Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanza and Happy New Year !!!
Now that I have that out of the way, many have asked where I have been I could lie and tell you some fabricated story or ...... I can tell you the truth which is even more unbelievable .
I have been in New York for the past several weeks doing some serious hanging out with some serious folks who cant let go of the past so coming soon the Balldee Returns the Big Apple Chronicles .
I'm going to unpack .
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Where We've Been
Coitusers!
What better way is there to start off the religious end of the year than to explain the history of religion in 90 seconds…
Since Christmas belongs to the retail world I couldn’t think of a finer way to explain it than from the retail perspective. B has been a frequent critic of this website since she first learned how to read/type/use a computer… here are her erstwhile comments on Christmas.
There is no reason that we shouldn’t be afraid of the world, but there is also no reason that we shouldn’t pause and gasp in her beauty. Ernest Hemmingway said that the world is a fine place and worth fighting for. Perhaps these pictures of her awesome power will make the foolish believe.
When is the right time to tell children that Santa doesn’t exist? On school district takes it upon themselves to dispel the rumors.
It’s difficult to continue to put these websites up because it seems like subjects we already know. In a way, yes, we’re raking the administration over the coals for the sins that have been commited and kicking a horse that is already dead. But a complete wall defense of ineptitude is no reason for us not to continue to criticize. This article is about what has been covered up by this Administration and what continues not to be talked about.
I respect and encourage the other side other side of the story to bring information tohttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif light when it comes to these articles; especially in light of the fact that our President has said that his presidency will not be remembered in this lifetime. I always encourage evidence and testimony that would encourage belief, however I don't want to sit idly by.
These lists always piss me off. Mostly because I’m ego centric enough to believe that I don’t need to be told what beauty is. I have been to four percent of the places on this list but wouldn’t consider any of them the most wonderful places I have seen. All these lists do is seek to inspire a desire for what one doesn’t have and instill either validation in the hearts of ones who have seen them or else advertisement for those that will seek them out.
Space… the final frontier. As a younger human I dreamed of what it would take to rescue me from this rock, now as an adult I find it fascinating what it would actually take to physically remove us from it. While I find it slightly depressing that we need to move towards the private sector in Space Flight I also applaud them for thinking this far outside of the box as well as rewarding them for doing something this interesting.
This is actually Balddee…
What better way is there to start off the religious end of the year than to explain the history of religion in 90 seconds…
Since Christmas belongs to the retail world I couldn’t think of a finer way to explain it than from the retail perspective. B has been a frequent critic of this website since she first learned how to read/type/use a computer… here are her erstwhile comments on Christmas.
There is no reason that we shouldn’t be afraid of the world, but there is also no reason that we shouldn’t pause and gasp in her beauty. Ernest Hemmingway said that the world is a fine place and worth fighting for. Perhaps these pictures of her awesome power will make the foolish believe.
When is the right time to tell children that Santa doesn’t exist? On school district takes it upon themselves to dispel the rumors.
It’s difficult to continue to put these websites up because it seems like subjects we already know. In a way, yes, we’re raking the administration over the coals for the sins that have been commited and kicking a horse that is already dead. But a complete wall defense of ineptitude is no reason for us not to continue to criticize. This article is about what has been covered up by this Administration and what continues not to be talked about.
I respect and encourage the other side other side of the story to bring information tohttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif light when it comes to these articles; especially in light of the fact that our President has said that his presidency will not be remembered in this lifetime. I always encourage evidence and testimony that would encourage belief, however I don't want to sit idly by.
These lists always piss me off. Mostly because I’m ego centric enough to believe that I don’t need to be told what beauty is. I have been to four percent of the places on this list but wouldn’t consider any of them the most wonderful places I have seen. All these lists do is seek to inspire a desire for what one doesn’t have and instill either validation in the hearts of ones who have seen them or else advertisement for those that will seek them out.
Space… the final frontier. As a younger human I dreamed of what it would take to rescue me from this rock, now as an adult I find it fascinating what it would actually take to physically remove us from it. While I find it slightly depressing that we need to move towards the private sector in Space Flight I also applaud them for thinking this far outside of the box as well as rewarding them for doing something this interesting.
This is actually Balddee…
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Thoughts and Considerations... For Christmas
I think a good Christmas present for the world would be for Santa to kill off all of the illusionists and magicians.
