Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back. Apologies as always to everybody concerned for the delay in the daily articles. We are, of course, embarrassed by all of the happenings, though we do feel much better since the completion of our Customer Service week. The only person that was really hampered by it was Harmon, poor bastard.
One of the speakers, in an attempt to show us what unity is or was or whatever I wasn’t really paying attention, had us doing this thing called a “Trust Fall”. Now in this “Trust Fall” people are supposed to stand in a semi-circle and an individual (Harmon) stands on top of a desk, or elevated level surface, and then the dumbass (Harmon) is supposed to fall backwards and apparently we are all supposed to catch him.
So Harmon fell and there wasn’t any padding or anything so… yes, I’m sure it probably hurt. The art chic concrete floor that we have here at the BMC is not all that forgiving, but Harmon is in a good place now.
No, sorry, not dead. Not yet at least.
He should be coming out of this coma any day now. The only difficult piece is that he only has our corporate health care plan with the savings account thingy that nobody can really understand. So we had to put him in more of a morally ambiguous hospital that may or may not be the basement of the local Day’s Inn. Not that he probably really needs a hospital. I mean for heaven’s sakes he’s just sleeping. I’ve had plenty of hangovers that are far worse than what he is going through.
So the BMC staff was ready to have a little bit of time away from one another and what’s the best way to do this when you work for the cat dropping salary that we are paid? Why you create a Second Life avatar of course (in hind sight, yes we should've joined World of Warcraft).
The process of creating a character then refining the character and then acclimating yourself to the world is quite time consuming. Furthermore is the damning evidence that once you’re in the world of Second Life you need to talk to people, which is the entire reason that I created myself to avoid.
There is, unfortunately, no smiting button within the game. In fact it all works in a queer science fiction like realty where there is no pollution and everybody lives harmoniously. Baldee was the first casualty though he has not been aware of the fact that you could not kill yourself. Gonzo tried to cruise for guys but then realized that you had to spend real money in order to buy them the virtual things they want in the game. Me, I got kicked out. Apparently the makers of the game tend to frown upon those of us who have a language repertoire that involves “shit” or “cum dumpster”.
Seriously, why can't I be the one in the coma?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Buy Now!!!!
The human race has been blessed by Brahmagupta who gave us zero and the negative numbers, Thoth who gave us the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics, and the Easter Elchies House who continue to give us Macallan whisky… the only whisky that really matters. And now… the next in this Pantheon…
Yes my dear friends how often do you find yourself wondering if you should eat that last piece of pie, wagering that if you worked out later perhaps you could have it? How often do you come home from work and feel tired, realizing that you have put eight hours of your life and soul into your place of employment that you hate and depressed by the fact that tomorrow only brings another day of it? How often are you tired when you come home from work and don't feel like you want to work out?
But what if there was more to life than just that? What if one part of your life could be accounted for by knowing that… it didn’t need to be accounted for?
Yes friends I speak of the mystery and glory that is… the un-opened gym. For the low fee of just $25 dollars a month you have the opportunity to become part of the newest rara avis that is sweeping our fair country. The Holiday's are right around the corner and you know what that means... MORE FOOD! What could be easier than having a little turkey or extra pumpkin pie with whipping cream when you could promise yourself that you would work out… if you could?
Our promise to you is advertisements all over town, to erect buildings that stand with the promise of occupation by large, complicated machinery designed to do something more complicated than the human would ever be capable of comprehending or performing. To give you the freedom of telling your friends, your loved ones, yourself that you will be going to the gym just as soon as humanly possible. As soon as that bloody, sod of a gym opens.
It is the beginning of a new year and resolutions must be made… why not find one for yourself that is keepable?
Yes my dear friends how often do you find yourself wondering if you should eat that last piece of pie, wagering that if you worked out later perhaps you could have it? How often do you come home from work and feel tired, realizing that you have put eight hours of your life and soul into your place of employment that you hate and depressed by the fact that tomorrow only brings another day of it? How often are you tired when you come home from work and don't feel like you want to work out?
But what if there was more to life than just that? What if one part of your life could be accounted for by knowing that… it didn’t need to be accounted for?
Yes friends I speak of the mystery and glory that is… the un-opened gym. For the low fee of just $25 dollars a month you have the opportunity to become part of the newest rara avis that is sweeping our fair country. The Holiday's are right around the corner and you know what that means... MORE FOOD! What could be easier than having a little turkey or extra pumpkin pie with whipping cream when you could promise yourself that you would work out… if you could?
