They have a nice Apartment, I make the usual pleasantries nice place ECT, and then we begin again to more small talk. " You want something to drink" Marcy asks
"Yes Thank you " I reply.
She makes her way to the fridge and grabs me a beer in the mean time Stacey turns on some music "Goldfrapp ok?" She says " fine with me “ I replied.
It's clear they are the seductresses there timing, smooth, flawless it's exciting but also kind of eerie you know like when you watch a scary movie the Vampires ease there victims into a false sense of relaxation then they fuck em up it's kind of like that I try to make eye contact with Barry but Stacey has him in her power he cant take his eyes off her.
The song starts a mellow number it adds to the dim lit living room and to the now heightened sense that there is nudity coming, you don’t know when, but you must be ready for it. Stacey makes her way towards Barry and they begin their own Conversation.
Marcy stands in front of me holding a beer with a shrewd look on her face she starts.
"So ". She begins " I forgot to ask how long are you in London?"
(Looking back I should have kept the conversation on her cause this Question would come back to me as the deal or no deal breaker.)
I respond " 4 days then I'm traveling to visit more friends in Paris”. (ARGHH YOU IDIOT!!! WHY DID YOU SAY THIS!! )
Stacey and Marcy make eye contact and I swear you can see the night unfold with just that glance.
Marcy gently faintly , touches the side of my face " Let me show you something." She whispers.
As if on cue without any hesitation as though they had planned there moves Stacey takes Barry by the hand "C'mon you, let these two get acquainted." She snaps out
And they make there way out .
Music Playing wea re still we know what's going to happen I can see here make the choice to let me in suddenly in the Background we hear Stacy moaning followed by Barry .
That was all we needed to hear .
Our eyes meet this is part, I know I can play , she leans in we kiss , short soft kisses the kind that say " Hello I'm nervous about this but if you act right we can proceed further " I oblige this is what I was made for ..
I take control slowly stroking her hair letting her know I will take my time until she feels comfortable we Kiss again this time longer, I feel her let go she takes control holding my head, slowly and softly opening her mouth to see if I will catch her vibe I'm there, she wants to feel embraced not just fucked by a stranger.
We kiss in this fashion for hours it seems, I only take the lead if an advance is given, by this time she has straddled me I hold her firmly she begins to grind finally another chapter .
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
BlueBalls From London chapter 4
So on and on the night goes by and not a bite yet a lot talk but it’s all in passing.
Finally I’m introduced to some more ladies Lets call them (Stacey and Marcy) and they are just what doctor ordered Marcy is hot sandy brown hair ample cleavage not a lot of make up and above all she’s wearing a Cowgirl hat Yee fucking Haw
By this time my need to seal the deal has met it’s zenith, I take this time to reflect I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me I couldn't’t calm down that night.
Amsterdam reaped it revenge my Confidence was my undoing I found a place to gather my senses took several deep breathes and returned to the battle by this time I could sense Barry was in Mack Attack mode he sensed there was a disturbance in my force and like any good wing man would do he covered for me until I could get my shit together,I could not let his diligence go to waste.
I smile and re-entered the conversation again, it starts off with the same questions which by this time I'm at peace with myself I am refocused my mission is clear. I set my attention to Marcy I flip the Balddee interrogation and presume to question her instead Let the interest in Marcy conversation begin (I’m such a jerk)
I ask her to dance Cowgirl, is a great dancer so this time I give a lot more this is a One on One game, Barry and Stacey have abandoned us that is the sign for hey there probably gonna fuck tonight what say you and I give it a go?
After dancing to what seemed the longest mix in history I get a tap on my shoulder its Stacey.
" Let's get out of Here! " she yells out.
I smile leading Marcy ahead of me we make our way back to the bar I turn to Stacy with a shy smile I ask
" What's the Plan."
"Finish this first. " She says
She grabs her shot glass and slams it, we all follow suit after the slamming of beverages we make for the door. We say our goodbye's, nice to meet you, catch you later , to various people head for the stairs and.
Finally were out of the Club we clear the clutter of hang abouters and get to a space where we can formulate what I hope in details a someone riding me hard evening.
I light up a Cig and repeat my previous unanswered question
" What's the Plan.? "
Stacey is the navigator so I ask her while I smile at Marcy
"Our Place” she says .
Finally I’m introduced to some more ladies Lets call them (Stacey and Marcy) and they are just what doctor ordered Marcy is hot sandy brown hair ample cleavage not a lot of make up and above all she’s wearing a Cowgirl hat Yee fucking Haw
By this time my need to seal the deal has met it’s zenith, I take this time to reflect I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me I couldn't’t calm down that night.
Amsterdam reaped it revenge my Confidence was my undoing I found a place to gather my senses took several deep breathes and returned to the battle by this time I could sense Barry was in Mack Attack mode he sensed there was a disturbance in my force and like any good wing man would do he covered for me until I could get my shit together,I could not let his diligence go to waste.
I smile and re-entered the conversation again, it starts off with the same questions which by this time I'm at peace with myself I am refocused my mission is clear. I set my attention to Marcy I flip the Balddee interrogation and presume to question her instead Let the interest in Marcy conversation begin (I’m such a jerk)
I ask her to dance Cowgirl, is a great dancer so this time I give a lot more this is a One on One game, Barry and Stacey have abandoned us that is the sign for hey there probably gonna fuck tonight what say you and I give it a go?
After dancing to what seemed the longest mix in history I get a tap on my shoulder its Stacey.
" Let's get out of Here! " she yells out.
I smile leading Marcy ahead of me we make our way back to the bar I turn to Stacy with a shy smile I ask
" What's the Plan."
"Finish this first. " She says
She grabs her shot glass and slams it, we all follow suit after the slamming of beverages we make for the door. We say our goodbye's, nice to meet you, catch you later , to various people head for the stairs and.
Finally were out of the Club we clear the clutter of hang abouters and get to a space where we can formulate what I hope in details a someone riding me hard evening.
I light up a Cig and repeat my previous unanswered question
" What's the Plan.? "
Stacey is the navigator so I ask her while I smile at Marcy
"Our Place” she says .
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Blueballs from London chapter 3
I make my ways downstairs and I can hear the music pumping in the distance, I let Barry take the lead it’s clear he has hunted these halls before.
I take his signals and I snap out of my day dreaming game face on.
We enter, and it’s loud bodies moving in a hypnotic excuse the cliche but trance we make our way thru the crowd and set up shop close to the bar. Barry knows a gang of people and it feels like the first 2 hours consist of me shaking hands, Nodding hello and giving kisses to various girls, who all tell me they Loooovve Barry he’s such sweetie ect all this is fine but which one of you can I bend over is all I kept thinking, calm yourself Man I thought this isn’t Amsterdam the time will come be patient she hasn’t been spotted yet.