Since Santa Claus only works once a year does he collect welfare the rest of the time? If so, should Santa Claus be considered a bum?
Why is it that it is only at this time of year that we all sing for Peace on Earth and goodwill to men?
A good idea for a business would be a shipping company that would sell broken boxes and take the blame for gifts arriving late. This is like the ultimate company for men; we care we just forget… sorta…
It is a little known fact that the Santa’s Reindeers were actually supposed to be horses. However Mr. Ed, representing the Horses Union, sued the Santa Claus Foundation (in SCF v Equine) as the horses believed that they deserved the day off. Horses, to this day, still rue that decision and now consider Mr. Ed a bovine and he has lost all his Horsey privileges’.
I wonder if the little baby Jesus is still pissed for being given a funeral fragrance as one of his first birthday presents.
For every one Rudolph that wasn’t allowed in Reindeer Games there are ten elves not allowed in elven games.
I believe I speak of the world by negotiating with Touchstone Pictures: No more Christmas if they’d be willing to say: No more Santa Clauses.
It’s a little known fact that Johan Santana is actually Santa Claus. Think of it have you ever seen the two of them in the same place?
Brad Radke... you will be missed!
Merry Christmas everybody!
Since Santa Claus only works once a year does he collect welfare the rest of the time? If so, should Santa Claus be considered a bum?
Why is it that it is only at this time of year that we all sing for Peace on Earth and goodwill to men?
A good idea for a business would be a shipping company that would sell broken boxes and take the blame for gifts arriving late. This is like the ultimate company for men; we care we just forget… sorta…
It is a little known fact that the Santa’s Reindeers were actually supposed to be horses. However Mr. Ed, representing the Horses Union, sued the Santa Claus Foundation (in SCF v Equine) as the horses believed that they deserved the day off. Horses, to this day, still rue that decision and now consider Mr. Ed a bovine and he has lost all his Horsey privileges’.
I wonder if the little baby Jesus is still pissed for being given a funeral fragrance as one of his first birthday presents.
For every one Rudolph that wasn’t allowed in Reindeer Games there are ten elves not allowed in elven games.
I believe I speak of the world by negotiating with Touchstone Pictures: No more Christmas if they’d be willing to say: No more Santa Clauses.
It’s a little known fact that Johan Santana is actually Santa Claus. Think of it have you ever seen the two of them in the same place?
Brad Radke... you will be missed!
Merry Christmas everybody!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The Holiday Wrap-Up
Dear Loyal Coitusers,
2006 has been a very interesting year for us down at the BMC Headquarters! Many new experiments were conducted, some articles were written, a few members were kicked off, and a few were hired on. All-in-all, we're no worse for the wear, and ready to sip some good ol egg nog (with rum) and sing with Bing.
Balddee has really come into himself this year. Despite the pressures and anxieties of his newest familial addition, he pursued the truth in all settings: from the blog format, to email questionnaires, to a "mis-hap" with Harmon. Filling us in with sage advice on the ladies and Battlestar Galactica has given him a sense of self - a "nerdarie" if you will - that brings a tear to my eye. It's been so fun watching him excel!
Satchel & Bel are happily mooning about the place, staring longingly into each other's eyes for the root of their souls. It's inspirational and creepy all at once, but the raw-ness of it definitely BMC quality, so we let them stick around (as long as they keep bringing those amazing peanut butter cookies).
A shifting of the home ground rattled up Mule for a bit there, and caused our great disaster of a Team Building week. We have all forgiven him for the "episode" that caused our rift, and we feel that the BMC team has actually learned something from our escapade (aka kidnapping). Mule is finally setting to that grand music blog whose fruition is overripe. So please join me in a round of applause for Mule's brave excursion into the field of musicology! Good luck, you arse!
Ellen is missing again. Please say a special prayer for our littlest member. When last we heard, she was hiking in Oregon, seeking a mountain-top yogi for inspiration and guidance.
And Todd has had a very interesting year. He's been... gratuitouslyhorney inventive in his sexual hopeful escapades endeavors. Currently, he's pursuing the dream of the spiritually enlightened with tantric sexual practices meditation. We all wish him the best of luck for 2007!