Our promise to you is advertisements all over town, to erect buildings that stand with the promise of occupation by large, complicated machinery designed to do something more complicated than the human would ever be capable of comprehending or performing. To give you the freedom of telling your friends, your loved ones, yourself that you will be going to the gym just as soon as humanly possible. As soon as that bloody, sod of a gym opens.
It is the beginning of a new year and resolutions must be made… why not find one for yourself that is keepable?
martha? is that you?
so i'm obsessed with tupperware. its everywhere. in my cube at work, in my drawers at home, on the floor of my car, even in my purse. little square containers that hold graham crackers. big round containers for soup. sandwich holders, m&m boxes, you name it!
i find it soothing to plop leftover stuffing into the appropriate sized container and snap on the lid. i realize this is a tad OCD, but when i dont have the right size at hand, i will wash a dirty, more apt storage device, even if it is crusted over. how joyful i become when i look into my fridge and see the shining rows of food - glowing away in their dull milky facades.
of course, i always store the biggest ones on the bottom. whether it's clean containers being put away in the cupboard or fresh and full containers placed in the fridge, bulky goes on the bottom! it's a mantra of sorts. a calculated methodology, if you will.
for that reason, thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! so many beautiful leftovers to box up and send off with people in nice, even layers. so many ways to use my brand new seasonal tupperware (bought on special at the container store in hues of red and green). i expect this year will be the topper of my tupperware tittering. they say alliteration is gratuitous, but they also say tupperware is gratuitous, and how i disagree!
this year, grandma bought the normal sized turkey, prepared the normal amount of stuffing and cranberry sauce and pirogies... and this year, almost everyone canceled. and so the 30 lb bird will be cut up into equal parts and distributed to the remaining family members for home consumption. a great task for any human! but i welcome this challenge! yes, i shall stuff my face along with everyone else. yes, i shall watch football and rub my belly. and yes, i shall help divvy up all thanksgiving accoutrements accordingly.
and when it's time to bid farewell, i shall ask, would you like red or green?! happy holiday!
i find it soothing to plop leftover stuffing into the appropriate sized container and snap on the lid. i realize this is a tad OCD, but when i dont have the right size at hand, i will wash a dirty, more apt storage device, even if it is crusted over. how joyful i become when i look into my fridge and see the shining rows of food - glowing away in their dull milky facades.
of course, i always store the biggest ones on the bottom. whether it's clean containers being put away in the cupboard or fresh and full containers placed in the fridge, bulky goes on the bottom! it's a mantra of sorts. a calculated methodology, if you will.
for that reason, thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! so many beautiful leftovers to box up and send off with people in nice, even layers. so many ways to use my brand new seasonal tupperware (bought on special at the container store in hues of red and green). i expect this year will be the topper of my tupperware tittering. they say alliteration is gratuitous, but they also say tupperware is gratuitous, and how i disagree!
this year, grandma bought the normal sized turkey, prepared the normal amount of stuffing and cranberry sauce and pirogies... and this year, almost everyone canceled. and so the 30 lb bird will be cut up into equal parts and distributed to the remaining family members for home consumption. a great task for any human! but i welcome this challenge! yes, i shall stuff my face along with everyone else. yes, i shall watch football and rub my belly. and yes, i shall help divvy up all thanksgiving accoutrements accordingly.
and when it's time to bid farewell, i shall ask, would you like red or green?! happy holiday!
Monday, November 20, 2006
The Schedule
Acquire foods for Thanksgiving dinner.
Try to talk wife out of buying "chargers" for the dinner plates. Do this because until recently did not know what a "charager" was and now that I know I do not want to spend $75 on them.
Help wife set out the china so she can plan how Thanksgiving will go over at the Harmon Household.
Much consternation over the lack of a gravy boat. Must find new and creative way to store gravy in an attractive manner.
Acquire silver polish. Do think of the work created by having tarnished silver and silver polish in the same place at the same time.
Re-stock liquor cabinet with good rum (Flor de Cana) and better scotch (Glenmorangie 12 year). Buy some egg nog just so I have an excuse to try the rum.
Laugh vigorously every time I ask the wife for a little Nog.
Do impression of a Chuck E. Cheese bandmember so that the wife can laugh. Strongly consider which song will be the best if forced, in a drunken state, to do the Chuck E. Cheese bandmember impression in front of people other than my wife.
