HARMON'S TOP 10...

...movies of the year.

It was hard cutting this list down to a top 10. I know you're thinking, how did you do it Harmon? What were the many issues you faced in making your decisions? Please inform us forthwith!

So! The issues. The number one issue being that there were barely 10 movies worth seeing this year, so rating them is kind of ridiculous. For every solid if unspectacular CRASH there were 10 DUKES OF HAZZARDS. It was...unfortunate. I mean, if you only see 12 movies then the 10th movie in your top ten is something you probably rented on a Thursday night in August when you had a cold. It's not exactly worthy of much regard. This was the year in disappointment actually. The roster of movies looked solid with a few major releases to be excited about. Much like a KC Royals fan in spring training I was optimistic despite several reasons why I should not have been. Almost all of the movies this year disappointed in one manner or another.

The worst offenders in disappointment (does that make sense?) were THE CORPSE BRIDE, THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, WAR OF THE WORLDS (of which I heard the most ridiculous complaint OF ALL TIME - more on that later) and THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA -THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE I'M BORED WITH YOU. They all failed to live up to what they should have been. Not the media hype or anything outside the borders of the movie screen either. I'm talking about what they could control. If you're going to make a romantic comedy at least try to make it as good as WHEN HARRY MET SALLY or NEXT STOP WONDERLAND. Oh, and stop casting J.Lo, she can't act or sing, and while it's impressive that she makes a living singing and acting despite the absences of these skills it's still pretty boring to watch. If you're going to make a comedy have some balls and make SPINAL TAP or something equally unique and daring. Those movies were good because they were honest about what they wanted and then they executed it to perfection. NARNIA failed because it tried to act like it lived in a world where moviegoers hadn't seen the LORD OF THE RINGS films. LOTR was many things but mostly it was an epic story that was okay with being an EPIC STORY! NARNIA wants to be a small character study but failed to notice that it lacked any interesting characters.

THE CORPSE BRIDE, with talent ungodly, couldn't get off the ground. Johnny Depp? Wasted. Helena Bonham Carter? Bored. Danny Elfman? Muted. The Remains of Tim Burton? Rotted. I'm a huge Burton fan but this was the most underwhelming movie of his in a long time, maybe ever. And yes that includes Planet of the Apes. I didn't want to blame him for that movie sucking, it wasn't his material after all, but maaaaaaan did CORPSE BRIDE let me down. HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE and WAR OF THE WORLDS both failed because of their respective histories. The GUIDE was always an overly literal, wordplayish, goofy English time that read well on the page, but the overall movie was boring AND rushed. It's not easy to bore people when you're running all over the place but nevertheless they pulled it off. Disappointing too in that I like the lead guy from the UK Office, I like Mos Def, and I like Zooey Deschanel, I just hope they can find their way to better material in the future. Yes, me, random blogger, is concerned about their welfare. It's touching, no?

WAR OF THE WORLDS of course has it's own history to deal with, one that I thought everyone knew about. I mean, the radio drama was amazing. I don't have much else to add on this except that one guy in the theatre stated the following after the aliens died due to our atmosphere. "Whaaaaaaat? Honey what killed 'em? Why they dyin'?" Seriously he must live in the sweetest cave ever because he never leaves the thing.

NARNIA was also a disappointment because, call me crazy, but a mystical land with magic and talking animals and whatnot ought to feel...I dunno...magical? The film made it seem like the kids were playing checkers in the park with a wino. Not the safest thing to do but not that risky either.

Some notables that just missed the cut. I don't know why I mention them, it's not like they can work harder and move up the list.

Crash - I felt like I was being preached to. Excellent cast, excellent ideas, but it seemed more like one person talking than a bunch of individual characters.

Star Wars III - Darth Vader stumbling about like Frankenstein and letting out a ridiculous bellow? Noooooooooooooooooo.

Wedding Crashers - So close to excellent and yet a bit short. I like that they ushered in the R rated comedy season again but this could have been much better.

and now to the list...

10 - CONSTANTINE. I didn't expect much of this movie. But you combine the occult, Keanu and Rachel Weisz and you get a pretty sweet little 2 hours. Also, Djimon Hounsou (love him in everything) was great as Papa Midnight.