Our little Harmy really struggled in 2006. What with the table-top incident, the subsequent firing, re-hire, rift and fall, he's a bit worse for the wear. We've all rallied around our Packer fan and we hope to see some amazing things from the bugger in the New Year. His aspiration is a movie blog, that will co-exist with Mule's music blog (please visit side bar for links). Good luck, Harmon!
And what of dr g? I’ve been enjoying the antics of my teammates from a nice arms length. I sit writing this in my own padded library cubicle, where i can submit articles at my own leisure. I am free to roam the web, and to listen to as much public radio as i can handle. It's a glorious life, people.
And so, dear readers, ends the mighty year of two-thousand and six. We hope that our blog here has inspired you to be the best little coituser you possibly can be! Good luck in '07, folks!
With love and kisses,
All of us at the BMC
2006 has been a very interesting year for us down at the BMC Headquarters! Many new experiments were conducted, some articles were written, a few members were kicked off, and a few were hired on. All-in-all, we're no worse for the wear, and ready to sip some good ol egg nog (with rum) and sing with Bing.
Balddee has really come into himself this year. Despite the pressures and anxieties of his newest familial addition, he pursued the truth in all settings: from the blog format, to email questionnaires, to a "mis-hap" with Harmon. Filling us in with sage advice on the ladies and Battlestar Galactica has given him a sense of self - a "nerdarie" if you will - that brings a tear to my eye. It's been so fun watching him excel!
Satchel & Bel are happily mooning about the place, staring longingly into each other's eyes for the root of their souls. It's inspirational and creepy all at once, but the raw-ness of it definitely BMC quality, so we let them stick around (as long as they keep bringing those amazing peanut butter cookies).
A shifting of the home ground rattled up Mule for a bit there, and caused our great disaster of a Team Building week. We have all forgiven him for the "episode" that caused our rift, and we feel that the BMC team has actually learned something from our escapade (aka kidnapping). Mule is finally setting to that grand music blog whose fruition is overripe. So please join me in a round of applause for Mule's brave excursion into the field of musicology! Good luck, you arse!
Ellen is missing again. Please say a special prayer for our littlest member. When last we heard, she was hiking in Oregon, seeking a mountain-top yogi for inspiration and guidance.
And Todd has had a very interesting year. He's been... gratuitously
Our little Harmy really struggled in 2006. What with the table-top incident, the subsequent firing, re-hire, rift and fall, he's a bit worse for the wear. We've all rallied around our Packer fan and we hope to see some amazing things from the bugger in the New Year. His aspiration is a movie blog, that will co-exist with Mule's music blog (please visit side bar for links). Good luck, Harmon!
And what of dr g? I’ve been enjoying the antics of my teammates from a nice arms length. I sit writing this in my own padded library cubicle, where i can submit articles at my own leisure. I am free to roam the web, and to listen to as much public radio as i can handle. It's a glorious life, people.
And so, dear readers, ends the mighty year of two-thousand and six. We hope that our blog here has inspired you to be the best little coituser you possibly can be! Good luck in '07, folks!
With love and kisses,
All of us at the BMC
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Where We've Been
Coitusers!
Frequent shepherd of the good ship Mother Coitus, 10lees, put up this incredibly informative website that is all about everybody’s ego centric favorite character. For the record I scored 100% on all of them (some of the answers have yet to be found). Correctly scored your answers should tally 7/8 on the science test, 75% of Life Experienced (take that 10lees), Italian and basically 100% General American speaker with large leanings towards the upper Midwest.
I don’t know why I consider Meerkat Manor to be the finest reality television show on TV. But for some reason when animals evolve or at least show personality I find it interesting. I think I need new friends.
This is a grave offense that our administration is forcing upon our country. How, being of sober rationalities, is a you're either with us or against us policy for the worlds most powerful country? In this article Assistant Secretary of State says that the Bush administration will deal with Cuba's Communist government only when it shows a commitment to democracy. The tighter that we grip our hands the more opportunities slip through our hands. Ignoring a problem does not a solution make.
There are few debates more precious to this country than her debates over the merits of superheroes. Finally, the good folks Comicvine have made a database for all of our favourite comic superheroes along with how they statistically match up against the rest of the comic world. Of special interest is their forums page where the world of comics is discussed. Let Nerdome Reign! So say we all.
