A few questions that I could use an answer to as I move through yet another fantastic morning in Cuburbia.
If Dick Cheney is Darth Vader then does that make his daughter Leia? And if so would it be a sexual milestone for lesbians if she wore her hair in sidebuns and strutted around in the bikini from Return of the Jedi?
Can he be Darth if there is no good in him?
What's the proper way to bring up nutcup technology with other softball players? Sliding pants vs. old fashioned supporters isn't something I normally get into.
Were the old athletic supporters with their supergay straps and their ability to move your junk into new and surprisingly unpleasant positions 100% effective in shaming some kids into quitting sports?
How does one ask someone if it seems like my nutcup sticks out a bit more than theirs? It's not because I'm hung like Chuck Norris or anything, I just have giant balls, but maybe I look like a nervous 8th grader out there who can't keep his tackle in the box.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how nerdalicious is it to review stats from your own softball game?
What if it's the highlight of your Tuesday afternoon?
And parts of Wednesday? Y'know, at least until Lost comes on the ol' tube.
If there is a heaven (I'm hoping yes) will you be able to go back and tivo your life? Will there be G rated versions so you can watch with your family without having to worry about them seeing you at your stupid best?
Help me out here peoples...
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5 comments:
I'm guessing that most of your life it's rated Lame. The David Spade of ratings. Your life is why God didn't invent TiVo in heaven and your kids, will someday find Jesus on account of this.
-x
Do you put a time limit on your responses or something? I just wonder cuz you can't seem to string together 2-3 sentences without fucking it up. I find it entertaining that you consider my life lame and yet eagerly wait to read about it pretty much daily.
Who is the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?
what is cuburbia? is this the wonderous place of make believe that you inhabit 22/24 hours a day?
Cube or Cubicle + Suburbia = Cuburbia.
It's nice to see that our readership is so chock full of topnotch thinking power that this even needs to be addressed.
you're right Remo. i've had those antsies in my pantsies all day and i've clearly overreacted. where's todd dancer to handle this stuff? he's supposed to be our ombudsman/protector of the people and he's got nothin to offer. DAMN YOU TODD DANCER!
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