Conversations ~ one of nine

I Want To Drive Far

we should whisper

Why? There Is No One Else.

right. so who are you showing off for?

hmm. fine.

not that quiet.

better?

yes. you were saying?

i want to drive far

like to gramma's house far?

further. alone.

alone?

or maybe with you. can you be quiet and still? can you listen, actually listen, when i play a song on the radio and implicitly tell you to listen because it means something to me that i don't know how to say otherwise?

i can listen. listening is the first duty of love.

right... what? where did you get that from?

it was on a sign at an auto repair dealership in my hometown. they often put mildly profound sentiments up there.

interesting.

yes, much more so than walgreens and their "buy two dasani's for two dollars" sign.

so you can listen then? this won't be an issue? because at times you say you want to listen but then you don't.

i will.

okay. then you can come.

why do you want to drive so far away?

if you're there it won't be "away."

but it won't change anything.

it'll just be different. i don't know what the world is like on the other side of grandma's house. how am i to find out if i never drive?

you could hike.

i'm not talking about the means of transportation...

i know.

i want this place to feel new. i want to not be tired. i want to laugh at myself.

so do it.

i want to wake up and not think "well, here comes the return of the suck."

you think that?

sometimes. not often, but when i do i feel it all the way down to the bone.

that's life.

i want to know what it's like to not disappoint myself. how would it feel to not give in?

do you want to find out or are you just fishing for sympathetic souls?

maybe both.

that's why you haven't found out what that's like then. stop fishing.