I don’t know if this demonstrates the grandiose failings of humanity or if there is still good out there. Regardless, Craigslist, you’ve done the world a fine service.
Bad Mother Coitus has long been a friend of Science and now, thanks to Tom Dickson we finally have a scientist that we are capable of understanding. Sure he might be the sixth or seven person sued for stealing Gallagher’s act. Nonetheless we do love destruction.
Ahhh my little Coitusers the definition of Irony.
Frequent shepherd of the good ship Mother Coitus, 10lees, put up this incredibly informative website that is all about everybody’s ego centric favorite character. For the record I scored 100% on all of them (some of the answers have yet to be found). Correctly scored your answers should tally 7/8 on the science test, 75% of Life Experienced (take that 10lees), Italian and basically 100% General American speaker with large leanings towards the upper Midwest.
I don’t know why I consider Meerkat Manor to be the finest reality television show on TV. But for some reason when animals evolve or at least show personality I find it interesting. I think I need new friends.
This is a grave offense that our administration is forcing upon our country. How, being of sober rationalities, is a you're either with us or against us policy for the worlds most powerful country? In this article Assistant Secretary of State says that the Bush administration will deal with Cuba's Communist government only when it shows a commitment to democracy. The tighter that we grip our hands the more opportunities slip through our hands. Ignoring a problem does not a solution make.
There are few debates more precious to this country than her debates over the merits of superheroes. Finally, the good folks Comicvine have made a database for all of our favourite comic superheroes along with how they statistically match up against the rest of the comic world. Of special interest is their forums page where the world of comics is discussed. Let Nerdome Reign! So say we all.
I don’t know if this demonstrates the grandiose failings of humanity or if there is still good out there. Regardless, Craigslist, you’ve done the world a fine service.
Bad Mother Coitus has long been a friend of Science and now, thanks to Tom Dickson we finally have a scientist that we are capable of understanding. Sure he might be the sixth or seven person sued for stealing Gallagher’s act. Nonetheless we do love destruction.
Ahhh my little Coitusers the definition of Irony.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Government Embraces Corporate Underwriting
In his first real act as Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates announced that he will accept corporate underwriting for the military. Sighting the rising cost of the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, on terror and everywhere else there is a grand need for more revenue that might be pumped into the great war machine. 
What does this mean to the American country and the American fighting forces? It means now instead of having Easy Company in the 101st Airborne you will have Easy Jet Company, who bring you great discounted flights and will not be undersold by their competitors. Instead of the Green Berets you will now have the Green Giant Frozen Food Fighting Force.
The actual money and size of the logo is still in negotiations though renaming the Army after the Target corporation has been estimated in the billions.
President George W. Bush, when questioned responded to the idea of underwriting by saying “I think Gatesy is doing a heckuva job. It’s good for the American people. The symbology of an American corporate logo on the sleeve of our fine men and women fighting forces not only brings pride to them but a rememberamance of home. It also is good for our generous corporate sponsors who are doing the right thing in supporting our men in women in the armed forces and spreading the good news about their corporation.”
Ben “Tripper” Bailey, the BMC’s pundit in Washington, was quoted as asking “If this corporate re-branding of our troops does bring about the corporate pride that the government is hoping for, where will this end? How long will it be until the power goes to the company’s head and you have a local girl at Quizznos lobbing a grenade at the boy returning suppressing fire from Potbelly’s? I guess if Subway spokesman Jared takes a grenade to the head it would make it worthwhile but think of it. The madness?”
Call concerning wars and corporate sponsoring have not been returned from the oil companys.
What does this mean to the American country and the American fighting forces? It means now instead of having Easy Company in the 101st Airborne you will have Easy Jet Company, who bring you great discounted flights and will not be undersold by their competitors. Instead of the Green Berets you will now have the Green Giant Frozen Food Fighting Force.
The actual money and size of the logo is still in negotiations though renaming the Army after the Target corporation has been estimated in the billions.
President George W. Bush, when questioned responded to the idea of underwriting by saying “I think Gatesy is doing a heckuva job. It’s good for the American people. The symbology of an American corporate logo on the sleeve of our fine men and women fighting forces not only brings pride to them but a rememberamance of home. It also is good for our generous corporate sponsors who are doing the right thing in supporting our men in women in the armed forces and spreading the good news about their corporation.”