Burn some cd's for my wife, my co-workers and myself so that I don't have to listen to these people say they're bored with music.
Listen to "boys and girls in america" by the Hold Steady again. Man it's fucking good. Listen to "separation sunday" by the Hold Steady because, much like watching Batman Begins and wanting to know how such a force could be created, I have to look back at their previous albums to see them discover their powers.
Make sure the house is spotless so that when I spend way too much time at a friend's house playing video games the wife will not have to be sitting at home alone AND cleaning up after Harmy. Which leads to phone calls and much disruption.
Must purchase some bad port wine and drink it with my father on Thanksgiving, because that's what life's about.
Try to talk wife out of buying "chargers" for the dinner plates. Do this because until recently did not know what a "charager" was and now that I know I do not want to spend $75 on them.
Help wife set out the china so she can plan how Thanksgiving will go over at the Harmon Household.
Much consternation over the lack of a gravy boat. Must find new and creative way to store gravy in an attractive manner.
Acquire silver polish. Do think of the work created by having tarnished silver and silver polish in the same place at the same time.
Re-stock liquor cabinet with good rum (Flor de Cana) and better scotch (Glenmorangie 12 year). Buy some egg nog just so I have an excuse to try the rum.
Laugh vigorously every time I ask the wife for a little Nog.
Do impression of a Chuck E. Cheese bandmember so that the wife can laugh. Strongly consider which song will be the best if forced, in a drunken state, to do the Chuck E. Cheese bandmember impression in front of people other than my wife.
Burn some cd's for my wife, my co-workers and myself so that I don't have to listen to these people say they're bored with music.
Listen to "boys and girls in america" by the Hold Steady again. Man it's fucking good. Listen to "separation sunday" by the Hold Steady because, much like watching Batman Begins and wanting to know how such a force could be created, I have to look back at their previous albums to see them discover their powers.
Make sure the house is spotless so that when I spend way too much time at a friend's house playing video games the wife will not have to be sitting at home alone AND cleaning up after Harmy. Which leads to phone calls and much disruption.
Must purchase some bad port wine and drink it with my father on Thanksgiving, because that's what life's about.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Response :to How to please My Lady
Survey says: Give her Your Credit Card!!!
This is a serious topic near and dear to my heart, Balddee loves to hear the lamentations of the women but I digress at first I wanted to just put a lot of points like #1 tickle her ass with a feather ect, but as with anything training yourself is the first step, my first question to you is "Are you sure your not pleasing her”?
Have you talked to her about what gets her off the problem with us (Men) is that we are trained to think that as long as your thrusting her insides out, your doing the job and sadly that isn't the case it's not even part of the solution.
Whaaatt t dats crazy talk.
Well lets say your above average in size you may be hurting her and not pleasing her, talking to her about what she likes helps and also gives you an idea of what you can do to help the situation plus what pleases you, are you some over achiever?
Are you so into the Porn orgasm that you’re not in tune to what is going on in your own bedroom?
There are certain things you can do, I am a firm believer in conditioning oneself into a fighter in this case you want to be a sexual one can you dance?
I ask this because knowing how to move your body especially your hips helps a lot especially if your small and there's no shame in it, just don't say stupid things like "Who's your daddy “ or Am I wrecking you Honey am I wrecking you " saying those things when you are small or if you just are a lame missionary man is pathetic so forget the porn style ramming and think selfless lover instead.
There's the old know your prey mentality if you don't know where the special parts are maybe it's time to slow down and first read a book especially one with pictures so you have an understanding of where the target is and I don't mean the vagina you cant be a big game hunter if you don't understand what your hunting.
The clit needs to be your friend Master the Clit you Master the Universe.
That is the key to victory and yes I said victory slow down your approach and work on the Foreplay yeah it's redundant, you’ve heard it a millions times but really it's the best way to provide her with the best overall experience. Imagine if you get her going and more importantly get her off several times before you even begin to think about penetration then you my friend have arrived, there is nothing better then seeing a women orgasm, to feel her body tighten and shake, to hear her breathing change as it gets faster and deeper and yes even deeper to see her taunt breast tremble ever so tenderly, to kiss her lips as they get cold from the wetness of her saliva, reel in the joy, as she looses herself to the sensation, to feel her soft yet firm thighs relax and release on your shoulders sorry ..
