DVDefect

DVDefect.

Saturday

Saturday is a day filled with possibilities. You can sleep all day, get a project done, go on an all day bender, or just relax on the couch. Saturday (provided you don’t have to work) is the best day of the year.
But of all the Saturdays the aforementioned relaxing on the couch Saturday is my favorite. Sure the laundry piles up, and the dishes never do seem to wash themselves, but Saturday isn’t for such dark deeds. You wake up at dawn… noonish, crawl to the couch, cover up, and turn on your one way ticket to a better day. Nursing a bit of a hangover or nursing the day’s first drink, you flip through the channels looking for something to ensconce you for the next 2 hours. And you find it, Tremors starring Kevin Bacon, Conan the Barbarian starring Governor Swartzenegger. Or on a special Saturday, provided you have the appropriate number of channels, you can happen upon such cinemagic wonders as Krull sort-of starring Ken Marshall, The Beastmaster with Marc Singer, or Remo Williams: the Adventure Begins magically portrayed by Fred Ward.
Whether or not you like these particular on screen gems the premise remains the same. Why watch a movie that you’ve seen several times, and why watch it edited for content, formatted to fit this screen with commercial breaks? Why… Because they are your childhood, because they are your friends, because they are known, safe, comforting, and most importantly, because nothing better is on and doing anything else would require effort.
Yes, I do like Saturday. Movies, video games, sleeping. No matter what life throws at you, it’s nothing that Vision Quest starring Matthew Modine can’t deflect for an hour or two. Now onto my recently watched.

Like any good reviewer I will use a rating system. From 1-8 one being the letter (C) two being (Co) and so on and so forth until seven (Coolest). The eighth is reserved for few movies, but will be refereed to as (100% Awesome).

Example:
“That movie Kurt Russell was in”
Rating: (100% Awesome)

New on DVD.
That one new release that should be in everyone’s collection this week is.

I don’t know what to tell you, I didn’t purchase a new release again this week. I’m terribly disappointed in myself. So my commitment to you is this: Pick a movie, any one movie. I will buy it (if I don’t already have it) watch it, and review it. Whether it be a movie you’re not quite sure you want to rent, a movie you think I’d like, or a movie you think I’d hate. If I don’t already own it, I will. That’s a Remo promise. (limited to the first 5 comments, excludes adult film and the Brothers Grimm, seriously people).

Other must haves.
Movies I have watched or re-watched in the last week and must have in my collection.

The Predator (1987)
Rating: (Cooles) For being well done, for an excellent ensemble, and for most shots fired per actor.

Synopsis. Major Alan “Dutch” Schaeffer, Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator) is the leader of an elite commando (pun intended) unit charged with going behind enemy lines to rescue American civilians from a Central American drug cartel, and some random Russians. What they least expected to find was a 7’2” Alien portrayed by Kevin Peter Hall (Harry and the Hendersons, Big Top Pee-wee), the rest is just awesome.

Comments. The scene when Mac picks up the mini-gun… and of course, “I’m here, I’m here, kill me, I’m here!”

Unbreakable (2000)
Rating: (Coole) For a darn good concept, for bridging the gap between comics and reality. (not that there was one)

Synopsis. Bruce Willis is an “average Joe” who after miraculously surviving a horrific accident begins to realize he is so much more than average. From Director M. Night Shyamalan (The Village, Sixth Sense) Unbreakable comes equipped with intense scenes and surprise plot twists.

Comments. It’s a slow pace, low action, semi-sci-fi drama that’s overall appeal was the artistic way in which it was shot, with multiple angles and long camera takes and dark shadowing, it was just as pleasing to watch visually as it was for the story.

Snatch (2000)
Rating: (Coole) For interesting dialog, and for not getting the bi-noc-cu-lars out in time

Synopsis. Following the path of a rather large diamond, this semi English film is a hell of a lot of fun that includes bare knuckle boxers, gypsies, gangsters, thieves, and oh yeah, dags.

Comments. Not Guy Ritchie’s (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) best work, but fun none the less, and extremely quotable. Best served with friends and beer.

Four Brothers (2005)
Rating: (Cool) for a good cast. Writing, layout and delivery weren’t so good.

Synopsis. Oddly enough this movie is about four rough and tumble brothers who’s adopted mother is murdered gang-land style, causing the estranged brothers to return home to avenge her.

Comments. Well it got a (Cool) which basically means it’s worth a viewing, maybe on a Saturday when you just don’t want to get off the couch. But as far as vengeance movies go, I would have like to see the script and roles more tailored to the actors. And I could have done without the thanksgiving dinner scene.

Avoid at all costs
Many of you have written asking to know what would earn the rating of (Coo) or less. This category is devoted to you.

Batman and Robin (1997)
Rating: (Co) For making me watch it again last night for the sake of being thorough.

Synopsis. Director Joel Schumacher (Falling Down, Tigerland) takes a crap, throws it in the bat suit and tries to pass it off as a Batman movie. There’s something about a guy with a freeze gun who shouldn’t talk, and Bane, quite possibly the greatest evil villain (Batman Knightfall) played by “the” Jeep Swenson (God rest his sole, and may humanity not remember him for his role in Batman and Robin) reduced to a bumbling idiot who spends most of the movie grasping at air while missing a slow moving Clooney and O’Donnell. There’s also a hot lady who wears green clothes and has absolutely nothing of relevance to say.

Comments: Obviously I’m upset, but I did give it a (Co), why? Because this travesty, this coagulated boil of cinematic refuse, this inane attempt to destroy humankinds ability to interpret the graphic novel to live action paved the way for those who would say, “Never!” “we will not let this dynasty fall so easily” The result is Batman Begins, and the hope that Director Christopher Nolan (Memento) will make enough worthy sequels to bury this horrible nightmare forever. You bastards made me Hate Arnold! If only for a moment.

Editors notes.
I do greatly appreciate your comments, corrections and concerns. Having said that

I stand corrected.
Firefly originally aired on the Fox network in 2002, and was picked up in syndication on the Sci-Fi channel, still no word if there will be any new episodes. My fault sorry.

You’re welcome.
If I can help even one person avoid the agony of watching such horrible movies as The Brothers Grimm, well then, I have done my job.

In regards to The Punisher (1989).
Medical science has made tremendous advances in the last two decades, however if they haven’t dropped by now, I think you’re in trouble. Next time you feel like disagreeing with what has been made fact, just hold your breath for eight minutes and go to hell. Communist.