Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Rise of Serpentra II

Mark June 11th down on your calendars kids. Do it today. It's an important day. It's the first day of the rest of your dominated lives. Serpentra II has been borne to this earth. She has come to dominate and rule without mercy. She has come to end all governments (yay) and all freedom (boo). She has come to make Baldee's life a little more complicated (yay? boo? we'll go with yay for now).

Serpentra II is an odd name for a ruler when you've never heard of Serpentra I you say? Good point. Well done on that, I like where your head's at. Serpentra I was born a few years ago and while true the prophecy did say that she would dominate all who opposed her and rule with an iron fist this hasn't really happened to this point. In fact she's really just a beautiful little girl. Very sweet. Not dominating at all. So, Baldee went back to the lab to create Serpentra II. After months of frustation and no progress his wife agreed to help out and bam, Serpentra II was on her way. It should be documented that Baldee's "lab" is really just the living room at Remo's house where he gets dominated playing Battlefronts II. He then bottles the rage created by his own weakness and tries to create life using that anger. He's not really a Scientician.

While it is true that Serpentra I, still just a few years old, may very well grow up to fulfill the prophecy it does make sense that Serpentra II should be around. To serve in her place if Serpentra I decides to be a dental hygienist or something of equal suburbanity. Why have one ruler of the planet when you can have a backup for twice the price? That's just good thinking right there.

It should also be noted that Serpentra I may be following the time honored code of wrapping the world around her finger with sweetness and normal kiddishness and then crushing us later. This can't be ruled out. But I'm happy Serpentra II is around. This world needs some dominating and she seems to fit the part.

All Hail Serpentra II. She has come to do what her father could not. Maybe she'll take over this planet and one day protect us from evil aliens, the undead, or Right wing propagandists. Maybe she'll rule in peace and harmony after a brutal coup that leaves a trail of destruction from Des Moines to Pequot Lakes (sorry bob). I figure worst case scenario she'll be able to beat Mule, Remo and myself at the occasional video game. Which is really a big step up for the Baldee family. Domination comes in many forms.

Finally - It should be recorded in print that Harmon Laboratories, in conjunction with The Little Lady Foundation, may in the future create a 100% awesome boy to counteract the evil of Serpentras I and II. This boy will grow into a young man and may even take Serpentra II to the prom and even put the corsage on her without poking her with the pin. This young man will have a deft touch around the ladies. He will rule with Serpentra II at his side. Trust me, it'll be better for everyone. Women are crazy.

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