Bathroom Etiquette

There was some savage pissing in the middle urinal.

This goes against every imaginable guy code. This is on the lines of sleeping with your buddy's ex-girlfriend, sister or dog. More future thinking generations will, no doubt, have these sorry individuals casterated on Fox News.

Not that this is the worst offense. Worse than this, of course, is when you're peeing at the far side urinal (following standard protocol and procedure) and some jones comes in and decides to go in the middle urinal. Worse than that is if said sorry individual decides to attempt witty banter or banter of any degree.

As of late I've been paying more and more attention to this as I've been increasing the amount of water that I've been drinking. I'm told it's good for me but seriously, peeing every hour makes me feel like a ten year old girl. Then again, it does get me away from the desk and that… after all… is pretty much the whole battle with this creature named work.

My favorite move is proving you’re peeing. With so many men suffering from stage fright these days there has been a ridiculous amount of letting everybody else knowing you're peeing. For instance, you're in the bathroom, far urinal or at least one not in the middle or nearest the sink… you’re having a glorious time taking snipes at a little fleck of dirt that has found its’ way into the urinal. There is nobody in there so you're following protocol.

Then, in a similar fashion, the next guy enters the bathroom and he too following protocol jumps into the stall or into another urinal not directly next to you.

Now you, in order to prove that you don't have stage fright, from someone opening the door, focus your pee into the water as loud as you can so that they know you don't have stage fright. While the other jones makes spitting noises while trying to get the great pee engine going and thus proving he doesn't have stage fright.

And so the wicked dance continues.

Official Song While Peeing: Float On by Modest Mouse