I do a lot of talking I explain what I do for a living, what lead me to visit Barry, how long have Barry and I been buddies , a lot of wasted conversation but what are you gonna do ?
I mean don't get me wrong I like the friendly conversation but not right now !
Nothing good can come from this and in my experience the general outcome of these conversations usually ends in lets go somewhere after the Party not to Fuck mind you It leans toward the I want to learn more about You area which is fine as well but I’m on mission. Someone must get done!
I take his signals and I snap out of my day dreaming game face on.
We enter, and it’s loud bodies moving in a hypnotic excuse the cliche but trance we make our way thru the crowd and set up shop close to the bar. Barry knows a gang of people and it feels like the first 2 hours consist of me shaking hands, Nodding hello and giving kisses to various girls, who all tell me they Loooovve Barry he’s such sweetie ect all this is fine but which one of you can I bend over is all I kept thinking, calm yourself Man I thought this isn’t Amsterdam the time will come be patient she hasn’t been spotted yet.
I do a lot of talking I explain what I do for a living, what lead me to visit Barry, how long have Barry and I been buddies , a lot of wasted conversation but what are you gonna do ?
I mean don't get me wrong I like the friendly conversation but not right now !
Nothing good can come from this and in my experience the general outcome of these conversations usually ends in lets go somewhere after the Party not to Fuck mind you It leans toward the I want to learn more about You area which is fine as well but I’m on mission. Someone must get done!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
chapter seventeen
Bel or Satchel looked at everybody else and spoke, “What do we do now?”
Balddee had two fists rolled on the desktop of Dirty Orpheus’ desk. His brow furrowed then relaxed as he looked up at the rest of the group, “We need to separate. It is the only way to find the creature.”
The other member’s shoulders sank. Pedro, ever the inquisitive cat, toyed with a piece of paper that had fallen on the floor. He flipped it open, then scratched at Dirty’s leg.
“Not now Pedro.”
Pedro continued to scratch, lifting the piece of paper up; Dirty sighed then picked it up.
He read through the letter twice before handing it to Balddee, “This must’ve been where the creature came from.”
“Who the fuck is Bob from Pequot Lakes?”
The group left the office and walked through the dark hallway to the cleaning room where, with the help of Pedro's cat vision, they discovered the small trap door though they did not open it.
“Well, this explains something.” Balddee said, his dark complexion tying knots in the muted light.
“It gives us somewhere to put it.” Dirty offered.
A pause fell over the group until Bel or Satchel spoke, “But it doesn’t change anything; we still need to separate to draw it out.”
Balddee sighed then spoke: “Everybody go to an office, not your own. If this thing wants us to be friends it’s better if we’re not close to things that make us feel comfortable-- keep your wits about you.”
The group broke and Satchel or Bel stumbled into Dr. Gonzo’s office toying with a boom box liberated from one of the intern’s desks. On the event of the creature’s appearance, the play button was to be pressed and the creature attacked.
The window looked out towards the East, the rain continued to fall in great sheets onto St. Paul. The Cathedral stood as a mirage; an unreachable safe haven. The office was quiet, peaceful. Any other afternoon this tranquility would’ve been a welcome sound from the muddle of noises and exclamations that littered the hallways of BMC headquarters. But now Satchel or Bel wanted it back, all the noises and happy rage.
“Dirty!” Balddee’s voice carried, “Everybody to Marlon’s office.”
Balddee had two fists rolled on the desktop of Dirty Orpheus’ desk. His brow furrowed then relaxed as he looked up at the rest of the group, “We need to separate. It is the only way to find the creature.”
The other member’s shoulders sank. Pedro, ever the inquisitive cat, toyed with a piece of paper that had fallen on the floor. He flipped it open, then scratched at Dirty’s leg.
“Not now Pedro.”
Pedro continued to scratch, lifting the piece of paper up; Dirty sighed then picked it up.
He read through the letter twice before handing it to Balddee, “This must’ve been where the creature came from.”
“Who the fuck is Bob from Pequot Lakes?”
The group left the office and walked through the dark hallway to the cleaning room where, with the help of Pedro's cat vision, they discovered the small trap door though they did not open it.
“Well, this explains something.” Balddee said, his dark complexion tying knots in the muted light.
“It gives us somewhere to put it.” Dirty offered.
A pause fell over the group until Bel or Satchel spoke, “But it doesn’t change anything; we still need to separate to draw it out.”
Balddee sighed then spoke: “Everybody go to an office, not your own. If this thing wants us to be friends it’s better if we’re not close to things that make us feel comfortable-- keep your wits about you.”
The group broke and Satchel or Bel stumbled into Dr. Gonzo’s office toying with a boom box liberated from one of the intern’s desks. On the event of the creature’s appearance, the play button was to be pressed and the creature attacked.
The window looked out towards the East, the rain continued to fall in great sheets onto St. Paul. The Cathedral stood as a mirage; an unreachable safe haven. The office was quiet, peaceful. Any other afternoon this tranquility would’ve been a welcome sound from the muddle of noises and exclamations that littered the hallways of BMC headquarters. But now Satchel or Bel wanted it back, all the noises and happy rage.
“Dirty!” Balddee’s voice carried, “Everybody to Marlon’s office.”
Blueballs From London Part 2
So with all that said I met up with my buddy lets call him (Barry) short background on Barry. His family moved to London from the Caribbean when he was 8 that's all you need to know, we meet up at a watering hole near his Apartment or is it Flat?
Hugs and greetings are exchanged I am happy to see him (Look at that ole B-love has a kind streak) we shoot the Willie Bobo you know, when you ask about families, work, ECT then I get to the point.
I explain my reasons for visiting and what I hope to accomplish he laughs shaking his head.
He pulls out his phone and checks his calendar “ we will give this a go you free tonight“ he says .
Barry is the perfect wing man fearless and confident always keeping his eye on the hunt, while I tend to go for a GQ Smooth look he has the Urban Downtown Chic thing going on, he could fit in where ever we counter balance each other perfectly .
I’m informed that were heading to Bloomsbury tonight to a little house gathering and if that don’t work The End ((that’s a Club in case you were wondering)
I wont talk about the house gathering cause it was just a Meet and Greet there were a lot of people there but it would take a lot of work to get one of ladies there to drop her trousers, and I have a mission to accomplish the best thing about Barry is he is Plugged in to the Club scene he used to do a lot of Promotion work for a lot of Clubs in London so he’s that person who walks past the line and they let him and his entourage right in while you stand there looking like what the Fuck.
And in a nutshell that’s what we did.
Hugs and greetings are exchanged I am happy to see him (Look at that ole B-love has a kind streak) we shoot the Willie Bobo you know, when you ask about families, work, ECT then I get to the point.