You will notice I didn't ask if you shot the sheriffs to soon or if your Pipe isn’t up to code those are situations that are difficult to solve well at least the second is if your a quick shoot, there are squeeze techniques that you can practice to hold off it will take some time and if rod manipulation isn't your bad well my friend get over it. Jerk that pole and recondition yourself. Yoga is a great way to help with this stretching and breathing control act . But if you rocking 3 inches Hard!
Public Enemy comes to mind " I can’t do nothing for ya man "
I really would like to help you so if there is a specific thing you are having problem with let me know then we can really try to solve the problem good luck and happy stroking.
This is a serious topic near and dear to my heart, Balddee loves to hear the lamentations of the women but I digress at first I wanted to just put a lot of points like #1 tickle her ass with a feather ect, but as with anything training yourself is the first step, my first question to you is "Are you sure your not pleasing her”?
Have you talked to her about what gets her off the problem with us (Men) is that we are trained to think that as long as your thrusting her insides out, your doing the job and sadly that isn't the case it's not even part of the solution.
Whaaatt t dats crazy talk.
Well lets say your above average in size you may be hurting her and not pleasing her, talking to her about what she likes helps and also gives you an idea of what you can do to help the situation plus what pleases you, are you some over achiever?
Are you so into the Porn orgasm that you’re not in tune to what is going on in your own bedroom?
There are certain things you can do, I am a firm believer in conditioning oneself into a fighter in this case you want to be a sexual one can you dance?
I ask this because knowing how to move your body especially your hips helps a lot especially if your small and there's no shame in it, just don't say stupid things like "Who's your daddy “ or Am I wrecking you Honey am I wrecking you " saying those things when you are small or if you just are a lame missionary man is pathetic so forget the porn style ramming and think selfless lover instead.
There's the old know your prey mentality if you don't know where the special parts are maybe it's time to slow down and first read a book especially one with pictures so you have an understanding of where the target is and I don't mean the vagina you cant be a big game hunter if you don't understand what your hunting.
The clit needs to be your friend Master the Clit you Master the Universe.
That is the key to victory and yes I said victory slow down your approach and work on the Foreplay yeah it's redundant, you’ve heard it a millions times but really it's the best way to provide her with the best overall experience. Imagine if you get her going and more importantly get her off several times before you even begin to think about penetration then you my friend have arrived, there is nothing better then seeing a women orgasm, to feel her body tighten and shake, to hear her breathing change as it gets faster and deeper and yes even deeper to see her taunt breast tremble ever so tenderly, to kiss her lips as they get cold from the wetness of her saliva, reel in the joy, as she looses herself to the sensation, to feel her soft yet firm thighs relax and release on your shoulders sorry ..
You will notice I didn't ask if you shot the sheriffs to soon or if your Pipe isn’t up to code those are situations that are difficult to solve well at least the second is if your a quick shoot, there are squeeze techniques that you can practice to hold off it will take some time and if rod manipulation isn't your bad well my friend get over it. Jerk that pole and recondition yourself. Yoga is a great way to help with this stretching and breathing control act . But if you rocking 3 inches Hard!
Public Enemy comes to mind " I can’t do nothing for ya man "
I really would like to help you so if there is a specific thing you are having problem with let me know then we can really try to solve the problem good luck and happy stroking.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
They
The blinds closed and I want to sleep. They’re talking. They keep talking. Talking. Talking. Talking. I don’t care.
They have put images up around the office. Feel good comic strips that show me why I should care. The feel good people in the images say that this is something that I should want. That I should want this in order to better me: better me in the company, better my career or better my life.
They feed us into a hall like cattle. The high point is a day away from my computer, away from my thinking about my job; I don’t need to think about my job. They put fun things on the table. They want us to play with these things, to be creative with them but ultimately realize we are not supposed to pay attention to.
We put things up on the wall. They ask us to write what we think about the company. So we write. They gently correct us, No not what you think about the company what you think the company should think about you. We scratch over and draw again. They shake their heads again a slight smile breaking through, No, not that… there should be more positive comments, maybe a nice comment about your bosses…
They fire the girl next to me who stood up and said that all of this is bullshit. She put it a lot more eloquently than that. They fired her a lot more eloquently than what we heard.
They reiterate to us that this is important. They tell us that this is good for everybody and that the most important person is us. They ask us what message we received from our training. They challenge us to retain the lingo and the diversity of the message. Another guy is fired because he doesn’t know what was said in the message. Another nameless temp is hired to replace him at half the price.
