Coming next week! An all out extravaganza of baseball foolishness. Me and the Mule have been debating who would win in a drunken bar fight between various Twins players for the better part of the last couple days. We think we have a firm grasp on the situation. So, beginning on Monday the 13th we will be holding a tournament to determine who will reign supreme. Who will be your 06 Bar Fight Champion? Only time will tell (or Mule if you get him drunk).
We don't normally do this sort of thing here at the BMC headquarters. But some ideas are too good to pass up. Sure we've considered having "theme weeks" in the past but we haven't really bothered to follow through with them. Partially this was due to subject matter - I happen to disagree with Mule on our readership's interest in a weeklong debate between whether Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony was the better series. But this, this is a solid idea.
We have narrowed the field down to a prestigious (or anonymous) group of 64. All players on the 40 man roster will be included. There will also be some notables from years gone by. We will also include ownership, upper management and the coaching staff. There will be havoc. But this isn't a Celebrity Deathmatch sort of thing. This is just a drunken bar fight. Something brothers might do with a little too much tequila and an old grudge from their Bantam hockey days. So, here are the ground rules...
GROUND RULES
1. The players have to fight according to their hitting/pitching skills. So for instance, Justin Morneau will be going for a knockout punch every time rather than some nice easy jabs (singles to left field). Nick Punto will be all about quick jabs with no power. And he'll probably slide for no reason at some point in time. I haven't figured out what the equivalent to a slide into 1st base is yet but hey, that's what the weekend is for.
2. The players must treat each fight AS IF THEY HAVE TO RELY ON THE GUY THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR A GAME TOMORROW. So, if you have a good team player and he's fighting Johan Santana he will do everything he can to WIN the fight AND AVOID hurting Johan's left hand. If you have a bad team guy, well, let's just say he might be going after Mauer's or Kubel's knee to get himself some playing time.
3. There will be 4 brackets of 16 fighters each. These fighters will each have to fight according to their bracket's requirements. We have named each bracket in honor of past Twins players and the fights will be held in their most obvious environments. The brackets are as follows:
Kirby Puckett Bracket: All fights must take place in the bathroom of the bar in question.
Kent Hrbek Bracket: Hrbek is a huge fan of the outdoors so all fights in this bracket will be in a Northwoods bar. This means there will be various mounted heads on the walls. Do not overlook how valuable a deer antler can be in this situation.
Harmon Killebrew Bracket: Like most pleasant old guys I assume Harmon spends his time at the local VFW. All fights in his bracket will take place in a smoky, no ventihalation VFW. Anyone with asthma (or an affinity for older ladies) will have problems with this bracket.
Tony Oliva Bracket: The great Tony O hails from Cuba so all fights in his bracket will take place at the Copa Cobana or similar cantinas. Those spanish tile floors are slick as hell if they get wet. This could factor into the whole Punto unnecessary sliding thing. Also, the winner of this bracket gets a Cuban Pork Samich. They are fantastic.
So come on back on Monday and we'll begin breaking down the first bracket. Each day, Monday-Thursday, we will crown a winner of each bracket. Friday we will have the final four face off and announce the winner.
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