I’m tired of following my dreams. I’m just gonna’ ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.
- Mitch hedberg
Today I’m sick. It’s fabu. Fabu is short for fabulous. Try it out, it’s kind of fun. It kind of makes it more masculine. Well, as masculine as you can make a word like “fabulous” anyway.
I’m sick today, which doesn’t rock so much. It’s pretty annoying actually. It’s your standard sore throat, 40 pound head feeling. And no, I haven’t been hanging out with any birds on my worldwide travels so put away the torch and pitchfork you crazy mob you. America is kind of funny about this whole possible pandemic thing. For one thing, how often do these things roll around? Not to be a shit about it but doesn’t this just seem like something for tv news people to talk about? Every year it’s something that will kill us all if we’re not vigilant and how can you be vigilant if you’re not watching channel 5 news at 5 and Fox news at 9? I’ll deal with the tv news bullshit some other day, I just don’t have the energy at the moment, but I thought it merited mentioning.
Anyway, back to the pandemic already not in progress. There is a very good chance that none of what we worry about will affect us. I don’t know of anyone who has gotten the west nile virus and yet it’s been all over the front pages of the newspapers, on the ticker on CNN and on the radio updates on my way home from work. This thing has killed fewer people than a bad couple of hours in Baghdad but we talk about as if it actually impacts our lives. What’s the reason for this? I think we love having a virus to talk about. It melts your flesh? Sweet. It turns your organs to mush? Tell me more. We’re weird cats that way. Very curious and yet very afraid. That cat analogy totally rocks by the way. Scaredy Cat, Curiosity killed the cat…I kinda pulled that one out of my ass.
The entertaining thing about being sick is that while you’re all sweaty and half in a dream state you get to play the “maybe this isn’t the run of the mill flu” game and try to expand on your various symptoms. I think satan created webmd just to get people worrying about everything that might be wrong with them. Your toes are red and irritated? It could be athlete’s foot, or maybe a reaction to some new socks, or possibly…bowel cancer. I’d like to think I’m not a hypochondriac but c’mon, if you’re looking at symptoms for something relatively benign and then you see “cancer” somewhere in the story you immediately jump to that section right? I think this is just how we are. We’re horrified with this stuff and yet we always want to look at it more. Or maybe this is just me and I’m a whacko. ‘Tis a possibility. I mean, I do blog.
Maybe we thrive on fear. Maybe we’d thrive without it. I’m still trying to figure that sort of thing out and it’s difficult to focus when I’ve taken Nyquil. But it’s a fun sort of not-focusing. For now I’ll just plan on getting some rest and see what new disease I can google tomorrow.
- Harmon