And in my head I tick off the dollars of this customer service project. Because I am not really We or They or even Them I know the costs. I know what we spent on this and what could’ve been reinvested in the company towards their employees. In my head I question what was gained by being away from work for the entire day, by us abandoning our customers versus… this…
They draw a line on a board. This line begins at a low part and squiggles in dramatic ups and downs before resting on the up and up. They give me two post it notes and ask me to put them on the board. One post it note is to indicate where I felt I was before the Customer Service Training, the other to indicate after. The journey of my contemporaries already dot the board.
I’m tired. So tired. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t know what I don’t want to wake up from. I hold two post it notes. Neither of them matter to me. They care. I know what I should do. But why?
They have put images up around the office. Feel good comic strips that show me why I should care. The feel good people in the images say that this is something that I should want. That I should want this in order to better me: better me in the company, better my career or better my life.
They feed us into a hall like cattle. The high point is a day away from my computer, away from my thinking about my job; I don’t need to think about my job. They put fun things on the table. They want us to play with these things, to be creative with them but ultimately realize we are not supposed to pay attention to.
We put things up on the wall. They ask us to write what we think about the company. So we write. They gently correct us, No not what you think about the company what you think the company should think about you. We scratch over and draw again. They shake their heads again a slight smile breaking through, No, not that… there should be more positive comments, maybe a nice comment about your bosses…
They fire the girl next to me who stood up and said that all of this is bullshit. She put it a lot more eloquently than that. They fired her a lot more eloquently than what we heard.
They reiterate to us that this is important. They tell us that this is good for everybody and that the most important person is us. They ask us what message we received from our training. They challenge us to retain the lingo and the diversity of the message. Another guy is fired because he doesn’t know what was said in the message. Another nameless temp is hired to replace him at half the price.
And in my head I tick off the dollars of this customer service project. Because I am not really We or They or even Them I know the costs. I know what we spent on this and what could’ve been reinvested in the company towards their employees. In my head I question what was gained by being away from work for the entire day, by us abandoning our customers versus… this…
They draw a line on a board. This line begins at a low part and squiggles in dramatic ups and downs before resting on the up and up. They give me two post it notes and ask me to put them on the board. One post it note is to indicate where I felt I was before the Customer Service Training, the other to indicate after. The journey of my contemporaries already dot the board.
I’m tired. So tired. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t know what I don’t want to wake up from. I hold two post it notes. Neither of them matter to me. They care. I know what I should do. But why?
the first 18 hours
resisting was futile. we were to become a team whether we wanted to or not. together, blindfolded. together, shoved on a shortbus. together, lead kindergarten-style into an undisclosed hotel room. you can tie our hands together, make us wear each other's clothes and even (lord help us) sleep next to each other, but you cant, that's CAN-NOT, folks, force me to let Todd hump my leg. that is NOT, in my humble opinion, a positive team-building experience.
piled into the two rooms with the blinds closed and the in-between safety/fire door propped open, it became apparent that at least 50% of us had not showered in the last few days. Simon #1 remedied this by exiting the room. close on his heels was Simon #2 promising towels and soap. this was about when i realized how bare bones our abode was. i was sitting on a cot with white sheets shelacked in place. so was harmon. so was balddee, mule and ellen. todd hovered over marjorie who was sitting in a desk chair backwards, legs splayed. the chair seemed to be the only other thing in the room besides sterile beds, smelly people and white walls.
it did occur to me that we may have been placed in an asylum. i was confused as to why i was included in this mass raid. i dont think we'll be given answers any time soon.
the following events occured last night. i have only now opened my eyes to the day, scared to do more than paraphrase as the Simons are coming back and have promised macreme, trust falls, motivational speeches and jello.
contraband flasks were passed. contents not available for disclosure.
mule donned the french maid costume
marjorie demonstrated her rage on balddee's ego
todd [humped] - edited for discresion
harmon stood idly by... and yet participated
the temperature rose... and fell... and rose again
a lightbulb was broken
the bathroom door stayed locked for over an hour. head count in room: 4
mule played the part of the Professor and hooked up the curtain rod with a paperclip to his iPod and managed to magnify the sound using only a complementary plastic cup.
the music blog was born.
