I had the pleasure of talking with Thomas Sullivan at Café Avanti here on the North Side of Chicago. He was dressed in his Cloak of Nuun, an article of clothing he had won from some jones named Yuuzhan Vong. He further informed me that he was waiting to meet a special lady friend he had met on the internet for a cup of cocoa; caffeine, is not allowed in his system as it is poison and his training would not allow poison to be put into his body.
Bad Mother Coitus: So what does lady friend look like?
Thomas Sullivan: She described herself as having the flowing red hair of Mara Jade Skywalker, the mysteriousness of Nen Yim and the body of Bria Tharen.
BMC: Bria Tharen, eh?
TS: I know! I’ll cure her of an addiction to Exultation!
BMC: Well, that’s how I would look at it. You know, I dig the outfit; I’ve always wanted a pet Wookie-
TS: Wookiees, sir, are not pets! If you believe that you are no better than the Czerka, Pollard Seario and an individual that I should become Ganner Rhysode in the Well of the World Brain and thereby defeat!
BMC: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
TS: Well, Wookiees are peaceful creatures though quick to anger. They have long retractable claws which are never used in combat; well unless they’re Madclaws but you’d be dead before you’d remember that, you Kibbick the Hutt. Their homeworld is called Kashyyk or as someone with your laser brain would refer to it: G5-623.
BMC: Well, didn’t Han Solo keep one as a pet?
TS: Chewbacca son of Attichituk named for the greatest chieftan of the Wookiee speicies: Bacca, was pet to nobody! He was in the life-debt of a certain then Lieutenant in the Imperial TIE Fighters who freed him and then made him his co-pilot. Again, sir, I challenge you to a duel to the death and where I will become one with Force, this shall be my Mustafar!
BMC: Shit man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.
TS: I just get emotional with all of this. You people who don’t understand the real world. You don’t get it, you’re like Lama Su, spreading your great evil. I must leave before my actions turn me violent.
BMC: Wait! What about your date? What will Nim Beyan or whatever her name is do?
Next Week’s Article: Why was the Bloodhound Gang a band?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment