opened up the ol' star and tribune this weekend. i like reading about stuff. i pulled off one of the annoying ads and, before tossing it to the coffee table with the other refuse, i happened to take a look at the ad. it was, in a word, retarded. so retarded that it stopped me cold in it's blatant retardism. i'm not one to look at ads that aren't for women's lingerie or plasma tv's but this one caught my eye.
the ad featured the retard from american idol, taylor hicks. it also featured a ford car. the images were split and covered the entire above the fold part of the page. the bottom half had the standard boilerplate for car sales ads. that's it. i think there may have been a small blurb about "being bold". that's it.
so we have a photo of some douche from american idol that clearly has nothing to do with the car ad. it's obviously just a stock photo of the guy seeming happy. and by "happy" i mean it seems like he has a gigantic black Rambone TM brand dildo shoved up his butt and he enjoys said feeling immensely. then we have the picture of the car (to it's credit it doesn't seem particularly concerned with taylor hicks ample trunk space).
so what the hell is this ad? are they telling me that taylor hicks likes ford so i should too? are they telling me that taylor hicks kinda likes fords but not enough to do a real ad where he's actually in the same fucking frame as the car he's trying to get me to buy? do the ad execs think just by throwing two things on the same page i'll assume they're big fans of one another? what the hell is this stuff? and frankly, how can i get a job doing it because i know these jackasses make some coin.
marketing is a weird thing. i'm not a fan of course. i bought a tivo just to save myself from these idiots and voila, now i can actually watch tv again without wanting to hurt someone while simultaneously buying a sweet new lawnmower at Home Depot (no interest til '07 on any purchase over $299? sign me up!). i'm about as militant as someone can be for someone sitting on the couch with some salsa and chips. i hate ads. hate 'em. i think they're kinda demeaning and lowest common denominator stuff when it boils down to it. and i don't like feeling manipulated. so i buy tivo to avoid tv commercials and listen to public radio pledge drives to avoid listening to crap on the radio. i'm the jackass who won't buy a shirt with a label on it. if i could somehow where blinders to avoid billboards i'd do that too but that just seems like overreaction.
i'm relatively comfortable knowing that somewhere, possibly in Ohio, someone is working to get me to buy more Ding Dongs this year. i'm okay with that i think. it's just the execution that irritates me.
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4 comments:
Is that a real brand of dildo? And if so...why do you know that?
Man, you need some serious therapy -- you're a very angry man...Taylor Hicks exudes BOLDNESS...and isn't that the campaign ad? guess you're not a marketing genius...or even a genius for that matter.
i'm no rocket scientician but i think if ol taylor was so dang bold maybe he would have gone out and earned a record deal without going on a tv show. it's not really bold if no one's afraid to do it. and if you had seen the ad you'd notice that the slogan is really just one little phrase in 10 pt font in a corner. again, not so bold.
and yeah the Rambone exists. i used to deliver pizzas to some interesting places.
Yeah...sure...blame it on the pizza delivery job.
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