eau claire

believe, dear friends, believe. give parlance to hope. then again, maybe craig finn is right--maybe in the end nobody learns a lesson.

the check engine light came back on when i hit wisconsin, now the storm is here with the rain and wind and trucks trying to run me off the road. this is all being weighed against the last two weeks. two weeks of goodness--it's most likely madness to leave. it was buddy lunzer taking me under the wing, and the two of us hanging off one another as we enter the new twins stadium. under normal circumstances this would've been an uncomfortable situation for everybody around us if everybody around us wasn't doing the exact same thing. it was the curling club for the weekend. somebody was trying to pull me in a direction, but i still have this annoying, grounding feeling like i can't or shouldn't. and friends. friends. friends...

worse than the storm is thinking about this upcoming weekend. this is the conversation i did not have with any of my friends because i know exactly how it would happen. i would jones around for something and end up saying, "but it's the twins playing in chicago."

and the chorus would chime in with the refrain, "this is a bad idea" and "what do you really think is going to happen out of this?"

i'm barely outside of eau claire and can barely see anything because of the semi in front of me kicking up the rain off the road. the music is blared to eleven, and i'm getting wet because, of course, i need a cigarette in this situation. foolish as it may be, the smoke talks to me. the smoke reassures me that all i can do is go. if i'm crucified then at least i'll know i did what i could.

and that's chicago. this is starting over again. finding my way. it's where i've been headed for a long while. this is about starting over, cutting it up, blowing up the bullshit and just being. alone or with an army of folk, this is the birth of me.

all there is to do now is check the blindside for traffic coming on my left and ease the pedal further down onto the floor. pick up speed, pass the truck. head home.