Wednesday, July 05, 2006

What Price Freedom?

ROSEVILLE, MN- Craig Doreson, 27, fails to see the freedom in Freedom week. "It's not like anybody stops harping on me just because it's a fucking holiday. But this is Freedom day and it's like they don't even know what it means. I mean it's not like it's Christmas and everybody should be getting me something or something, just fucking gimme a break."

Most notably Doreson is quick to site his dictorial girlfriend of two years. "[She] always tells me what to do. You know, she always wants to go someplace classy, like Subway. But what sort of country is this if a man can't tell his woman let's go for roast beef sandwiches at Arby's?"

And his freedom is further compromised by his parents.

"All day Mom is fucking harping on me: Get a job, stop playing video games, clean the bathrooms, at least turn the porn off while I'm in the room."

Doreson, an area man, has been pursuing an emancipation law suit against his parents for the past seven years. "It makes it a little awkward at the dinner table but, hey man, you gotta stick up for your rights. That's what this fucking holiday is all about."

Thus far, Doreson has hit road blocks with the court system. The legal precedent that has been enacted in prior cases does not pertain to Doreson as he is not being held against his will, is not a a minor and not being forced to even perform the menial task of mowing the back lawn which Doreson's father states is "not really that big". Doreson still, however, remaioptimistictic.

Doreson, digs through his parent's basement fridge pulling out a push-pop and a frozen pizza, then concludes the interview with: "I guess Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Wanna go play some Halo or something?"

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