9 - MARCH OF THE PENGUINS. I have a thing for penguins. If I were to attempt to live with any grouping of animals it would probably be penguins. I know they smell terrible and there's that whole living either in the ocean or Antarctica (neither of which I am designed for) but man they're cool. You haven't lived until you've seen thousands of penguins walking in a line of 2 or 3 across, their heads swaying ridiculously from side to side. Their story is amazing and you won't be disappointed. What they do to survive is...well...it's fucking preposterous. I don't want to ruin it for you, just check it out.

8 - King Kong. Huge sections of this movie were excellent and it had a chance at the number one spot for a while. But then self awareness set in. They didn't want Jack Black going all Tenacious D so they rein him in to the point where he's boring. It's a good thing Kong was so dynamic and bombastic because the humans in this movie were all wallflowers. Special shout out to Naomi Watts for being the 2nd most beautiful woman on the planet. One side note as well, one that kind of scares me actually, the script goes out of it's way to avoid cliches and cheesy popcorn movie acting. It succeeds. But it also felt a little hollow because of it. There just wasn't much going on (and therefore much to like) when Kong was offscreen.

7 - Syriana. There's a scene where Matt Damon's character is talking to a Prince from the Middle East. They discuss the past, present and future of the western world's perception of the Middle East. It's one of the 5 best scenes I've had the pleasure of watching in my life. The background story is complex and I won't go into it here but it's fascinating to watch these two men from different backgrounds come to terms with each other and their roles in the world.

6 - Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Ridiculously well done. I happen to know a few professional puppet/clay/etc animators (who doesn't really?) and even they are in shock at how good Nick Park and his team is. Best "family" movie of the year.

5 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Surprise of the year. Robert Downey Jr and Val Kilmer rock out with their cocks out in this one. A near-parody of the action genre that happens to be a damn good time. It was so good that most people never even bothered to check it out. Shane Black wrote and directed this film that openly mocks yet somehow evokes the best out of his past. Black was the screenwriter for the Lethal Weapon movies, Last Boy Scout and others. He knows action. He knows how to flip a coin too and show the other side of it. 100% awesome.

4 - 40 Year Old Virgin. I've been a fan of Steve Carell since the Daily Show days but he takes it up a notch here. And The Little Lady loves Catherine Keener so it was an easy sell. Damn funny movie, much better than Wedding Crashers (which got high rankings for being unabashedly R rated and therefore showing a lot of fake breasts landing on beds). Nothing wrong with that, but the Virgin was flat out funnier. "Know how I know you're gay? You like coldplay."

3 - Batman Begins. This deserves it's own column. An excellent cast and a very realistic approach could save the Batman franchise. Thank God. This is the best superhero movie ever made. Period. And for making us wait so damn long can someone go smack the holy hell out of Joel Schumacher for nearly burying this franchise? Even my wife was sitting there going "oh, this is cool, why didn't they mention he trained with ninjas and stuff in the other movies?". Great movie.

2 - Walk the Line. I don't normally care about awards ceremonies. But for some reason I still get a little tinkle in my heart for the Oscars and I hope they honor those who deserve it. If Joaquin and Reese (who I didn't even like prior to this film) don't win best Actor and Actress awards for their work in this film than there is a Mountain-sized agenda going on in Hollywood. Plus, Johnny Cash is one of the 5 coolest humans ever, so anything honoring him in any way is completely acceptable.

1 - Sin City. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I usually don't go in for all the Rodriguez and Tarantino bullshit. They're normally very good to excellent but they miss the point more often than not. This movie is mostly Rodriguez but due to their friendship it's hard to separate them at this point. This time they use all their bravado to excellent effect. Rodriguez (and Frank Miller) pull off the most faithful adaptation of a comic to film ever. And they reap the rewards because of it. I've never seen a movie quite like this before. Completely over the top, completely draped in beautiful lighting and the occasional color for effect. Great cast, great script, great visuals. And the perspectives on some of the scenes (many taken directly from the comic book) are heartbreakingly good. Looks better than anything coming out of Asia these days (House of Flying Daggers, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, etc) but the story is actually engrossing too. I grew up watching Mike Hammer detective shows on late night with my older brother and I'll always have a thing for the hardboiled language of the noir or noir-esque films. This movie's got it all. I'd say it's a film noir on steroids but then I'd have to slap myself, and I'm not a slapper.