Ben “Tripper” Bailey, the BMC’s pundit in Washington, was quoted as asking “If this corporate re-branding of our troops does bring about the corporate pride that the government is hoping for, where will this end? How long will it be until the power goes to the company’s head and you have a local girl at Quizznos lobbing a grenade at the boy returning suppressing fire from Potbelly’s? I guess if Subway spokesman Jared takes a grenade to the head it would make it worthwhile but think of it. The madness?”
Call concerning wars and corporate sponsoring have not been returned from the oil companys.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
call me cheap
but when i see free food, no matter how stuffed i am, i will force it down. perhaps it was all those suppertime parental lectures about not leaving broccoli on my plate, but when it comes to leftovers, treats and the good ol' continental breakfast, i must eat as much as possible.
this morning i walked into our office and they had a beautiful continental breakfast laid out for all building residents. silver carafes of REAL coffee, danishes galore, and hell, even strawberry cream cheese. i had already enjoyed a hearty breakfast of peanut butter on pancakes and a large cup of joe around 8am. but the full tummy did not stop me from rushing the bagel tray and bumping elbows with the media tech department at the coffee table.
so here i sit, with uneaten plate of food at my desk. the coffee really is fabulous. side note: i struggle with craptastic coffee. i refuse to drink that pre-packaged, 8 O'Clock brand brewed at 7am by sylvia the taste-bud-less exec admin. when i get in at 9:30, that coffee is as skunky as if pepe le pew coaxed the machine himself. anyway, i digress...
call me cheap, but the free food is what i live for. i have gotten a few raised eyebrows in my life. some directed at my frugalness, some at my choice to reverse commute to work. but i think, if you put two and two together, you get to work at a company that cares enough about it's employees to provide the occasional festive free meal.
a token of our esteem for you! eat, santa... eat!!!
this morning i walked into our office and they had a beautiful continental breakfast laid out for all building residents. silver carafes of REAL coffee, danishes galore, and hell, even strawberry cream cheese. i had already enjoyed a hearty breakfast of peanut butter on pancakes and a large cup of joe around 8am. but the full tummy did not stop me from rushing the bagel tray and bumping elbows with the media tech department at the coffee table.
so here i sit, with uneaten plate of food at my desk. the coffee really is fabulous. side note: i struggle with craptastic coffee. i refuse to drink that pre-packaged, 8 O'Clock brand brewed at 7am by sylvia the taste-bud-less exec admin. when i get in at 9:30, that coffee is as skunky as if pepe le pew coaxed the machine himself. anyway, i digress...
call me cheap, but the free food is what i live for. i have gotten a few raised eyebrows in my life. some directed at my frugalness, some at my choice to reverse commute to work. but i think, if you put two and two together, you get to work at a company that cares enough about it's employees to provide the occasional festive free meal.
a token of our esteem for you! eat, santa... eat!!!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Where We've Been
Coitusers!
Earlier this week The Baker Report recommended peace keeping forces be removed from Iraq. Meanwhile speculation reigned that President Bush would wait to make a definitive time table not only to try to show his confidence in the new formed Iraqi government but also to shift blame from himself and his administration should things go wrong. The UK based Telegraph has this interesting article depicting the two sides in the region, the Sunni-Muslims and the Shia. Making this worse is this chilling quote from Mohsen Rezai, the secretary general of Iranian Expediency Council.
But who are we to listen to the actual people that are about to fight over Iraq when we have Bill O’Reilly who knows for a fact that, "[T]he American media is not helping anyone by oversimplifying the situation and rooting for the USA to lose in Iraq."
But Bill O'Reilly isn't the world's only xenophobe. Regardless, here is an excellent website depicting actual English translations that made it into Hong Kong movies. I think I like number 21 the most but number 11 is tempting.
Ah, it is Christmas time. A time to spend time with loved ones; a time to burn through savings accounts like money is of no consequence. But relax, dear reader, it doesn’t make a difference anyhow when two percent of the population has half of the worlds wealth and
“net assets [that’s not savings dear readers] of $2,200 per adult would put a household in the top half of the world wealth distribution.”
Furthering the Christmas spirit an area boy in South Carolina is arrested for opening up his Christmas present early. According to local sources this “Way ups parents street cred across the nation.”