piled into the two rooms with the blinds closed and the in-between safety/fire door propped open, it became apparent that at least 50% of us had not showered in the last few days. Simon #1 remedied this by exiting the room. close on his heels was Simon #2 promising towels and soap. this was about when i realized how bare bones our abode was. i was sitting on a cot with white sheets shelacked in place. so was harmon. so was balddee, mule and ellen. todd hovered over marjorie who was sitting in a desk chair backwards, legs splayed. the chair seemed to be the only other thing in the room besides sterile beds, smelly people and white walls.
it did occur to me that we may have been placed in an asylum. i was confused as to why i was included in this mass raid. i dont think we'll be given answers any time soon.
the following events occured last night. i have only now opened my eyes to the day, scared to do more than paraphrase as the Simons are coming back and have promised macreme, trust falls, motivational speeches and jello.
contraband flasks were passed. contents not available for disclosure.
mule donned the french maid costume
marjorie demonstrated her rage on balddee's ego
todd [humped] - edited for discresion
harmon stood idly by... and yet participated
the temperature rose... and fell... and rose again
a lightbulb was broken
the bathroom door stayed locked for over an hour. head count in room: 4
mule played the part of the Professor and hooked up the curtain rod with a paperclip to his iPod and managed to magnify the sound using only a complementary plastic cup.
the music blog was born.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Balddee cant Wait to vote
The world is a shallow place, full of people who would rather see others suffer for there own gain no matter what .
The basic needs of our society are tossed to the side the old shell-game is displayed mercilessly, in television ads, all across the country every excuse is used to blame the other side for the fall of the country when they both profit from the chaos.
We live in a communist society we have been for years but it's real obvious now, false words and the bravado of Democracy, hypocrisy and denial rule the day.
Fear of other Races, Sexual Preferences and Religions have finally begun to surface, the false melting pot mentality that this country has always been has finally begun to show true to the rest of the world but we all don't see it.
To have a different point of view on any of the major topics of the day are strictly forbidden, your told what stance to have on anything I'm wrong, pick your News station or Radio Shock talk analyst and then correct me, the Nation that thrives on Assimilation is being challenged to have your own opinion is dangerous, to feel differently about a cause is incorrect, but we hate Dictatorships.
Go and vote
The basic needs of our society are tossed to the side the old shell-game is displayed mercilessly, in television ads, all across the country every excuse is used to blame the other side for the fall of the country when they both profit from the chaos.
We live in a communist society we have been for years but it's real obvious now, false words and the bravado of Democracy, hypocrisy and denial rule the day.
Fear of other Races, Sexual Preferences and Religions have finally begun to surface, the false melting pot mentality that this country has always been has finally begun to show true to the rest of the world but we all don't see it.
To have a different point of view on any of the major topics of the day are strictly forbidden, your told what stance to have on anything I'm wrong, pick your News station or Radio Shock talk analyst and then correct me, the Nation that thrives on Assimilation is being challenged to have your own opinion is dangerous, to feel differently about a cause is incorrect, but we hate Dictatorships.
Go and vote
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Growth
We're all gathered here today for the big announcement from upper management. I don't even know who they are, half the guys on the board of directors look like the uglier Simon of Simon & Simon fame. I'm mesmerized by the combined power of their mustaches. This may be less than coherent due to my infatuation with really shitty facial hair.
Anyway, like I said, we're all here in the conference room. It's got a nice view of Coitus Lake (one of the less popular of Minnesota's revered 10,000). Satchel and Bel are looking dreamily off onto the horizon and just smiling at each other. Get a room! Or wait, are they brother and sister? Who hired them again? Bel's kinda hot.
Mule, being the jackass that he is, has his Chuck Taylor's up on the table. Ellen is wearing a French maid's outfit but she's been refusing to clean for the last week and she's totally ruining the whole French maid vibe. Where's the inappropriate feather dusting? She's training in the new girl, Marjorie, who so far as I can tell is a militant lesbian. I don't think French maid outfits are supposed to come with camo stockings but it's not hot. It's the opposite of hot. Which fucking sucks. I thought we specified in the application that sexy lesbians were okay but not angry militant ones. I'm okay with people being indifferent to my penis but c'mon, don't hate the guy. Also, Marjorie has a horrible lisp.
Todd Dancer looks like an old horse. As my grandma used to say he's been rode hard and put away wet. I think he just shaved in the bathroom. His chest. Shaved his chest.
Baldee and Dr. Gonz are chattering about some social issue or something. It's cute how they care. I don't know. Why are we here? Whatever happened to Remo? I think the board members are gonna talk.
