Monday, April 03, 2006

The Crackdown

I got the following email this morning from management.

"Last week, it was brought to my attention that some of our staff have been observed utilizing the internet for personal use during business hours. As a reminder, please keep your personal internet usage confined to your lunch and break periods."

This is particularly entertaining because my boss is the only person I know who spends more time online than I do. It's also kind of fun because he'll ask me to look up information online for him at times. I spend a fair amount of time on the ol' interweb. This is not a secret. Heck, I'm writing this right now when I could be running reports or doing something similarly productive. Obviously I'm taking this with a grain of salt, or rather so many grains of salt that I could use it to store meat. But I found it entertaining.

Last night baseball, in almost all its glory, began anew. I say "almost" all its glory because the two teams that I have sworn a bloodfeud with for the year were playing. I can't stand either team (The White Sox for being stupid enough to have their logo in Olde English and the Indians for being really fucking talented). But it's baseball so I was pleased.

I was very pleased to see the baseball gods call down a three hour rain delay on the game. Welcome back to your Chisox smiting ways baseball gods. At some point in time I hope to write the following sentence - "And the sky opened up, and a great rain did fall. Buehrle fell to his knees in awe, he then was judiciously smited by the baseball god of Southpaws, for Buehrle was a disgrace in the eyes of the Gods when compared to the Angelic presence of Johan Santana." Seriously, I hope to write that.

For now I'll just have to enjoy knowing that CC Sabathia managed to pull his hambone (or was it Calzonebone?) and had to shut 'er down. I'm not a professional genius or anything but chances are when you weigh 375 pounds and pitch for a living you might have a problem with pulled muscles. I hate to laugh at a guy who got injured but, well, I did send out a text message to all baseball fans that said "suck it cc" when I saw him go down. I regret nothing. Anyone who wears his hat cocked to the side like that deserves a trip to the 15 day DL.

Just under 33 hours until Santana Vs Holladay begins. It's my understanding the baseball Gods already have their peanuts shelled and their dogs have been dragged through the garden. If you listen closely around 6:05 tomorrow night you'll be able to hear a few gods skipping gleefully. Usually they're pretty badass so it's something to watch for.

2 comments:

littlebmouse said...

Heres what I noticed.. You never mentioned once that the Chi Sox won the opening day game 10-4. did it really hurt so much that you couldn't bring yourself to mention it.
And for the record I don't know if you make it out much, but I rarely make it through a day in MN without seeing someone sporting a SOX hat or jacket, T-shirt etc. Which is WAY more than I see people sporting twins gear.

MF said...

Of course I noticed they won, that's immaterial though. They managed to bore their "fans" on Opening Day which is just another in a long line of ChiSox embarrasments. Also I am not concerned with the win for two reasons. One, I expect the Indians to be the Twins real threat this year so any loss for them is good for me. Two, I believe these two teams will basically split their season series so some of these games have to go their way. I'm a realist that way.
What counts for "getting out"? Cuz with my work release bracelet it's kinda tough. I haven't noticed many people wearing ChiSox hats or jackets or whatever. The Twins are definitely at the top of the list around here followed by the Yankees (no surprise) and the Red Sox (again, no surprise) and then random teams. This is based on a completely unscientific study of me walking through a mall or other crowded place.
Also, the Minneapolis police started giving out ChiSox hats to repeat offenders of petty crimes so they would be easy to spot. So that's probably what you're seeing. Everyone knows a ChiSox fan would steal from you as soon as look at you so it's a good program.