If it’s Friday… It’s Remo!!!
I met Remo in his Mom’s basement (a.k.a. The Vault) where he has been consumed with watching movies after movies and working in seclusion to craft his Perfect Article. An article that he claims “Will have the raw emotion of Arnold Schwartzeneger in Predator, the wisdom of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China and the heart of Sylvestor Stallone in Oscar.” The article still doesn’t have a release date though Remo is shooting for early 2010.
Mule: If and God forbid, Han Solo and Mal (Captain of the Serenity in the hit show Firefly) were to somehow become angered at each other and fisticuffs erupted. Who would you like in the fight?
Remo: The abridged version is neither man would win. The fight would last long into the 10th hour and eventually both men would bleed out still locked in a death grip. But with weapons I’d have to go Mal, not having fought in the Clone Wars Han is at a disadvantage.
Mule: Well, that's the rub isn't it. I guess I was thinking more of Han after the war with the rebellion. Surely you can't go against his military service in those battles?
Remo: Point taken,
However he would be older than Mal at that point. Mal is also physically bigger, muscle mass wise. The real kicker would be the background action. Jayne and Zoe launching hundreds of rounds into a mighty ticked off Wookie. I mean if he got close enough… goodnight, Jayne’s a big guy, but c’mon Chewie’s a fucking Wookie.
Then of course there’s Luke who would immediately have to go after River sensing her power, but then River would go postal, not having a light saber would be her downfall, but she may get a few good licks in temporarily taking Luke out of the picture, cause lets face it Luke was never the “toughest” jedi on the block, well of course he was the only Jedi on the block for a time.
Anyway after Chewy dispatches Jayne, and mortally wounds Zoe, he hops in the Falcon and takes to the sky with Lando to stop Serenity’s low level flyby assault. Serenity is of course no match, but Chewy realizes that R2 has snuck aboard Serenity to wreak havoc on their flight systems so he can only pursue. He doesn’t count on Wash’s flying ability, as Wash goes for a full burn in atmo. The Falcon, then, has to leave our hero’s [Mal and Han Solo] locked in mortal combat. Ironically, the Falcon still doesn’t have its hyper drive in order so it’s a pretty even race. Whilst in the air Kaylee gets in a stand off with R2. Wrench to shock dart, it’s a real thing to see.
Back planet side it’s toe to toe knuckle to knuckle as neither man will take the defensive. On the side 3PO and Doc Tam are hugging yelling, ‘Stop it, stop it!’ Little did they all know Shepherd book is on the Falcon…
I would watch it again and again, especially because Inara and Leia are in the cat fight to end all catfights.
And yes I plan on never getting laid again.
I met Remo in his Mom’s basement (a.k.a. The Vault) where he has been consumed with watching movies after movies and working in seclusion to craft his Perfect Article. An article that he claims “Will have the raw emotion of Arnold Schwartzeneger in Predator, the wisdom of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China and the heart of Sylvestor Stallone in Oscar.” The article still doesn’t have a release date though Remo is shooting for early 2010.
Mule: If and God forbid, Han Solo and Mal (Captain of the Serenity in the hit show Firefly) were to somehow become angered at each other and fisticuffs erupted. Who would you like in the fight?
Remo: The abridged version is neither man would win. The fight would last long into the 10th hour and eventually both men would bleed out still locked in a death grip. But with weapons I’d have to go Mal, not having fought in the Clone Wars Han is at a disadvantage.
Mule: Well, that's the rub isn't it. I guess I was thinking more of Han after the war with the rebellion. Surely you can't go against his military service in those battles?
Remo: Point taken,
However he would be older than Mal at that point. Mal is also physically bigger, muscle mass wise. The real kicker would be the background action. Jayne and Zoe launching hundreds of rounds into a mighty ticked off Wookie. I mean if he got close enough… goodnight, Jayne’s a big guy, but c’mon Chewie’s a fucking Wookie.
Then of course there’s Luke who would immediately have to go after River sensing her power, but then River would go postal, not having a light saber would be her downfall, but she may get a few good licks in temporarily taking Luke out of the picture, cause lets face it Luke was never the “toughest” jedi on the block, well of course he was the only Jedi on the block for a time.
Anyway after Chewy dispatches Jayne, and mortally wounds Zoe, he hops in the Falcon and takes to the sky with Lando to stop Serenity’s low level flyby assault. Serenity is of course no match, but Chewy realizes that R2 has snuck aboard Serenity to wreak havoc on their flight systems so he can only pursue. He doesn’t count on Wash’s flying ability, as Wash goes for a full burn in atmo. The Falcon, then, has to leave our hero’s [Mal and Han Solo] locked in mortal combat. Ironically, the Falcon still doesn’t have its hyper drive in order so it’s a pretty even race. Whilst in the air Kaylee gets in a stand off with R2. Wrench to shock dart, it’s a real thing to see.
Back planet side it’s toe to toe knuckle to knuckle as neither man will take the defensive. On the side 3PO and Doc Tam are hugging yelling, ‘Stop it, stop it!’ Little did they all know Shepherd book is on the Falcon…
I would watch it again and again, especially because Inara and Leia are in the cat fight to end all catfights.
And yes I plan on never getting laid again.
6 comments:
This is possibly the finest piece of literature I have encountered .
I am overcome with emotion .
You sir have tapped into a river that flows with future story lines the Secret Wars or Celebrity Death match the Space or SCI fi addition perhaps ?
I am inspired thank you sir thank you indeed .
Nice spelling here boys, who edits your stuff? Are you even trying?
-x
The sad part is that you couldn't write that all yourself. That means that everybody on the website had to of helped you write that. Which is just sad. I find your comebacks lacking. Remo, the bitch champion of the bitch website.
-x
i compare this site to a basketful of kittens. cute, cuddly and appealing as a whole, until you put a piece of meat in there and they get all ornery - all hissy and spitty with tiny paws flailing, claws beared... and yet... there they are... still all nice and cute in that basket.
it was only a matter of time until we were compared to a basket o' kittens. i think the over/under was 28 years, but still - just a matter of time....i had the over.
but, now that it's been said i must agree with bryan adams - it does indeed cut like a knife, and yes, it does feel so right.
well yeah, hence the quoting of bryan adams.
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