I explain my reasons for visiting and what I hope to accomplish he laughs shaking his head.
He pulls out his phone and checks his calendar “ we will give this a go you free tonight“ he says .
Barry is the perfect wing man fearless and confident always keeping his eye on the hunt, while I tend to go for a GQ Smooth look he has the Urban Downtown Chic thing going on, he could fit in where ever we counter balance each other perfectly .
I’m informed that were heading to Bloomsbury tonight to a little house gathering and if that don’t work The End ((that’s a Club in case you were wondering)
I wont talk about the house gathering cause it was just a Meet and Greet there were a lot of people there but it would take a lot of work to get one of ladies there to drop her trousers, and I have a mission to accomplish the best thing about Barry is he is Plugged in to the Club scene he used to do a lot of Promotion work for a lot of Clubs in London so he’s that person who walks past the line and they let him and his entourage right in while you stand there looking like what the Fuck.
And in a nutshell that’s what we did.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Blueballs from London
I wake up from a brisk nap turn on the old I-pod and take in the sounds of Sweetback Gaze is the track of choice for me as I roll into London.
This is a hard town, it’s very expensive so one has to be very careful about what you do and where you spend your money.
Amsterdam was a great groundbreaker and I had high expectations for London, For one I could speak the Language which is a plus and I have one of the faces that work when traveling abroad and as fucked up as this sounds I don’t Look American so I can pass for any various ethnic group as long as I keep my mouth shut I get in where I fit in depending on where you go this is important. (But that's a different STORY)
So I begin my ritual hotel check in secure my luggage and shower.
This trip will be different I have some friends who live here so even though I like to run it solo an experienced Wing man helps, especially here.
Unlike other cities London competes with itself to PRESSINING LEVELS to provide as many different SCENES if you will, in various spread out areas it’s like New York in that sense, there may be tons of dance Clubs Lounges ect in Brooklyn, but THEE Club to be seen at is in Manhattan Club BLAH BLAH BLAH.
London is like that plus ten but that’s my opinion. The Underground events are where I want to hang my hat on this trip and this is the Place to find it but to know where it is, you have to know someone, specially if your visiting cause getting to the right one on the right night is crucial remember, I’m on a mission and this trip.
I want to shoot my load on an Underground Club girl.
This is a hard town, it’s very expensive so one has to be very careful about what you do and where you spend your money.
Amsterdam was a great groundbreaker and I had high expectations for London, For one I could speak the Language which is a plus and I have one of the faces that work when traveling abroad and as fucked up as this sounds I don’t Look American so I can pass for any various ethnic group as long as I keep my mouth shut I get in where I fit in depending on where you go this is important. (But that's a different STORY)
So I begin my ritual hotel check in secure my luggage and shower.
This trip will be different I have some friends who live here so even though I like to run it solo an experienced Wing man helps, especially here.
Unlike other cities London competes with itself to PRESSINING LEVELS to provide as many different SCENES if you will, in various spread out areas it’s like New York in that sense, there may be tons of dance Clubs Lounges ect in Brooklyn, but THEE Club to be seen at is in Manhattan Club BLAH BLAH BLAH.
London is like that plus ten but that’s my opinion. The Underground events are where I want to hang my hat on this trip and this is the Place to find it but to know where it is, you have to know someone, specially if your visiting cause getting to the right one on the right night is crucial remember, I’m on a mission and this trip.
I want to shoot my load on an Underground Club girl.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Sexing up Europe Prt 6 Amsterdam
Not looking like Thor played to my advantage, I'm being hunted, but the huntress has yet to make herself known several hour go by and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I ask where and Jen say's " I'm going to go as well, I will show you"
Which means they all get up to go.
Naturally there is a line for the women's restroom and I stand with them we joke around it doesn't matter where you go in the World there's always a line for the Ladies Room.
I wait with them joking the whole time as they enter I make my way to the men's room.
Upon exiting I see Jen the sweet booze has kicked in now this is where my experience pays off.
If you have never read one of my Blogs know this.
When it comes to women, a smart man knows that for all the compliments, smiling,
Cool pick up lines you think you have in your Mack Daddy arsenal the Women, decide if your going to get laid all you have to do is show them that your not an idiot.
Show that you have restraint and respect and the world is yours. That’s the twist to my story no I didn't talk 3 chicks into sleeping with me, yeah it would of made a better story but it didn't happen.
Jen Steps out of the ladies room followed by Olga and Jill who smile and pass me by this is there stamp of approval.
Jen gets closer waiting to see what my intention is I switch from nice guy to nice guy who wants to punish her doggy style.
I pull her close so that she can feel my bulge, I can feel her breath, I can hear her mind race with thoughts as I grind into her, and I stroke her hair we kiss.
A door has been opened.
Which means they all get up to go.
Naturally there is a line for the women's restroom and I stand with them we joke around it doesn't matter where you go in the World there's always a line for the Ladies Room.
I wait with them joking the whole time as they enter I make my way to the men's room.
Upon exiting I see Jen the sweet booze has kicked in now this is where my experience pays off.
If you have never read one of my Blogs know this.
When it comes to women, a smart man knows that for all the compliments, smiling,
Cool pick up lines you think you have in your Mack Daddy arsenal the Women, decide if your going to get laid all you have to do is show them that your not an idiot.
Show that you have restraint and respect and the world is yours. That’s the twist to my story no I didn't talk 3 chicks into sleeping with me, yeah it would of made a better story but it didn't happen.
Jen Steps out of the ladies room followed by Olga and Jill who smile and pass me by this is there stamp of approval.
Jen gets closer waiting to see what my intention is I switch from nice guy to nice guy who wants to punish her doggy style.
I pull her close so that she can feel my bulge, I can feel her breath, I can hear her mind race with thoughts as I grind into her, and I stroke her hair we kiss.
A door has been opened.
Sexing Up Europe prt 5 Amsterdam
So here I am ..
With three local ladies the best thing to do in this situation is bide your time talk to all three.
Especially Olga, seem disappointed that you can’t communicate with her.
Give them all Equal and respectful attention then shift.
"You all look so lovely tonight, " I said with a friendly smile on my face.
Mind you I have now complimented them on their outfit and they have been sitting with me drinking for at least an hour.
Olga leans over to Jen
" We come here a lot but rare is it that we do this?" She says
"This? " I retort.
" Yeah sit with a tourist and drink ". She exclaims
I laugh
“Am I making you uncomfortable? " I say
" No your Cool." She replies with a smile
I knew all this would play out so I reserve myself, the music and liquor start to kick in and the dancing begins I ask Olga first. She smiles and accepts, I give her the safe space dance but show a fraction of my moves.
Naturally her girls are watching we smile a lot and briefly we do the fake couples partner dancing this is the safe way to feel the other person out.
