They

The blinds closed and I want to sleep. They’re talking. They keep talking. Talking. Talking. Talking. I don’t care.

They have put images up around the office. Feel good comic strips that show me why I should care. The feel good people in the images say that this is something that I should want. That I should want this in order to better me: better me in the company, better my career or better my life.

They feed us into a hall like cattle. The high point is a day away from my computer, away from my thinking about my job; I don’t need to think about my job. They put fun things on the table. They want us to play with these things, to be creative with them but ultimately realize we are not supposed to pay attention to.

We put things up on the wall. They ask us to write what we think about the company. So we write. They gently correct us, No not what you think about the company what you think the company should think about you. We scratch over and draw again. They shake their heads again a slight smile breaking through, No, not that… there should be more positive comments, maybe a nice comment about your bosses…

They fire the girl next to me who stood up and said that all of this is bullshit. She put it a lot more eloquently than that. They fired her a lot more eloquently than what we heard.

They reiterate to us that this is important. They tell us that this is good for everybody and that the most important person is us. They ask us what message we received from our training. They challenge us to retain the lingo and the diversity of the message. Another guy is fired because he doesn’t know what was said in the message. Another nameless temp is hired to replace him at half the price.

And in my head I tick off the dollars of this customer service project. Because I am not really We or They or even Them I know the costs. I know what we spent on this and what could’ve been reinvested in the company towards their employees. In my head I question what was gained by being away from work for the entire day, by us abandoning our customers versus… this…

They draw a line on a board. This line begins at a low part and squiggles in dramatic ups and downs before resting on the up and up. They give me two post it notes and ask me to put them on the board. One post it note is to indicate where I felt I was before the Customer Service Training, the other to indicate after. The journey of my contemporaries already dot the board.

I’m tired. So tired. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t know what I don’t want to wake up from. I hold two post it notes. Neither of them matter to me. They care. I know what I should do. But why?