Yep, Simon #1 just confirmed what we all knew was coming. We have a growth problem. Later this week The BMC will be adding a few new websites to the mix. Dealing with Music and Movies and possibly books or something. Watch for more info. We're just setting it up now. Here's what Simon #2 just said.
Simon #2: With the exciting new growth this quarter we're looking for you to be more consistent as a workforce. We feel like there isn't a lot of trust between you. This is evidenced by the recent ripping on Harmon in polls and the comments. We can't grow if we're not a team.
Todd Dancer: I'll show you growing, c'mere Ellen!
Marjorie: That ith groth!
Todd Dancer: If you're lyin' you're dyin' babe.
Baldee: Fuck Harmon!
Mule: Yeah!
Simon #3: See, this is the problem we're having. So we've signed you all up for Team Building at the Richfield Sheraton. You'll all be staying together for the week and going through various excercises as a unit.
Todd Dancer: Fuck Harmon!
Simon #1: Duly noted Todd. Thanks for the input.
Harmon: I'd rather get ripped on by them then do a teambuilding thing in Richfield.
Simon #5: You don't have a choice. You each have suitcases ready for you by the doorway. I suggest you grab one on your way out. As part of the teambuilding, to create a real sense of unity, we've supplied you all with team uniforms for the week. We've arranged a bus to transport all of you to the Richfield Sheraton immediately. Don't let us down.
So we're all sitting in the "bus" which is actually a minivan. Marjorie is on Todd's lap and I can actually see the lawsuit pending right now. They should have gotten another bus or van or something. Ellen is whispering in Dr. Gonzo's ear and they're both laughing. We'll be at the Richfield Sheraton in minutes but it feels like days.
They've got us all rooming together in two side by side rooms with the super lame mini door for convenience. But it's just two rooms. 9 people in two rooms. No cots. It's like The Real World: Richfield or something. What happens when coworkers stop being civil and start teambuilding? You'll know soon enough...All I know is that Baldee must have gotten one of the women's suitcases because he's wearing a t-shirt that stops at his belly button and a skirt. Either that or he thinks this is prison and he's hoping I'm gonna go gay for the stay with him.
I just saw Marjorie wearing baggie men's zubaz and mock turtleneck. They have The BMC logo all over 'em. I guess we know why Baldee's got the girly stuff on now. Are we sure this team is worth building?
Anyway, like I said, we're all here in the conference room. It's got a nice view of Coitus Lake (one of the less popular of Minnesota's revered 10,000). Satchel and Bel are looking dreamily off onto the horizon and just smiling at each other. Get a room! Or wait, are they brother and sister? Who hired them again? Bel's kinda hot.
Mule, being the jackass that he is, has his Chuck Taylor's up on the table. Ellen is wearing a French maid's outfit but she's been refusing to clean for the last week and she's totally ruining the whole French maid vibe. Where's the inappropriate feather dusting? She's training in the new girl, Marjorie, who so far as I can tell is a militant lesbian. I don't think French maid outfits are supposed to come with camo stockings but it's not hot. It's the opposite of hot. Which fucking sucks. I thought we specified in the application that sexy lesbians were okay but not angry militant ones. I'm okay with people being indifferent to my penis but c'mon, don't hate the guy. Also, Marjorie has a horrible lisp.
Todd Dancer looks like an old horse. As my grandma used to say he's been rode hard and put away wet. I think he just shaved in the bathroom. His chest. Shaved his chest.
Baldee and Dr. Gonz are chattering about some social issue or something. It's cute how they care. I don't know. Why are we here? Whatever happened to Remo? I think the board members are gonna talk.
Yep, Simon #1 just confirmed what we all knew was coming. We have a growth problem. Later this week The BMC will be adding a few new websites to the mix. Dealing with Music and Movies and possibly books or something. Watch for more info. We're just setting it up now. Here's what Simon #2 just said.
Simon #2: With the exciting new growth this quarter we're looking for you to be more consistent as a workforce. We feel like there isn't a lot of trust between you. This is evidenced by the recent ripping on Harmon in polls and the comments. We can't grow if we're not a team.
Todd Dancer: I'll show you growing, c'mere Ellen!
Marjorie: That ith groth!
Todd Dancer: If you're lyin' you're dyin' babe.
Baldee: Fuck Harmon!
Mule: Yeah!
Simon #3: See, this is the problem we're having. So we've signed you all up for Team Building at the Richfield Sheraton. You'll all be staying together for the week and going through various excercises as a unit.