We dance thru 4 songs she starts to loosen up Jill shows up with Olga's drink they slam it down and in typical College girl fashion yell out a woo then all hell breaks loose.
With three local ladies the best thing to do in this situation is bide your time talk to all three.
Especially Olga, seem disappointed that you can’t communicate with her.
Give them all Equal and respectful attention then shift.
"You all look so lovely tonight, " I said with a friendly smile on my face.
Mind you I have now complimented them on their outfit and they have been sitting with me drinking for at least an hour.
Olga leans over to Jen
" We come here a lot but rare is it that we do this?" She says
"This? " I retort.
" Yeah sit with a tourist and drink ". She exclaims
I laugh
“Am I making you uncomfortable? " I say
" No your Cool." She replies with a smile
I knew all this would play out so I reserve myself, the music and liquor start to kick in and the dancing begins I ask Olga first. She smiles and accepts, I give her the safe space dance but show a fraction of my moves.
Naturally her girls are watching we smile a lot and briefly we do the fake couples partner dancing this is the safe way to feel the other person out.
We dance thru 4 songs she starts to loosen up Jill shows up with Olga's drink they slam it down and in typical College girl fashion yell out a woo then all hell breaks loose.
Sexing up Europe : Amsterdam part 4
Like I was saying ..
I was stepping out thanking them for the conversation Jen, who initially started the conversation asked, “Where are your friends?”
The games afoot.
I gave a faint smile “I 'm alone.” I replied
" Why?" she said with a puzzled look on her face
I looked past her to my table and bit my bottom lip real quick to let her know something was not working out she turned around to see what I was looking at.
" Is that your table? " she asked.
" Yeah" I said
"I'm such a tourist I see some people checking it out I should head back ."
Jill and Jen laughed.
“I asked them if they would care to join me.”
They translate to Olga who smiled and said " yes. " And with Olga’s permission we left the bar and headed to my table.
I was stepping out thanking them for the conversation Jen, who initially started the conversation asked, “Where are your friends?”
The games afoot.
I gave a faint smile “I 'm alone.” I replied
" Why?" she said with a puzzled look on her face
I looked past her to my table and bit my bottom lip real quick to let her know something was not working out she turned around to see what I was looking at.
" Is that your table? " she asked.
" Yeah" I said
"I'm such a tourist I see some people checking it out I should head back ."
Jill and Jen laughed.
“I asked them if they would care to join me.”
They translate to Olga who smiled and said " yes. " And with Olga’s permission we left the bar and headed to my table.
Sexing up Europe Amsterdam prt 3
I smile and respond in kind I ask the usual tourist question, about what to see, what clubs to go to. Her English is great strong accent better then any attempt I would make to speak her dialect, which I apologize for emphatically, this takes all of them back and they appreciate the fact that I feel bad for not speaking the National Language.
I pace my self I don't compliment their attire until a few more silly questions about where to buy music Clothes ECT. They all toss in there 2 cents only one didn't speak English so there was a lot of translating which I enjoyed cause that kept the conversation going much longer which is what I wanted.
I apologized again beginning to make my way out of their spot since I don't recall there names lets call them Jen, Jill and Olga “cause she didn't speak English”
They were all very lovely, very tall, thin and busty, they were female and they had a pulse and I had a mission.
I pace my self I don't compliment their attire until a few more silly questions about where to buy music Clothes ECT. They all toss in there 2 cents only one didn't speak English so there was a lot of translating which I enjoyed cause that kept the conversation going much longer which is what I wanted.
I apologized again beginning to make my way out of their spot since I don't recall there names lets call them Jen, Jill and Olga “cause she didn't speak English”
They were all very lovely, very tall, thin and busty, they were female and they had a pulse and I had a mission.
Sexing Up Europe: Amsterdam prt 2
Exhale...
Man is their anything better then smoking with a good cup of Coffee?
Yeah checking out the uber tall women, as they walk by there are several steps one must take to have a successful hunt.
Step one: Dress to Impress
I don't mean where a suit but I prefer the casual seal the deal look nice slack well-polished shoes look nice. That may not matter to you but in this situation my time is limited so I have to be successful in my mission.
Hooverphonic is playing the mellow ambiance of the track sets my mind in motion.
Step two. Know the terrain
By that I mean know where the freak Places are and plan accordingly in this case because of the music I changed my plan.
I wanted to find a place that played this mellow Ambient music so I went in and struck up a conversation with the Coffee barrister after 20 minutes of each of us trying to communicate I found a place that kicks off around midnight The Zebra Lounge.
After a hearty dinner my hotel reserved a table for me (which I recommend you do)
Zebra is what you would expect a Lounge to be a lot of red in the decor. Another bonus a nice crowd the best part about being a tourist is that I don't look like Thor, so for the local gals I was a side order of Deliciousness wrapped up in Hugo Boss.
I sat at my table sipping on my drink watching, getting the feel of the crowd smiling politely at everyone as they make there way past me several hours pass the music changes from very mellow ambient to a tad more upbeat.
I make my way to the bar when I see three lovely ladies in there advertisement clothes short dresses cleavage front and center. I excuse my self as I enter there midst, I order a drink and one leans over. “Where are you from?” a door has been opened.
Man is their anything better then smoking with a good cup of Coffee?
Yeah checking out the uber tall women, as they walk by there are several steps one must take to have a successful hunt.
Step one: Dress to Impress
I don't mean where a suit but I prefer the casual seal the deal look nice slack well-polished shoes look nice. That may not matter to you but in this situation my time is limited so I have to be successful in my mission.
Hooverphonic is playing the mellow ambiance of the track sets my mind in motion.
Step two. Know the terrain
By that I mean know where the freak Places are and plan accordingly in this case because of the music I changed my plan.
I wanted to find a place that played this mellow Ambient music so I went in and struck up a conversation with the Coffee barrister after 20 minutes of each of us trying to communicate I found a place that kicks off around midnight The Zebra Lounge.
After a hearty dinner my hotel reserved a table for me (which I recommend you do)
Zebra is what you would expect a Lounge to be a lot of red in the decor. Another bonus a nice crowd the best part about being a tourist is that I don't look like Thor, so for the local gals I was a side order of Deliciousness wrapped up in Hugo Boss.
I sat at my table sipping on my drink watching, getting the feel of the crowd smiling politely at everyone as they make there way past me several hours pass the music changes from very mellow ambient to a tad more upbeat.
I make my way to the bar when I see three lovely ladies in there advertisement clothes short dresses cleavage front and center. I excuse my self as I enter there midst, I order a drink and one leans over. “Where are you from?” a door has been opened.
Sexing up Europe part 1 of 6 Amsterdam
I love traveling .
