Dare to Dream

Mornings should not exist; people should not exist in mornings.

But perhaps before the institution is chastise it should first be defined. The classic definition of mornings has it extending until 12 PM, or noon (hence setting up the time period of "afternoon") . The more modern understanding of morning places it somewhere until about 10:30-11 AM or roughly the time directly before brunch.

My proposal is that mornings should exist for the three hours after an individual wakes up. Therefore: If Test Subject A wakes up at 7 AM he should be deemed completely worthless and unapproachable until 10 AM. Or: If Test Subject B wakes up at 11 AM, morning technically ends at 2 PM.

Some basic outlying principles should be placed into effect for anybody living in the state of Morning:

• There shall be no sentences over ten words long
• Words existing in these sentences shall be less than four syllables
• No important events and/or needs and/or rhetoric that is expected to be committed to memory is admissible in arguments if person in the state of Morning is made aware during the morning
• All words should be spoken in a whisper or grumble
• In fact, no talking should be allowed at all ever, everybody should stare blankly at a wall while drinking coffee

In a perfect world, mute models would awaken us to the soft title track off of Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlantacism while serving us coffee. The drive into work should be pleasant, sans loud chattering DJs and yet not NPR whose piano into forte voices are crueler than a snooze alarm. At work, anger will turn into rapture as a heathen morning person accosts and then is taken out to the front lawn to be hanged by Gary from accounting.