But if you work for Wal-Mart doesn’t Christmas come all year round? After Wal-Mart passed new regulations where it largely cut down it’s full time work force to part time and working for lower wages they pass this morale booster! I honestly wonder what the t-shirt looks like for working there for 20 years.
Last and certainly not least… the trailer for Who Killed the Electric Car…
Earlier this week The Baker Report recommended peace keeping forces be removed from Iraq. Meanwhile speculation reigned that President Bush would wait to make a definitive time table not only to try to show his confidence in the new formed Iraqi government but also to shift blame from himself and his administration should things go wrong. The UK based Telegraph has this interesting article depicting the two sides in the region, the Sunni-Muslims and the Shia. Making this worse is this chilling quote from Mohsen Rezai, the secretary general of Iranian Expediency Council.
"America destroyed all our enemies in the region. It destroyed the Taliban. It destroyed Saddam Hussein… The Americans got so stuck in the soil of Iraq and Afghanistan that if they manage to drag themselves back to Washington in one piece, they should thank God. America presents us with an opportunity rather than a threat — not because it intended to, but because it miscalculated. They made many mistakes".
But who are we to listen to the actual people that are about to fight over Iraq when we have Bill O’Reilly who knows for a fact that, "[T]he American media is not helping anyone by oversimplifying the situation and rooting for the USA to lose in Iraq."
But Bill O'Reilly isn't the world's only xenophobe. Regardless, here is an excellent website depicting actual English translations that made it into Hong Kong movies. I think I like number 21 the most but number 11 is tempting.
Ah, it is Christmas time. A time to spend time with loved ones; a time to burn through savings accounts like money is of no consequence. But relax, dear reader, it doesn’t make a difference anyhow when two percent of the population has half of the worlds wealth and
“net assets [that’s not savings dear readers] of $2,200 per adult would put a household in the top half of the world wealth distribution.”
Furthering the Christmas spirit an area boy in South Carolina is arrested for opening up his Christmas present early. According to local sources this “Way ups parents street cred across the nation.”
But if you work for Wal-Mart doesn’t Christmas come all year round? After Wal-Mart passed new regulations where it largely cut down it’s full time work force to part time and working for lower wages they pass this morale booster! I honestly wonder what the t-shirt looks like for working there for 20 years.
Last and certainly not least… the trailer for Who Killed the Electric Car…
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Diary From the Edge of the Bar… Or For Craig Finn
Smoke peels off the bar in thick strips of conversation. The enamel of thought is left bare in an empty glass of whisky the guy in a studded leather jacket left; he’s the one who should've been the most intelligent one in class but who drops a quarter towards the motion of some local teeny pop band.
Sitting in the Clash there is little left to absorb on a Tuesday night, but there is everything to be had, everything to be gained. The soft wager of another night of an enlarged liver and a child drawing in black against a picture of your lungs are gambled against sit-coms and a micro beers enjoyed in moderation. If there is a Costello’s than this is the only bar that really matters.
The best conversations in the world roll off the tongue in nicotine kisses. An idea, thought by many as rotund, is offered up as the word of God to believers. Questions with no dignity are drawn, quartered and marked, considered and answered in the premium that only a Grain Belt can answer. Hamms steps in as Mother Mary.
Will, you bastard, you always promised me that this stupid world was a stage but what more hope could there be than this thrust theater that’s been thrown at me? What more need be than these belly’s that thrown their silver at a horseshoe bar on the Northside? What more redemption is owed to those blessed with the gift of thought than the therapy administered by the simple servings of a degenerate armed with a public radio degree and a means of a mind cooling liquid?
Yes, mirror… this is me. I am looking at us now. I know who you are. I am the one that does this to us.
Yes, this is it. Fuck… this is it…
Sitting in the Clash there is little left to absorb on a Tuesday night, but there is everything to be had, everything to be gained. The soft wager of another night of an enlarged liver and a child drawing in black against a picture of your lungs are gambled against sit-coms and a micro beers enjoyed in moderation. If there is a Costello’s than this is the only bar that really matters.
The best conversations in the world roll off the tongue in nicotine kisses. An idea, thought by many as rotund, is offered up as the word of God to believers. Questions with no dignity are drawn, quartered and marked, considered and answered in the premium that only a Grain Belt can answer. Hamms steps in as Mother Mary.
