Welcome to the mailbag. This is a mailed in version of an article that is used in lieu of actually writing something meaningful. It is also offers an opportunity for those of you that can’t speak your thoughts during the week. To make your opinion known, email badmothercoitus@yahoo.com with your question and your name and city and state you’re from.
Here are real letters from real people, that really read this.
"Cute [website] name, have you people ever been laid?"
Tami Erickson Phoenix, Arizona
Thank you, Tamara, and yes. However, as with most great questions in the universe it is one that ultimately comes down to perspective. I, myself, have a great love for the midget sex and physically do not love normal sized women. In one sense, it’s because my dick is too small, in another sense... well, it’s because my dick is too small. You see Tamara, when a person lacks a substantial manhood, he also then lacks the ability to pleasure a normal woman, and thus it doesn’t leave our gentlemen short dick caller with that many ladies to call upon. But it does leave the large population of midget women that are into normal sized men, that still want a dick that is more of a “comfort fit”.
The matter of perspective comes into play when translating the amount of pipe laid in midgets and creating a logarithm to turn that midget count into normal women. I, the one that enjoys casual relations with the little folk and has been known to yell out “Oh Bilbo” at given times (this was until I found out that even though it was girls that played the hobbits in the Lord of the Rings, they really were playing guys. Guy hobbits, not girl hobbits. And while I thought the hobbits were still cute, I still didn’t think it was right, and have, subsequently, removed all of their posters from my wall).
But I believe that one hobbit, or one midget or dwarf or whatever the little fuckers are, one of them should equal one women. But most other members of the staff here don’t agree, and they don’t agree with themselves. They still haven’t decided if one lady midget should count as half of one normal chick or if midgets shouldn’t count at all.
This leads me to point out two things. Women’s suffering and the fact that everybody has the right to vote. I don’t know what they mean, but I think everybody else does. It certainly shuts them up and gives them a nice glass of humble pie.
So in answer to your question, the answer would be two or twice. I’ve been laid twice. And yes, you can count one person twice if you do it with her on two separate days.
"Would you please explain people’s need to make comments in the morning or just even fucking talk? Especially on the elevator when I don’t want to talk with anybody."
Nate Summers, New York
I’m pleased as piss that you brought this up, Nathan, as Bad Mother Coitus will shortly be having a seven part, hard hitting column on the seven layers of hell on Earth. It will be beginning next week and concluding sometime in December, make sure to check local listings. Lucky fellow that you are, one of the many things that has notably found its’ way onto the seven layers of hell is the actual act of conversation.
To shed some light on your more case specific question, however, a bit of inferring and assuming must be done. I’m guessing that this situation, what other, less sensitive people may refer to as a condition, strikes mostly prior to 10 AM or, more to the point, before the first cup of coffee. You are not alone, brother. You are not suffering from any condition; it is everybody else that isn’t normal. They are the ones that should have the fucking leashes put to them.
These people that insist on talking, especially in the morning, are obviously clinically depressed people that have little to no self esteem, or a self esteem that is described as such that they need the physical/verbal reassurance that they are still alive and that they didn’t die in their sleep and that their sub-conciousess idea of heaven is to get up and go to work in the morning and lead their cold and lonely version of life.
Nathan, whatever you do, do not acknowledge them. If our good friend Pavlov taught us nothing, it is the simple fact that people will be become conditioned to asking questions at too early of hours and expecting some form of pleasant response back. Savages, one and all, and certainly not to be trusted. Keep the faith brother, be strong.
"You are sure gonna get a lot of interesting email once you actually post your address!! welcome to blogger. Thanks for stealing my template. I’ll beat you both up for that later. Visit my site, as I have linked to yours. Write a bitch about linking if you must, but youre still gonna be linked. So, how high are your estrogen levels today?"
The Almighty Doctor Gonzo, St. Paul, Minnesota
Well, thanks for pointing out to the entire world that we’re all women on this website and that while we did use male jargon, our desire to completely subvert the entire population of males on this earth. Especially untactful was your outting of the Estrogen button, and now all of malehood is going to know that we actually can keep track of our estrogen levels, and that we are able to press this button when we wish to go into Full Bitch Mode.
But thanks for linking to us, we’re always grateful for somebody that likes it enough to keep reading, even though the website was made to describe how much we hate the world.
-- Bad Mother Coitus --ˇ
