my life would be much cooler if the dude who sits next to me at work was replaced by michael cuddyer of the minnesota twins

...there's really no question about it. none. my life would be totally better if the guy who sat next to me was a slightly above average major league baseball player. in fact, here's a "fer instance" for you... if i was writing this blog and michael cuddyer was sitting next to me calmly resolving some issue on the phone with a client he would hang up and ask what i was doing. and i would tell him how cool it is to sit next to him during my workday and explain to him that i'm blogging about it. we could argue over whether he's slightly above average (my feelings on the subject) or rapidly improving (his stance). that would be much cooler than just writing a blog about the guy who sits next to me. nobody even knows who he is. i'm not even naming him because it doesn't matter. he could be anybody.

michael cuddyer would have to use his sick days here when the twins had day games. maybe he'd only play home games because of his intense interest in working a normal day job during the season. he'd be like the deion sanders or bo jackson of the office world. he'd have to miss sales meetings to play in a day-night doubleheader with the cubs. that would be interesting. he'd probably be a hero of the little man who would constantly say "wow, 1 for 4 with a double last night? I got tired mowing the lawn and he hit a double off of damaso marte! that would be much harder than trimming around my rose bushes. well played michael cuddyer!" i could hear him argue with his agent on his lunch hour. he'd have to rush to catch the train so he could get to the game for bp. maybe the company here would let him work an earlier shift to accommodate his schedule? i dunno. they're kinda dicks about that. but i'm not michael cuddyer of the minnesota twins so maybe it would be different if it were him.

the guy next to me sometimes talks about the soccer league he plays in on sunday nights. it's always fun to hear him go over the game even if it's about a sport i don't normally follow played by people who are not generally talented enough to deserve a crowd. michael cuddyer could talk about that walkoff homer he hit earlier this year in extra innings. that would be cooler than soccer talk in a sunday night men's league i think.

michael cuddyer is pretty much 100% more awesome than the guy who sits next to me at work. but then he's michael cuddyer. that's to be expected. man life would be sweet. "hey michael cuddyer would you like some coffee or tea? we also have hot chocolate with the little marshmallows." there would be jokes about us not being big leaguers and about him only typing 12 words per minute. that'd be the life...