February can kiss my ass

I realize by naming this little post something like that I've virtually guaranteed a 20 degree drop in temperature and a heavy snowfall roughly equivalent to the amount of cocain that has gone up every starlet's nose in hollywood for the past 20 years. (on a side note, if you got a snow globe for Columbia would it be filled with little bits of cocain?) And yeah, that was a long way to go for a cocain joke. But much like Brett Favre behind the O-line of the 96 Packers I've got all kinds of time.

I hate February. I don't know if it hates me or not. As far as I can tell February is ambivalent towards me. So now I'm gonna rattle her cage and see what happens. It can't be much worse.

Part of what makes February honk the horn is it's fault and part of it is not. February happens to be a cold month, of which I am not a fan. The snow can be pretty and fun when you're sitting at home reading a book with some tea or cocoa sitting nearby. But the allure of the snow and the bizarre feeling we minnesotans get when we think we're hardier than others because we put up with this stuff wears off around mid January. No more holidays to look forward to with family and friends. Just cold. For two months. Just ice on the road that makes going out to rent season one of The Wire seem like a chore.

Now, lacking holidays can't be entirely blamed on February. I mean they are trying with the whole MLK Jr. day. Which I'm fully behind. And not just because I think I deserve more time off. MLK Jr. is one of the beautifully flawed humans that I actually consider a hero. That's rare for me. But February has managed to fuck it up and so we still have to work on MLK Jr. day. This wouldn't happen if everyone was in a good mood. Put MLK Jr. day in June and we'd have that thing as a national holiday in no time. Everyone's pissed and gives up on the world in February.

There are no sports worth watching this time of year. The super bowl is over. Baseball has yet to start. The NBA and the NHL are still pretending their regular seasons matter when they clearly do not. And they don't call it February Madness do they? So college basketball is out. This isn't February's fault directly, but I think it kinda is.

I think that somewhere in the annals of time the leaders said "y'know what, let's have a month where everyone just mails it in." And February was born. Does anyone try in February? And if so, why? It's snowing right now but it's just barely coming down. Typical. Even the snow isn't put forth the effort this time of year. I guarantee you we'll get 6 inches of snow in March a couple of times. March is all fired up. March likes to play a bit. February? February is the month of half-assing life. And me? I'm a whole ass kinda guy.