Todd Dancer: Fuck Harmon!
Simon #1: Duly noted Todd. Thanks for the input.
Harmon: I'd rather get ripped on by them then do a teambuilding thing in Richfield.
Simon #5: You don't have a choice. You each have suitcases ready for you by the doorway. I suggest you grab one on your way out. As part of the teambuilding, to create a real sense of unity, we've supplied you all with team uniforms for the week. We've arranged a bus to transport all of you to the Richfield Sheraton immediately. Don't let us down.
So we're all sitting in the "bus" which is actually a minivan. Marjorie is on Todd's lap and I can actually see the lawsuit pending right now. They should have gotten another bus or van or something. Ellen is whispering in Dr. Gonzo's ear and they're both laughing. We'll be at the Richfield Sheraton in minutes but it feels like days.
They've got us all rooming together in two side by side rooms with the super lame mini door for convenience. But it's just two rooms. 9 people in two rooms. No cots. It's like The Real World: Richfield or something. What happens when coworkers stop being civil and start teambuilding? You'll know soon enough...All I know is that Baldee must have gotten one of the women's suitcases because he's wearing a t-shirt that stops at his belly button and a skirt. Either that or he thinks this is prison and he's hoping I'm gonna go gay for the stay with him.
I just saw Marjorie wearing baggie men's zubaz and mock turtleneck. They have The BMC logo all over 'em. I guess we know why Baldee's got the girly stuff on now. Are we sure this team is worth building?
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Conversations ~ three of nine
i saw an old photo of myself.
how old were you?
i don't know. i'm good with memories and monuments, not age.
explain.
i was old enough to know i wasn't unbreakable. but i hadn't been broken yet.
there's a certain kind of grace required of getting older.
grace is just a pretty way of handling failure.
so your plan is to dismiss it?
no.
you have no plan.
yes.
it wasn't a question.
i know.
the boy in the picture, what did he want in life?
that's the only part about my past that i understand. i didn't know what i wanted back then either.
so you never grew up?
i've grown.
we learn a lot as time passes. sometimes we don't realize it.
the more time you've had the less it means.
that applies to more than just time.
what about a life?
that's for you to decide.
i'm not good with decisions.
decisions are made whether you make them or not.
yes. no.
do you want to be the little boy in the photo again?
no. i just want him to get what he deserved.
what's that?
everything.
Random thoughts
I'm just sitting back listening to some Down tempo Jazz from Bugge Wesseltoft -Change .
Just kicking back and these questions start popping into my head, so I decided to jot them down and share them with you the people, please remember these are in no order and there really isn't a purpose or deep subject matter to any of this there just some Random thoughts .
If you Could be a Thundercat who would you be and Why ?
If people are rude to you at Work or in general is it because your to Sexy?
Why cant you run pedestrians over when there walking against the light or really slow on purpose ?
Which is worse someone hitting you in the Nuts OR, your nuts are itching and you cant scratch them ?
Why do Americans call Futbol, Soccer when the rest of the world call's it Futbol ?
If Animals could talk what language would it be ?
Is there an Italian Kiss, or do the French corner the Market ?
Is the Incredible Hulk the Strongest Superhero ?
Can you say something in a sexually harassing tone to someone on there last day at work and not get in trouble ?
What are Sweaters Puppets ?
Who came up with the name Cocks for Male Chickens ?
When you fart really loud and long do you too feel your stomach relax ?
Why don't they bring back Dance Fever ?
Just kicking back and these questions start popping into my head, so I decided to jot them down and share them with you the people, please remember these are in no order and there really isn't a purpose or deep subject matter to any of this there just some Random thoughts .
If you Could be a Thundercat who would you be and Why ?
If people are rude to you at Work or in general is it because your to Sexy?
Why cant you run pedestrians over when there walking against the light or really slow on purpose ?
Which is worse someone hitting you in the Nuts OR, your nuts are itching and you cant scratch them ?
Why do Americans call Futbol, Soccer when the rest of the world call's it Futbol ?
If Animals could talk what language would it be ?
Is there an Italian Kiss, or do the French corner the Market ?
Is the Incredible Hulk the Strongest Superhero ?
Can you say something in a sexually harassing tone to someone on there last day at work and not get in trouble ?
What are Sweaters Puppets ?
Who came up with the name Cocks for Male Chickens ?
When you fart really loud and long do you too feel your stomach relax ?
Why don't they bring back Dance Fever ?
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