Will, you bastard, you always promised me that this stupid world was a stage but what more hope could there be than this thrust theater that’s been thrown at me? What more need be than these belly’s that thrown their silver at a horseshoe bar on the Northside? What more redemption is owed to those blessed with the gift of thought than the therapy administered by the simple servings of a degenerate armed with a public radio degree and a means of a mind cooling liquid?
Yes, mirror… this is me. I am looking at us now. I know who you are. I am the one that does this to us.
Yes, this is it. Fuck… this is it…
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Holiday 2006: Back to the Basics!
remember the good days, back when you owned red footie pj's and bounced out of bed at 5am to see what santa left you under the tree? remember shaking each package, and counting the number of presents you got vs. the number your siblings got? it was pure joy, folks. innocent, child-like joy.
where did that joy go? ... i ask myself as i peruse the 8th tshirt website. i used to love the holiday season. i thrived on the advent calendars (bonus if they had little boxes w/ chocolates in them), the garland, tree shopping, light untangling (little fingers are perfect for it, if you dont care about minor shocks along the way, which only builds character, as my dad told me) and anticipation of christmas morning.
for gifts, back in the day, all you had to do was attend your school class' holiday craft day and squish your fingers into clay for a pinch pot, or squish your hands and feet into non-toxic paint and make prints that would, in turn, get framed with popsicle sticks. mom and dad could not have been happier or more surprised!! all that oo-ing and ah-ing... oh the joy!
i ponder exactly this crafty innocence while searching through the 100 entries for "kitchen-aid, anything" at Kohls.com. maybe this year i should avoid the headache of hours wasted in front of screen. maybe this year i can save my aching back the marathon mall walks. maybe this year, i will make hand prints on newsprint, frame them in glittery popsicle sticks and proudly beam as my friends and familly open the package.
oh, what glorious joy will fill us all! now, what would i need.... recycled newsprint paper, popsicle sticks (that means i should go buy popsicles), glitter glue, regular glue, non-toxic paint in festive colors, a plastic bin and my favorite: a smock. i can feel it already!!! the joy is happening! its almost here!
where did that joy go? ... i ask myself as i peruse the 8th tshirt website. i used to love the holiday season. i thrived on the advent calendars (bonus if they had little boxes w/ chocolates in them), the garland, tree shopping, light untangling (little fingers are perfect for it, if you dont care about minor shocks along the way, which only builds character, as my dad told me) and anticipation of christmas morning.
for gifts, back in the day, all you had to do was attend your school class' holiday craft day and squish your fingers into clay for a pinch pot, or squish your hands and feet into non-toxic paint and make prints that would, in turn, get framed with popsicle sticks. mom and dad could not have been happier or more surprised!! all that oo-ing and ah-ing... oh the joy!
i ponder exactly this crafty innocence while searching through the 100 entries for "kitchen-aid, anything" at Kohls.com. maybe this year i should avoid the headache of hours wasted in front of screen. maybe this year i can save my aching back the marathon mall walks. maybe this year, i will make hand prints on newsprint, frame them in glittery popsicle sticks and proudly beam as my friends and familly open the package.
oh, what glorious joy will fill us all! now, what would i need.... recycled newsprint paper, popsicle sticks (that means i should go buy popsicles), glitter glue, regular glue, non-toxic paint in festive colors, a plastic bin and my favorite: a smock. i can feel it already!!! the joy is happening! its almost here!
Friday, December 01, 2006
Where We've Been
Coitusers!
The new music website from Bad Mother Coitus is now available for viewing pleasure. In a way it turned into my Chinese Democracy and in a way it still isn’t completely done. If you are unfortunate enough to be operating on either Explorer or Safari you’re not going to see the entire website but… well hopefully it still delivers something.
Further proof that our schools are not in a happy place. It appalls me that our government continues to cut taxes so that we need corporate spending to make up for the losses. The further fact that these special interest groups our able to then influence what and the method that our children learn is despicable.
It’s Chris Matthews so it does take a little to get into it, but it is also an interesting thought. In this piece they make the argument that the next individual to leave Bush's political ensamble will be vice President Dick Cheney. I do believe, and now can’t find any proof to back it up, that the Vice President of a two term President has always run for the office of Presidency in the next election. Cheney probably has limited interest or little support in winning the Presidency but it could be interesting to see whom Bush would replace Cheney with. It would be interesting to see if he tries to save his legacy by appointing the first woman to that office and that woman is Condoleeza Rice.
