i am doing everything i can to not whine about work and january weather and everything else in my life that i'm not a fan of at the moment. i've found that all whining does is convince the ladyfolks to find someone more interesting to pay attention to. ladyfolks like action.
i don't know what kind of action i'm going to take but i can tell by the queasy feeling in my stomach that there will be some sort of action taken soon. well, either that or i got punched in the pants and didn't notice (but that seems unlikely). i am, like most dudes, kinda protective of the bathing suit area.
i've got good music coming out of the 1 and a half speakers on my desk and that's kinda nice. I say 1 and a half speakers because one of them barely puts out any sound. putting out sound, you would think, would be high on the list of things a speaker needs to do but apparently the wise and discerning gentlemen at GE weren't as focused on that particular issue as I was. There's a lesson in this. When you pay $10 for some speakers because you were killing time at Target while the Little Lady was doing some shopping you sort of deserve to only have 1 and a half of the speakers work.
i'd like to think that listening to my morning jacket while hacking this out would be more entertaining than it is. i'm still on the fence about this band. i like them but i haven't figured out why yet, and that's a little disconcerting. like noting that a certain gentleman was charming and interesting at a dinner party and then finding out later he was a serial killer. i need to know why i like something or it taints the journey a bit because i'm always holding back. maybe the reason why i like this band (but can never love it) is because they remind me of a journey or kansas song i liked when i was just a tot and didn't know any better. mind you, i'm not saying that's the case with them. i'm just sayin' you don't want to buy a bunch of albums of a band, pick up a t-shirt and see them in concert and suddenly wake up one day and think "the hit single from these guys sounds like a rip off of when the children cry by white lion." that's a horrifying thought.
a few years ago i realized that i needed to stop pretending i was idealistic and focus on being reliable. it's a lesson i think everyone must learn at their own pace. there's no definite timeline that it needs to happen, but it needs to happen. half of success is just showing up. it's amazing how many people can't do that. but i've come to the realization that i think i understand what it means to be reliable and for the most part i think i've got it covered. so now i'm going to move into the next part of my life. reliable AND idealistic. here's a short breakdown to help you understand.
Age 0-18: all idealistic. i'm gonna change the world and blah blah blah.
Age 19-25: pretend idealistic/semi-reliable. the death of childhood dreams and the awkward first intimations with adulthood.
Age 26-29: reliable. nothing special, just show up and dedicate yourself to whatever it is that needs to be done. this would be the montage sequence if there was a movie about your life.
Age 30-?: reliable AND idealistic. i've dedicated myself to something i have no interest in. now i need to find out what it's like to dedicate myself to something that i actually have interest in.
Age 65-Death: idealistic (with a brief moment or two of outright crazy). dust to dust and we all go round again. it's easy to be idealistic when you're young and stupid or old and war-worn.
people always say things like "we don't know what the future holds" like the future is a container of sorts. i don't know about that. i don't know if it's a container or if it's a good idea to look at the future as an empty space. i don't know what the future holds, but i know i'm gonna try to fill the fucker up. and that seems like a goal worth working for.
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2 comments:
This is interesting, and tomorrow might be a counterpoint to this. Not being somebody that is reliable (and typically doesn't show up) I think this is interesting, however wrong it may be. I think you were trying to find America and discovered Canada, but still thought it was America. Makes you think
counterpoint on, mule. as a reliable/idealistic person, i would love to hear this from a different perspective. what are you? idealistic/rational? idealistic/alcoholic? ;o)
i can definitely see that as a pattern in my life. however, i would say that i am, and never will be 100% of either side. there will always be a balance of 60/40, switching sides when needed.
i am reliablby in my new job, but sitting here with high expectations and ideals of where i want to go and how i want to better the company. perhaps that makes me an expectorant? [cough cough].....
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