Government Embraces Corporate Underwriting

In his first real act as Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates announced that he will accept corporate underwriting for the military. Sighting the rising cost of the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, on terror and everywhere else there is a grand need for more revenue that might be pumped into the great war machine.

What does this mean to the American country and the American fighting forces? It means now instead of having Easy Company in the 101st Airborne you will have Easy Jet Company, who bring you great discounted flights and will not be undersold by their competitors. Instead of the Green Berets you will now have the Green Giant Frozen Food Fighting Force.

The actual money and size of the logo is still in negotiations though renaming the Army after the Target corporation has been estimated in the billions.

President George W. Bush, when questioned responded to the idea of underwriting by saying “I think Gatesy is doing a heckuva job. It’s good for the American people. The symbology of an American corporate logo on the sleeve of our fine men and women fighting forces not only brings pride to them but a rememberamance of home. It also is good for our generous corporate sponsors who are doing the right thing in supporting our men in women in the armed forces and spreading the good news about their corporation.”

Ben “Tripper” Bailey, the BMC’s pundit in Washington, was quoted as asking “If this corporate re-branding of our troops does bring about the corporate pride that the government is hoping for, where will this end? How long will it be until the power goes to the company’s head and you have a local girl at Quizznos lobbing a grenade at the boy returning suppressing fire from Potbelly’s? I guess if Subway spokesman Jared takes a grenade to the head it would make it worthwhile but think of it. The madness?”

Call concerning wars and corporate sponsoring have not been returned from the oil companys.