How do we make ourselves feel better about our government? By drafting our own Fantasy Congress, of course. Frequent reader and pundit of Bad Mother Coitus, Jebus Gurl was kind enough to pass this little peice of awesomness along to me. In your new Fantasy Congress league you draft congress people and then score points with their winning. Seriously, if there is enough interest in this I will draw up a Bad Mother Coitus league.
I don’t know if this is proof that we should have faith in the world and that there is still good out there or if humanity finally has too much time on their hands. A good buddy of mine and I actually shared this dream but instead of capitols we wanted to do it with pizza places. We began that dream on and around the Cathedral Hill and Grand Ave area’s of St. Paul and that is also where the dream ended in sickness. Of course this is also the same individual that is competing with me for who will die of a heart attack first...
Because if that isn’t proof that humanity has too much time on their hands this certainly will.
The proof, dear readers, is in the pudding that the end of the world is upon us. In a small town in Colorado a home owners association and a resident of the sub-division spar over the appropriateness of a Peace sign that has been hung up. A sign that the evil doers are winning or maybe the world is coming to an end.
And finally Coitusers we have Miss Patti Labelle. I really don’t know what disgusts me the most about this: the fact that she is touring mega-churches, the fact that she is touring mega churches and being sponsored by Chrysler or the fact that Patti Labelle is touring mega churches sponsored by Chrysler and all parishioners will be given the opportunity to purchase a Chrysler at the ending of the service in the church’s parking lot. Seriously, Jesus where are you and where is your bullwhip?
The new music website from Bad Mother Coitus is now available for viewing pleasure. In a way it turned into my Chinese Democracy and in a way it still isn’t completely done. If you are unfortunate enough to be operating on either Explorer or Safari you’re not going to see the entire website but… well hopefully it still delivers something.
Further proof that our schools are not in a happy place. It appalls me that our government continues to cut taxes so that we need corporate spending to make up for the losses. The further fact that these special interest groups our able to then influence what and the method that our children learn is despicable.
It’s Chris Matthews so it does take a little to get into it, but it is also an interesting thought. In this piece they make the argument that the next individual to leave Bush's political ensamble will be vice President Dick Cheney. I do believe, and now can’t find any proof to back it up, that the Vice President of a two term President has always run for the office of Presidency in the next election. Cheney probably has limited interest or little support in winning the Presidency but it could be interesting to see whom Bush would replace Cheney with. It would be interesting to see if he tries to save his legacy by appointing the first woman to that office and that woman is Condoleeza Rice.
How do we make ourselves feel better about our government? By drafting our own Fantasy Congress, of course. Frequent reader and pundit of Bad Mother Coitus, Jebus Gurl was kind enough to pass this little peice of awesomness along to me. In your new Fantasy Congress league you draft congress people and then score points with their winning. Seriously, if there is enough interest in this I will draw up a Bad Mother Coitus league.
I don’t know if this is proof that we should have faith in the world and that there is still good out there or if humanity finally has too much time on their hands. A good buddy of mine and I actually shared this dream but instead of capitols we wanted to do it with pizza places. We began that dream on and around the Cathedral Hill and Grand Ave area’s of St. Paul and that is also where the dream ended in sickness. Of course this is also the same individual that is competing with me for who will die of a heart attack first...
Because if that isn’t proof that humanity has too much time on their hands this certainly will.
The proof, dear readers, is in the pudding that the end of the world is upon us. In a small town in Colorado a home owners association and a resident of the sub-division spar over the appropriateness of a Peace sign that has been hung up. A sign that the evil doers are winning or maybe the world is coming to an end.
And finally Coitusers we have Miss Patti Labelle. I really don’t know what disgusts me the most about this: the fact that she is touring mega-churches, the fact that she is touring mega churches and being sponsored by Chrysler or the fact that Patti Labelle is touring mega churches sponsored by Chrysler and all parishioners will be given the opportunity to purchase a Chrysler at the ending of the service in the church’s parking lot. Seriously, Jesus where are you and where is your bullwhip?
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