Just to make sure that all watches are in synch, you should be coming up on 1:37 second mark of Tijuana Taxi
As we all know, life begins to have meaning again next Tuesday as our beloved Twins head away from the land of Apple Pie to the land of tree chopping tariffs. This trip to the Great, White North also puts in one corner the man that should have won the Cy Young vs. the second best pitcher in baseball. Say pleasant things to your love ones as the world may end in the conflict that here after ensues.
The picks will come in two short seconds, but, dear reader, there is something that is weighing on my mind. In a recent discussion with the eunuch, we stumbled upon an argument that almost reduced my sans-balls co-writer, and your dear friend Harmon, to tears. The argument was, of course, about the Bitch Sux.
It's Herman's (or Harmon, or whatever his name is) argument that he would rather see the Bitch Sox win than the Yankees. Did this insult me as a Yankees fan? No, I am not a Yankee's fan. It insults me because I am a fan of baseball. There are only four occasions that I will cheer for the Yankees, and this involves them playing again (in numerical order):
1) Those that shall not be named
2) The Braves
3) The Indians
4) St. Louis
**In an immediate look at this, one might discern that I do not like our Native American friends, this could not be further from the truth. I love Native Americans.
I would rather the Yankees win for the next twenty years than have the Bitch Sox finish with a record above 500. Even though the Yankees have paid for all the best players since they changed their name from the Highlanders and traded the play My Fair Lady for a chubby pitcher that was, at that time, playing for the Red Sox, I still have more respect for them than I do for the Bitch Sox. Even if you're not going to respect the team's practices, you still have to respect the players that they have paid to put in pin stripes.
Now, through tears and angry gestures that would put a female marsupial in heat, you'll hear your Mr. Harmon say that his precious Green Bay Packers didn't need to buy players to make a great sports heritage. But Green Bay is more or less a college football team. The major city center of Milwaukee, while having hosted past Packer games, nonetheless only supports one major sports team (the Brewers… I know, stop laughing). The college is in Madison and so by having all of these teams spread out, Wisconsinites are trained in not going to their home teams games and simply being an armchair hometown watcher. Green Bay's success and the Yankees success is similar to comparing Apples and Steak.
In the real news, the Good Guys are going to have a hard time this month. With the revamped Blue Jays, Oakland (who could be the second best team in baseball this year) and the Angels, our Twinkies have, perhaps the hardest first three weeks in baseball… as much as it kills me they're going to be 12 and 12.
But Baseball is back in session. Make yourself up a batch of popcorn, crack open a frosty brew and watch the Indians and the Bitch Sox battle it out on Sunday night. And hope, dear reader that the game goes 22 innings, that all of the pitchers end up getting injured and Thome is forced to retire from baseball.
6 comments:
I'd be offended if I didn't see this coming. Mule is the kind of guy that plans a surprise attack on a freight train but never bothers to remember that I've been watching him lay the tracks for the past month. It's kinda sad.
I can't believe I even need to clarify this as it would seem obvious to anyone with a soul, but here goes. The Yankees are the exact opposite of respectable. The Shite Sox or completely without honor and a terrible team run by satan himself, but the Yankees will always occupy the final circle in hell. If I could I would have the Yankees and Shite Sox go 3-159 every year (with their wins coming from head to head action) but alas I cannot control such matters. The Shite Sox are my enemy as I happen to believe in honoring the game and not in pissing on the finest championship the world has ever seen. But c'mon, the avarice and evil of the Yankees cannot possibly be defended.
Also, of note, Mule has a moderate little baseball affair going with the Cubs so his hatred for the Shite Sox must be seen through a Northside prism.
was that even English? People, do you see what I have to argue with. No wonder I drink so much
Short time reader, first time writer.
Why are the Twins having Spanish heritage night on May 3rd and African American heritage night on May 5th? I mean it's cinco de Mayo yet we are celebrating African-Americans. What the hell?
bonesaw
You guys are both complete morons. Though I don't know what I should expect from the average Twins fans. You can continue to be as bitter as you choose About the WORLD SERIES CHAMPION Chicago WHITE SOX. But at least until the end of 06 thats just what they will be.. And as for how this season goes we will all just have to wait and see.
I'm late to the party. That Packer stuff made no sense. I thought Milwaukee had pro basketball team? I missed your point..
As usual Mule has no point. He just babbles on incoherently until you stop listening. Also, he has a heavily closeted crush on the Packers but won't admit it because he's a child.
Bonesaw brings up a valid question. Just why are the Twins celebrating black people on Cinco De Mayo? Maybe this is counterprogramming? Maybe the Twins know they can't compete with the Cinco De Mayo celebrations so they don't even try and go the other way?
LittleBMouse - I'm so glad we found you. Hey everybody it's the 5th White Sox fan! Now God will let me into heaven no matter what I do on earth. I found 'em! He(or she) exists! I'm also impressed at your ability to use a computer, the other 4 White Sox fans are all so old they still think of Shoeless Joe as "that sweet swingin' kid".
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