I sit back in my leather chair enjoying the finer aspects of First Class I wish I could smoke on the Plane, but those days are gone. I sit back with my nasty Airline Scotch and sift thru my travel brochures planning my Second Annual Trip thru Europe .
Unlike your average tourist I go to Europe not to see the sites, (done that) but to lay as Much Pipe as humanly possible that's right! I go all the way to Europe to whore it up !
Why not go to Vegas you may ask Because I'm rich and I can afford 4 Months of attempting to bed as many European Chicks as I can . Is it Shallow, is it vile, is it a sign of a man with NO class what so-ever Yes ! YES ! and hell Fucking YES !!
So sit back As I take you on a trip, back pack with me as I Try to plant my Pole in Europe .
Our First Stop Amsterdam
What better place to begin my hunt for sweet European tang then in a city where Maryjane and other hallucinogenic items flow in abundance. Amsterdam is an upscale Tijuana.
Your Freak flag can fly here, this is confidence building town 101 the sad part is when you start in a place that's so free the rest of the places I plan to visit will seem like a monastery, I wont name Hotels or Clubs in any of my tales
( because I don't get residuals for free advertisement plus when I go there this year I dont want anyone FUCKING up my plans !)
So where was I ..oh yeah
My excitement could not be contained the cab ride took forever!!!! I sat in my seat twitching , the sites and thoughts of plugging some 6 foot Blonde Chick was more then I could stand .
We pulled up to Hotel ( blah blah ) I check in secured my room and after a quick shower I hit the streets. I was a hunter my confidence, oozing from my pores if ever a man gave off the I wannna sex you up vibe it was me how can I make you understand .?? ah !
Ya know that opening scene in Saturday Night Fever where John Travolta is strutting with the paint can .
That cocky bastrard was me fortunately it was 9:30 ( there time of course) so I had a lot of time .
First stop an Amsterdam Coffeshop
I sit back in my leather chair enjoying the finer aspects of First Class I wish I could smoke on the Plane, but those days are gone. I sit back with my nasty Airline Scotch and sift thru my travel brochures planning my Second Annual Trip thru Europe .
Unlike your average tourist I go to Europe not to see the sites, (done that) but to lay as Much Pipe as humanly possible that's right! I go all the way to Europe to whore it up !
Why not go to Vegas you may ask Because I'm rich and I can afford 4 Months of attempting to bed as many European Chicks as I can . Is it Shallow, is it vile, is it a sign of a man with NO class what so-ever Yes ! YES ! and hell Fucking YES !!
So sit back As I take you on a trip, back pack with me as I Try to plant my Pole in Europe .
Our First Stop Amsterdam
What better place to begin my hunt for sweet European tang then in a city where Maryjane and other hallucinogenic items flow in abundance. Amsterdam is an upscale Tijuana.
Your Freak flag can fly here, this is confidence building town 101 the sad part is when you start in a place that's so free the rest of the places I plan to visit will seem like a monastery, I wont name Hotels or Clubs in any of my tales
( because I don't get residuals for free advertisement plus when I go there this year I dont want anyone FUCKING up my plans !)
So where was I ..oh yeah
My excitement could not be contained the cab ride took forever!!!! I sat in my seat twitching , the sites and thoughts of plugging some 6 foot Blonde Chick was more then I could stand .
We pulled up to Hotel ( blah blah ) I check in secured my room and after a quick shower I hit the streets. I was a hunter my confidence, oozing from my pores if ever a man gave off the I wannna sex you up vibe it was me how can I make you understand .?? ah !
Ya know that opening scene in Saturday Night Fever where John Travolta is strutting with the paint can .
That cocky bastrard was me fortunately it was 9:30 ( there time of course) so I had a lot of time .
First stop an Amsterdam Coffeshop
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sigur Ros
Sigur Ros - Hvarf and Heim
This is the first year I feel no more intelligent than I did the year before.
I've always prided myself on my knowledge, intellect and wit, but this year I feel that I haven't grown as a person. Perhaps this hangs on moving back to Minnesota; perhaps this is due to a third year of being in transitionary point in my life- but somewhere the smarts were lost.
In a way, I appreciate that this may be due to lack of stimulants I surround myself with; a condition based in no small part on the frigid cold. I am well aware there are options afforded to me here that I choose not to take advantage of. However, no matter the intellectual books that I consume nor the writing that I do I am not bettering myself.
My Mom celebrated her fifty-eighth birthday two weekends ago and I made her a Harry Potter meal complete with Quidditch Players Pie (okay), treacle tart (didn't work), liquorice wands (pretty good), Hogwarts Pastry Puff (not in the book, but wicked good) and butterbeer (to be avoided).
It was a fine day. Friends, family and copius amounts of wine. Throughout it all I had Sigur Ros' new double album Hvarf and Heim on. It paired perfect with cooking, the heavy clumps of snow falling from the sky and relaxation.
Sigur Ros is a fine band; some of their music is as beautiful as I've ever heard. In many ways they are a band that should be compared to classical music more so than any rock and roll or electronica; sweet symphonies that bring the listener to appreciate more and augment the circumstance that they find themselves in.
That said, they are also a difficult band to make it through an entire album of. The viscosity of movement in their songs makes it difficult to listen to an entire 60 to 70 minutes as the moments that they help describe change at a more rapid pace.
Taken in small doses such songs as the reworked live Staralfur and Vaka sound stark and beautiful. Likewise the movie like fairy sounds that begin and conclude I Gaer work very nicely. However, the entire album is likened to French Silk pie; something that is so incredibly delicious but impossible to eat more than one slice.
This is the first year I feel no more intelligent than I did the year before.
I've always prided myself on my knowledge, intellect and wit, but this year I feel that I haven't grown as a person. Perhaps this hangs on moving back to Minnesota; perhaps this is due to a third year of being in transitionary point in my life- but somewhere the smarts were lost.
In a way, I appreciate that this may be due to lack of stimulants I surround myself with; a condition based in no small part on the frigid cold. I am well aware there are options afforded to me here that I choose not to take advantage of. However, no matter the intellectual books that I consume nor the writing that I do I am not bettering myself.
My Mom celebrated her fifty-eighth birthday two weekends ago and I made her a Harry Potter meal complete with Quidditch Players Pie (okay), treacle tart (didn't work), liquorice wands (pretty good), Hogwarts Pastry Puff (not in the book, but wicked good) and butterbeer (to be avoided).
It was a fine day. Friends, family and copius amounts of wine. Throughout it all I had Sigur Ros' new double album Hvarf and Heim on. It paired perfect with cooking, the heavy clumps of snow falling from the sky and relaxation.
Sigur Ros is a fine band; some of their music is as beautiful as I've ever heard. In many ways they are a band that should be compared to classical music more so than any rock and roll or electronica; sweet symphonies that bring the listener to appreciate more and augment the circumstance that they find themselves in.
