Mailbag!!!

Welcome to the mailbag. This is a mailed in version of an article that is used in lieu of actually writing something meaningful. It is also offers an opportunity for those of you that canÂ’t speak your thoughts during the week. To make your opinion known, email badmothercoitus@yahoo.com with your question and your name and city and state youÂ’re from. Here are real letters from real people, that really read this.

Jackass,
Fuck you guys. why won't you let me back on to post? I went into my login thing and it wouldn't let me in. I totally know you guys blocked me out. What's the deal? Did Harmon do it? Whys he always got a stick up his ass anyways, I'm justrainin to have some fun. You guys need to get out and get laid by some sweetass chicks. You should go to the triple rock with me instead of doing whatever gay ass stuff you guys have been up to. did you block me out? I know what my password is so I didn't forget it. I know you're gonna say I did but I didn't forget I know my shit.

Your blog thing is lame anyways so who care if you won't let me in? I'll just be off banging some chic instead of typing on a computer like you loosers. And seriously what the hell have you been writing about lately? You two going up on a mountain together? What's it called brokeback? fags. And Harmon ripping on me for being lame? god what a dick. Where' is he anyways, he won't call me back. And what's with his post about how long it takes to drive to work? You think people care? they don't care. They want to know where to find the hot chicks in this state. that should be the blog, just me telling dudes where to get the pussy in this town. I could put up links for my 'stang and tell chicks where to audition for one of my movies. You know I'm gonna make those movies. Jason's all set up to film it, he's really good with a camera too so don't laugh. We did some tests without the chick and it was awesome. Fuckin' Harmon. He doesn't know shit about what girls want. they should call him Do No Harm cuz that's what the girls say when they think of him. Hey, we should totally call him Harm, it's like a double meaning y'know? So do you think the dipshit will let me post again? I just want to help you guys out man.

Hey, before I go I gotta tell ya I'm taking that vaca. Fuckin tahiti and st. Juans and stuff, it's gonna be awesome. cruise with a bunch of ladies down in the pacific, shit yeah. maybe i'll email ya and show you what your missing.

Todd Dancer everybody. I am almost... completely... without words on how to write back to that... Actually the two of us met for drinks at Costello's last night and he told me he was going to do this. The most painful aspect, of the creature that is known as Todd, is that he really does get laid. Ladies, I implore you, show some self respect.

I'm still of the opinion that most of it is sympathy sex, I mean, the kid isn't good looking, his pick-up lines all suck and, as you can tell from the above email he does have definite problems with the predominant language of the United States so... Todd Dancer everybody.

Why is it that your mailbag questions are asinine but not quite as obnoxious as The Believer’s “Ask Amy”? Do you intend to do something about this?

Dr Gonzo
www.pontificationsofdrgonzo.blogspot.com
Unofficial Advocate of The Believer magazine

This is one that I really wish I could float over to Harmon as he reads. I've never actually read anything in my entire life and only learned how to type in a learning style akiHelenellen Keller, this is complicated further by the fact that I only speak Wookie.

But to address your question: It's the readers that ask the questions, we're just the poor bastards forced to come up with witty retorts back to it. And, dear Doctor, at 8:12am, prior to coflegitimateimate conversation, especially in light of the previous email, is not something that comes natural to me. No, this is more of a job for a similar person in your field, Dr. Dian Fossey who studied the fabulous Gorilla's in their natural environs of Africa. Five gets you one she could train her gorilla's to adequately respond back to your question, and probably not in Wookie either.

Addressing the post Untitled Number 47 from your website.

Speaking as somebody that has been involved with poetry since the day that I was born, and being somebody that can tell good poetry, I can tell that you have never really lived. The line, "the poet's down here, they don't write nothing at all" 1) doesn't fit into the rest of piecepeice and 2) forgets the likes of all of the good young poets out here, living in this world that you are blind to.

I fancy myself to be a bit of a poet and as the acting President of the Buniversityrsity Poetry Chapter, I believe you understand nothing about the craft. Writing poetry is not something you will ever be able to understand and all that you can do is form cheap comments about it. You have no soul if you cannot grasp what poetry is. Poetry is something that is written because you have to, or else your whole body would explode.

I feel bad for anybody that does not understand poetry; and for that your life wilfulfilledilled.

Eve Cole
President of the Buniversityrsity Poetry Chapter

Hail to the Chief we say hail cos she'schiefcheif
She stole most of her argument for that she thieftheif
So instead of saying hail we'll say Heil and call her Adolf
Cos the reasoning she makes up is what wafraidafrad of

So, something kinda like that? I kid. I think you make very good points, Eve. I think you're making most of the points that were made in the article, that poetry exists everywhere and that you can't write it down, or at least that's what I'm reading out of what you're writing. Poetry is too much of an intimate art that it doesn't work for anybody besides the person that really writes it. If it's spoken, then that's something that is different and if it's put into a song then that's something else too. But those measure the inflections and intentmore sooreso than the actual written word.

Yeah, the out of context Bruce Springsteen line was a little bit on the nose, but it fit, sort of, into context. So, if poetry is nothing and you are the president of poetry, can we take that argument and prove that you are the poetry of nothing? That's something to be debated later on, but something that should be debated nonetheless.