The Interview Bootlegs

I met Rodney in a crowded Italian restaurant on Grand Avenue, a spot that he insisted on showing me as it had what was, according to him, the best pizza in the Twin Cities. “You see the way that they do the Italian sausage here, it’s the best… the Best!”

A few months back, Rodney had stopped a party and issued a formal challenge to all people of a meteorological background to fisticuffs. “The only real regret”, he says as he pours himself another grenadine coke, “was that I took away as much from the party as I did. It was the Holiday Party, after all, and I think that I overcooked the chicken by making my challenge and then sticking around for the brief question and answer period after it.”

I wanted to do this follow-up conversation with him to make sure that his intentions were still pure and that the challenge was still out there. I also wanted to see if anybody had accepted his challenge as of yet and whether he had bested them.

Bad Mother Coitus: What was the motivation for having an outstanding challenge to fight all weather people?

Rodney: Look, I could go on TV and start talking about how cold and how it will snow in January. I say no thank you. They are not only not very accurate, but not confident either, since no one has responded to my challenge.

BMC: So do you consider the weather people to be a cowardly lot?

R: As long as they have Doppler Radar, they will be hiding behind a false pretense.

BMC: Aren't you afraid of the Doppler Radar? These are all college grads and most likely have some or rudimentary skills in the art of Kung Fu?

R: I would say ballroom dancing rather than kung fu.

BMC: I'm going to get right down to the hard-hitting question, is it true that you once had a dust up with a local weatherman when you verbally chastised him with repeated accusations that, and I quote, "You are a nerd"?

R: No, no, and no....

BMC: I have the video tape surveillance camera from that night as you held the nerd down and screamed indecent things to his face, are you saying that this isn't true? Remember, you are talking about Weather people, it's not like they're human beings.

R: So what if I did?

BMC: I'm not accusing you of anything, but what was it like, to stare that sort of evil in the face and to emerge the victor. Weather people are in league with the devil, yes?

R: Correct, I mean they are bottom feeders of bottom feeder waste, if that makes sense...

BMC: So you're saying that we should drowned all Weather people? Is this some sort of final solution?

R: Oh god no, just let me challenge them to a fight.

BMC: Typically, according to Sun Tzu's Art of War, combatants will pick weapons for a duel. Would you set parameters for this or would it just be in front of the blue weather screen with a hurricane in the background: Winner takes all?

R: Winner takes all. I am going to hit their Doppler so hard, they will crap their pants with fear.