That said, they are also a difficult band to make it through an entire album of. The viscosity of movement in their songs makes it difficult to listen to an entire 60 to 70 minutes as the moments that they help describe change at a more rapid pace.
Taken in small doses such songs as the reworked live Staralfur and Vaka sound stark and beautiful. Likewise the movie like fairy sounds that begin and conclude I Gaer work very nicely. However, the entire album is likened to French Silk pie; something that is so incredibly delicious but impossible to eat more than one slice.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
chapter sixteen
Peter “Pete” pRatchetpeels prised up his buzz buzz with the following pronouncement: “Department of Practise and Legality of the Fifth Realm of Crapcago, member pRatchetpeels replying.”
“Pete, it’s Dirty. I need help.”
“Vouschafe a moment’s reprieve; my mugga-joe, made monstrously a twinkle ago, is making my maw muddled. There’s a sit-a-plop. Now pray tell the nails and nunnery of your need?”
“There is something here killing people in my office. Whatever this thing is it's been turning people into these living corpses that are trying to kill us.”
“Lying Coupses?”
Dirty dug through his desk drawers demonstrating abundant dexterity in finding the Disseminating Word Book. “A Crank Creepo.”
“Right,” replied Mr. pRatchetpeels. “The Crank Creepo Creator: narry malicious nor mean in nature, the Crank Creepo Creator compulsively needs companions. To hatch this task, the Crank Creepo Creator torrents the spirit with traipsings of the most tantamount intimacies throughout a lifetime.”
“This thing is making us feel happy to death?” Dirty demanded.
“So it seems.”
“Okay, well how do we make it stop from creating new friends?”
"Why would you not want a comrade?"
"Because, Pete, we want to stay alive."
"Right." More tickity tackitys tickled acrost Peter “Pete” pRatchetpeel's type type. “Ah ha! Your devoir: A vial of a virgins vital fluid, the commiserations of comedy and an olive branch.”
“Fuck. We don’t have any of those things.” Dirty eyeballed Satchel and Bel considering if either was un-plucked.
“Something else! Bribe the brute with your being, then subdue the savage with sweet sing-sing for two minutes and sixty-six seconds, finally the fellow will follow you to the chiffonier, firkin or coffer of your finding.”
Dirty’s cerebellum cycled through small spaces that could house the monstrosity.
“An accidental idea of paltry consideration. The subdued beast shall proceed anon, though the singer should grasp the two minutes and sixty-six seconds is all the space that the spell will last.
“Thanks Pete. Thanks a lot. That could help us.” Quiet consumed him then Dirty continued, “Look if I don’t talk to you give my love to Lilly Liverroot.”
With that he broke off the buzz buzz. “This is going to take crackerjack timing.”
“Pete, it’s Dirty. I need help.”
“Vouschafe a moment’s reprieve; my mugga-joe, made monstrously a twinkle ago, is making my maw muddled. There’s a sit-a-plop. Now pray tell the nails and nunnery of your need?”
“There is something here killing people in my office. Whatever this thing is it's been turning people into these living corpses that are trying to kill us.”
“Lying Coupses?”
Dirty dug through his desk drawers demonstrating abundant dexterity in finding the Disseminating Word Book. “A Crank Creepo.”
“Right,” replied Mr. pRatchetpeels. “The Crank Creepo Creator: narry malicious nor mean in nature, the Crank Creepo Creator compulsively needs companions. To hatch this task, the Crank Creepo Creator torrents the spirit with traipsings of the most tantamount intimacies throughout a lifetime.”
“This thing is making us feel happy to death?” Dirty demanded.
“So it seems.”
“Okay, well how do we make it stop from creating new friends?”
"Why would you not want a comrade?"
"Because, Pete, we want to stay alive."
"Right." More tickity tackitys tickled acrost Peter “Pete” pRatchetpeel's type type. “Ah ha! Your devoir: A vial of a virgins vital fluid, the commiserations of comedy and an olive branch.”
“Fuck. We don’t have any of those things.” Dirty eyeballed Satchel and Bel considering if either was un-plucked.
“Something else! Bribe the brute with your being, then subdue the savage with sweet sing-sing for two minutes and sixty-six seconds, finally the fellow will follow you to the chiffonier, firkin or coffer of your finding.”
Dirty’s cerebellum cycled through small spaces that could house the monstrosity.
“An accidental idea of paltry consideration. The subdued beast shall proceed anon, though the singer should grasp the two minutes and sixty-six seconds is all the space that the spell will last.
“Thanks Pete. Thanks a lot. That could help us.” Quiet consumed him then Dirty continued, “Look if I don’t talk to you give my love to Lilly Liverroot.”
With that he broke off the buzz buzz. “This is going to take crackerjack timing.”
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Reckoner
Your mixtape of the month. Don’t know if anybody wants a copy but psst me through an email (click on the handy “Contact Us By Email By Email” button directly to your right) and I’ll send you a copy.
Ball and Chain – Social Distortion
Social Distortion
(I Don’t Want to go to) Chelsea – Elvis Costello
This Years Model
Myriad Harbour – The New Pornographers
Challengers
Michigan Girls – Califone
Quicksand/Rattlesnakes
300 M.P.H Torrential Outpour Blues – The White Stripes
Icky Thump
Reckoner – Radiohead
In Rainbows
Valentine – The Get Up Kids
Something to Write Home About
Your Honor – Regina Spektor
Soviet Kitsch
Mushaboom (Postal Service Remix) – Feist
Open Season: Remixes and Collabs
How a Resurrection Really Feels – The Hold Steady
Separation Sunday
Angel in the Snow – Elliott Smith
New Moon
Eyes – Rogue Wave
Descended Like Vultures
Sorry Somehow – Husker Du
Candy Apple Grey
Judy – The PipettesWe are the Pipettes
Someone Great – LCD Soundsystem
Sound of Silver
Reflections – Atmosphere
Seven’s Travels
The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room – Flight of the Conchords
The Distant Future
Ball and Chain – Social Distortion
Social Distortion
(I Don’t Want to go to) Chelsea – Elvis Costello
This Years Model
Myriad Harbour – The New Pornographers
Challengers
Michigan Girls – Califone
Quicksand/Rattlesnakes
300 M.P.H Torrential Outpour Blues – The White Stripes
Icky Thump
Reckoner – Radiohead
In Rainbows
Valentine – The Get Up Kids
Something to Write Home About
Your Honor – Regina Spektor
Soviet Kitsch
Mushaboom (Postal Service Remix) – Feist
Open Season: Remixes and Collabs
How a Resurrection Really Feels – The Hold Steady
Separation Sunday
Angel in the Snow – Elliott Smith
New Moon
Eyes – Rogue Wave
Descended Like Vultures
Sorry Somehow – Husker Du
Candy Apple Grey
Judy – The PipettesWe are the Pipettes
Someone Great – LCD Soundsystem
Sound of Silver
Reflections – Atmosphere
Seven’s Travels
The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room – Flight of the Conchords
The Distant Future
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
chapter fifteen
Balddee’s shoulder hurt from where the desk had dug into him. He constructed the new barricade with little help from the rest of the group then pulled a smoke and rested.
