighten the reader.
JBR: Enlighten? How? Nobody knows who Jerome K. Jerome or May Sarton is. Comparing someone's work to something that they've never heard of isn't enlightenment. Its just you jerking off to your own knowledge. This review isn't about the reader it's about you.
CF: Part of reviewing albums is comparing them to important works of the past. Don't let your ignorance stop a good review. Maybe you'll be interested in Jerome K. Jerome's work now.
JBR: Not likely. The reason why no one trusts music reviewers anymore is they spend so much time sucking from their own teat that they haven't noticed they don't make sense to most people anymore. But I digress...
The album opens with Marching Band of Manhattan that is an obvious homage to the work of Ken Gjemre. It begins slowly, much like Stillwater's career pre-Feverdog...
JBR: I will punch you in the face.
CF: What now?
JBR: Dude, c'mon. I know what you're doing.
CF: No you don't. Stick to books.
JBR: Yes I do. We're the same fucking person you moron. You're getting these random poets and author's names off the Half Price books calendar at our desk. Ken Gjemre isn't even a cockknocking author he's the founder of the book store.
CF: No he's not.
JBR: Yes he is you twit.
CF: Stop trying to discredit me.
JBR: Stillwater was the band on Almost Famous you dingleberry.
CF: Oh it's on.
JBR: It's on? God you're a dork. By the time I'm done you'll be ghost like swayze.
Hey kids, Harmon here. While the two sides of my brain fight it out I thought I'd just handle both of their jobs. So, howsabout a Harmy Book Report mixed with a little musical observation just for you?
I just completed the latest book by Dave Eggers. He of the pulitzer nominated memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. This is currently, and for the past 5 years or so, my favorite book of all time. Hey James Frey, for tips on how to do a memoir right you may want to check this little tome out of your local library sometime.
How We are Hungry is a collection of short stories by Eggers that deal with a wide variety of topics. Most of which involve young adults having one last fling with impropriety or goofballness or whatever before becoming full fledged adults and settling down. Short story collections are very much like albums in that they need to have a central theme but also have unique chapters within. This book does handle that well enough. And much like most albums there are a few clunkers in the collection.
Much like Death Cab Egger's best stuff comes about when he's seemingly down and out but looking up. Your Mother and I - a story about all the ridiculously amazing things a couple did before the kids were born (solving pollution, world peace, etc) is a lot of fun. Up the Mountain coming down slowly - a novella (almost anyway) about a young woman climbing Mt. Kiliminjaro and finding it satisfying for all of 2 seconds before sadness and life come screaching back into view. And the end piece After I was thrown in the River and Before I Drowned - a story written in 1st person about a dog who loves to run and jump and be free before finally succumbing to the long nap in a patch of sunshine.
These stories don't seem that related but they are. Much like I'll Follow You into the Dark and Brothers on a Hotel Bed from Plans they key off each other. Evoke similar moods. And yes, are about the same thing. Almost all of the stories in Eggers' book are about how important things are when you're young and free and how things change when you grow up. The parents did all these amazing things in Mother and I BEFORE the kids were born. The young woman climbs a fucking mountain feeling the joy of achievement and freedom from being a stranger in a strange land and then realizes that she has to go back to normal life, to adulthood, immediately. And the dog in the final piece? He's young and free and healthy...and then he dies.
I suppose I should find it troubling that I enjoyed the story about the dog the most.
Rating
Death Cab for Cutie - Plans: Awesome
Dave Eggers - How We are Hungry: Awesome
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