I’ve got concerns
Stopped by the folks’ place last night. It was just supposed to be quick “how do you do” and then I would be off into the night to run various errands before heading home to the Little Lady.
My parents have both retired in the past few years, my dad most recently, and they are growing more and more insane with each passing day. I love the hell out of ‘em but seriously. Wow. They’re goofy. I don’t remember them being this bizarre as a kid. Maybe I was more focused on He-Man getting away from Mer-Man or something and I failed to notice. But I don’t think so. I think they’ve become unhinged now that they don’t have to act normal in society 40 hours of the week. Not that I blame them. I’m running my freak flag up the pole all day every day as soon as I get the chance. But it is disconcerting.
To be honest a large part of this may not be their fault. They’re certainly 100% batshit crazy but I mean the issue last night that led to this little post isn’t entirely their fault. My brother, who is well-meaning, had convinced them to get high speed internet, a wireless card for the laptop AND vonage digital phone service instead of their old standard phone line. He convinced them to do this all at one time. My parents are retirees and while there is no one I trust more when it comes to life and cars and stuff on this planet they definitely lack a bit when it comes to this sort of technology. Did I mention my well-meaning brother lives far, far away and can only assist by phone during the setup process? And also that he has no patience. He has never in his entire life paused for a moment to consider anything and expects that you do the same. Or else you’re an idiot. He’s what I like to call a loveable asshole. And no, I don’t mean THAT kind of loveable.
So I walk into this maelstrom (great word that, and dutch too which is always fun) of angry adult child on the phone and confused retirees in my midst and I say the stupidest possible thing at the stupidest possible moment. “Can I help?” What I should have done is gone out to the garage and grabbed a shovel and hit both of my parents in the head with it and then myself. It would have been a far more productive evening.
I spent the next few hours trying to set up email while my dad asked me to call the house to make sure the house phone was working and my mom asked me questions about the wireless card. It was chaos. I’m fairly certain that if I had looked up from the computer screen I would have seen Satan reclining on the couch with some potato chips laughing at all of us.
After much effort it was decided by my father that the wireless card is all well and good but he’d really rather run a wire to the computer. Thus making him feel good and safe because he understands wires and connections and he does not like wireless communications and spiffy little usb cards that have a little red glowing light. They are obviously evil and can only be killed by running wires throughout the entire house. If given the choice between manually running 119 wires throughout each room of the house or trying to understand the wireless system I can virtually guarantee you my dad would have been standing there with his drill and wondering when he could get started.
I ran away screaming into the night shortly after that and the rest is a blur.