Then, an explosion from the break room.
“Mule.” Balddee said, his hand crushing the cigarette out.
Baldee rushed down the hall to see Mule’s leg rip at the ankle, the foot still nailed to the floor, and follow the rest of the body being folded into the Shredder Commando. His nose smelt burning flesh as Pedro stood on the counter, a spent match laid on the counter giving off smoke.
What looked like an exploded cannister of propane mixed with the remnants of Dead Gonzo. Balddee walked over to the Shredder Commando and hit the kill switch. He spoke with his back to the group in the hall, “Best not to come in here.”
Balddee lit another cigarette, the last in his pack. “What can we do to stop this bad guy.”
“Shouldn’t the bad guy have a better name?” Satchel or Bel questioned.
“Yeah, we don’t even know who the bad guy is.” Bel or Satchel continued. There was no response except the burning of Balddee’s cigarette.
“I suppose I could try to call Crapcago?” said Dirty Orpheus, looking in the dark at the rest of the group.
“No good.” Balddee remarked, “All the phone lines are out.”
“No.” Dirty said, pushing his glasses up higher on his nose, “The mirror I use doesn’t work with phone lines. It’s, well, it’s complicated.”
“Do you think that it could work?” Satchel or Bel asked.
“I have no idea. They’re not the most forthcoming with information. That’s why all my articles sucked.”
The group fell silent. Dirty spat out, “Well, somebody could’ve at least said they kind of didn’t. Come, on. The phone is in my office.
Then, an explosion from the break room.
“Mule.” Balddee said, his hand crushing the cigarette out.
Baldee rushed down the hall to see Mule’s leg rip at the ankle, the foot still nailed to the floor, and follow the rest of the body being folded into the Shredder Commando. His nose smelt burning flesh as Pedro stood on the counter, a spent match laid on the counter giving off smoke.
What looked like an exploded cannister of propane mixed with the remnants of Dead Gonzo. Balddee walked over to the Shredder Commando and hit the kill switch. He spoke with his back to the group in the hall, “Best not to come in here.”
Balddee lit another cigarette, the last in his pack. “What can we do to stop this bad guy.”
“Shouldn’t the bad guy have a better name?” Satchel or Bel questioned.
“Yeah, we don’t even know who the bad guy is.” Bel or Satchel continued. There was no response except the burning of Balddee’s cigarette.
“I suppose I could try to call Crapcago?” said Dirty Orpheus, looking in the dark at the rest of the group.
“No good.” Balddee remarked, “All the phone lines are out.”
“No.” Dirty said, pushing his glasses up higher on his nose, “The mirror I use doesn’t work with phone lines. It’s, well, it’s complicated.”
“Do you think that it could work?” Satchel or Bel asked.
“I have no idea. They’re not the most forthcoming with information. That’s why all my articles sucked.”
The group fell silent. Dirty spat out, “Well, somebody could’ve at least said they kind of didn’t. Come, on. The phone is in my office.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Brenda
Brenda is the picture of what real men envision a woman to be. Her emerald colored eyes glisten in the sun, her hourglass curves are a sight to behold, subtle thighs and taunt perky breasts.
Ahh to see her, there is not a man alive who cant envision her firm thighs wrapped around him as you bring her closer to ecstasy, fantasies of nostalgic Poster Girls of days gone by like Rita Hayworth, Sophia Lauren, Marilyn Monroe, and Betty Page spring forth.
Yes Brenda was blessed with looks but as we all know(with exception of yours truly) no one is perfect. So is the case with Brenda.
Our story starts in a College Campus in Kansas
(Yes Brenda is Corn fed I get the jokes now shut it and keep reading.)
Her upbringing was the kind that Britney Spears should of had, firm yet fair parents make all the difference especially when you have a kids who's ass is so beautiful it could make a Bulldog kiss a Hound.
There were guys always after her and she knew how to get what she wanted without whoring it up, when your a beautiful women the world is a vampire, around every turn there is a pariah waiting to suck the youth out of you Brenda knew this.
She knew her biggest mistake would be to open her legs for just Pleasure she knew there was more to her then just getting a high paying job in Kansas.
Fortunately for her old Brenda was pretty smart and Computers were her things, it turns out there was an internship at BLAH BLAH BLAH (Please note no Companies will be mentioned in this piece because I don’t get any residuals)
So the good thing about this internship is aside from learning at BLAH BLAH BLAH it pretty much guarantees you a high paying position in the Company and above all, the headquarters are located in a Major Metropolitan City, which Brenda had always wanted.
It sounded to good to be true there was however one tiny little problem she had to beat out 1000 other students to be accepted and above all else to even be considered you have to get a perfect score on there Entry Level Examine which, if you passed, it set you up for the big money once your internship is over so you can imagine the pressure.
She knew she had everyone at her Campus beat but her faith in the Force was not enough she got wind of the only person who stood between her and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Phillip Thorn despite the cool name Phil was a hot mess, he looked like he just slept in his clothes the night before, he could pass as an extra from Pirates of Caribbean just overall scruffy looking, never seen with anyone, not that popular not even with the Nerds. Despite his unsavory appearance simply put.
Phillip is the guy you will one day end up working for. And part of his plan to becoming the next Bill Gates is to get a spot working for Blah Blah Blah.
He will not be denied.
Ahh to see her, there is not a man alive who cant envision her firm thighs wrapped around him as you bring her closer to ecstasy, fantasies of nostalgic Poster Girls of days gone by like Rita Hayworth, Sophia Lauren, Marilyn Monroe, and Betty Page spring forth.
Yes Brenda was blessed with looks but as we all know(with exception of yours truly) no one is perfect. So is the case with Brenda.
Our story starts in a College Campus in Kansas
(Yes Brenda is Corn fed I get the jokes now shut it and keep reading.)
Her upbringing was the kind that Britney Spears should of had, firm yet fair parents make all the difference especially when you have a kids who's ass is so beautiful it could make a Bulldog kiss a Hound.
There were guys always after her and she knew how to get what she wanted without whoring it up, when your a beautiful women the world is a vampire, around every turn there is a pariah waiting to suck the youth out of you Brenda knew this.
She knew her biggest mistake would be to open her legs for just Pleasure she knew there was more to her then just getting a high paying job in Kansas.
Fortunately for her old Brenda was pretty smart and Computers were her things, it turns out there was an internship at BLAH BLAH BLAH (Please note no Companies will be mentioned in this piece because I don’t get any residuals)
So the good thing about this internship is aside from learning at BLAH BLAH BLAH it pretty much guarantees you a high paying position in the Company and above all, the headquarters are located in a Major Metropolitan City, which Brenda had always wanted.
It sounded to good to be true there was however one tiny little problem she had to beat out 1000 other students to be accepted and above all else to even be considered you have to get a perfect score on there Entry Level Examine which, if you passed, it set you up for the big money once your internship is over so you can imagine the pressure.
She knew she had everyone at her Campus beat but her faith in the Force was not enough she got wind of the only person who stood between her and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Phillip Thorn despite the cool name Phil was a hot mess, he looked like he just slept in his clothes the night before, he could pass as an extra from Pirates of Caribbean just overall scruffy looking, never seen with anyone, not that popular not even with the Nerds. Despite his unsavory appearance simply put.
Phillip is the guy you will one day end up working for. And part of his plan to becoming the next Bill Gates is to get a spot working for Blah Blah Blah.
He will not be denied.
chapter fourteen
“Who needs a drink?” Mule asked looking at the bloody corpse of Harmon that Balddee had just savaged. When nobody answered and more to justify needing the drink Mule continued, “Well there is more alcohol in this break room place.”
“Don’t go on your own.” Dirty Orpheus remarked standing in the doorway.
“I won’t,” Mule said, “Harmon should be in his office, put the rest of them in there too. I’ll take Pedro. He can’t help anyway.”
Pedro, the cat, went along with Mule and they walked down the corridor towards the break room. No words needed to be exchanged between either of them but for good measure Pedro ran his claws along the wall so that they would know their way back.
They entered the break room and saw the corpse of Dr. Gonzo. Mule looked on, “I completely forgot about her.”
Pedro took a more cautious approach, knocking a jar off the counter down onto its' head.
“Well, if she is going to turn it doesn’t look like she’s there yet. I guess we’ll have to,” Mule paused, looking around the room before continuing. “I guess we’ll have to dispose of her."
Pedro, ever the helpful cat, rubbed himself against the industrial sized Shredder Commando that Dirty Orpheus, in a freak moment of drug induced paranoia, had purchased from Worst Lie. “You’re a sick fucker, Pedro, but God bless you.”
Mule removed a cleaver, the only real knife that was in the office and lopped off Dead Gonzo’s leg. He pressed the power button, there was a slight whir before nothing. Frustrated he pressed the power button again: nothing. “Fuck. The building doesn’t have electricity.”
He sighed and slumped down taking a greedy final glance over Dead Gonzo's body.
Pedro examined the Shredder Commando then flicked a switch that caused the shredder to come to life and Mule to comment, “Who the shit builds an emergency power source into a paper shredder?”
Re-energized, Mule picked up the leg again and began shoving the foot, then calf and thigh into the Shredder Commando. A fine pink cloud came off as the shredder did its’ work. Mule lopped off the other leg, then the right arm. He began whistling, taking pride in his work. Pedro looked on in his typical disinterested fashion.
Then something unexpected happened and out of it came pain. Mule looked down to see Dead Gonzo’s remaining hand clutching onto a take-out chopstick that had been shoved through his foot, nailing him to the floor.
He attacked with his other foot crushing it into Dead Gonzo's nose and sending the remaining torso, arm and head flying across the break room.
Dead Gonzo responded by throwing a ceremonial serving platter that connected with Mule’s head, sending him back onto the Shredder Commando.
Woozy, blood dripping down over his eyes he felt the back of his shirt suck into the teeth of the shredder, making it so that he couldn’t move.
Dead Gonzo began the slow and tedious process of crawling across the floor. Pedro attacked but Dead Gonzo was expecting it and hit him mid-flight, sending him sprawling through the air.
It arrived at Mule as his lower back was grabbed by the teeth of the shredder. Reaching up Dead Gonzo grabbed Mule by the groin, twisted, pulled and castrated.
“Don’t go on your own.” Dirty Orpheus remarked standing in the doorway.
“I won’t,” Mule said, “Harmon should be in his office, put the rest of them in there too. I’ll take Pedro. He can’t help anyway.”
Pedro, the cat, went along with Mule and they walked down the corridor towards the break room. No words needed to be exchanged between either of them but for good measure Pedro ran his claws along the wall so that they would know their way back.
They entered the break room and saw the corpse of Dr. Gonzo. Mule looked on, “I completely forgot about her.”
Pedro took a more cautious approach, knocking a jar off the counter down onto its' head.
“Well, if she is going to turn it doesn’t look like she’s there yet. I guess we’ll have to,” Mule paused, looking around the room before continuing. “I guess we’ll have to dispose of her."
Pedro, ever the helpful cat, rubbed himself against the industrial sized Shredder Commando that Dirty Orpheus, in a freak moment of drug induced paranoia, had purchased from Worst Lie. “You’re a sick fucker, Pedro, but God bless you.”
Mule removed a cleaver, the only real knife that was in the office and lopped off Dead Gonzo’s leg. He pressed the power button, there was a slight whir before nothing. Frustrated he pressed the power button again: nothing. “Fuck. The building doesn’t have electricity.”
He sighed and slumped down taking a greedy final glance over Dead Gonzo's body.
Pedro examined the Shredder Commando then flicked a switch that caused the shredder to come to life and Mule to comment, “Who the shit builds an emergency power source into a paper shredder?”
Re-energized, Mule picked up the leg again and began shoving the foot, then calf and thigh into the Shredder Commando. A fine pink cloud came off as the shredder did its’ work. Mule lopped off the other leg, then the right arm. He began whistling, taking pride in his work. Pedro looked on in his typical disinterested fashion.
Then something unexpected happened and out of it came pain. Mule looked down to see Dead Gonzo’s remaining hand clutching onto a take-out chopstick that had been shoved through his foot, nailing him to the floor.
He attacked with his other foot crushing it into Dead Gonzo's nose and sending the remaining torso, arm and head flying across the break room.
Dead Gonzo responded by throwing a ceremonial serving platter that connected with Mule’s head, sending him back onto the Shredder Commando.
Woozy, blood dripping down over his eyes he felt the back of his shirt suck into the teeth of the shredder, making it so that he couldn’t move.
Dead Gonzo began the slow and tedious process of crawling across the floor. Pedro attacked but Dead Gonzo was expecting it and hit him mid-flight, sending him sprawling through the air.
It arrived at Mule as his lower back was grabbed by the teeth of the shredder. Reaching up Dead Gonzo grabbed Mule by the groin, twisted, pulled and castrated.
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