Pitchers and catchers reported last Saturday for softball spring training and some position players were on hand to take light batting practice and infield drills. First baseman Matt Monk went on record saying "We, uh, just wanna say that we're going to, uh, improve on what we did, ah, last year and, uh, that we want to make sure that we're, um, swinging the bats right and getting going early on."
The C Beer League Rex Kwon Do that posted a dismal 2 wins to 20 loss record last season, are pleased with their off season acquisitions. The sole representative from foreign lands on Rex Kwon Do, star second baseman Juan Rhitter had this to say, "I like tomato ketchup. Happy Thanksgiving playing with Kwon Do Rex. Good people. I fucked your mother last night."
Such notable off-season pick-ups as Carl Travesty are what general manager Hank Rincon is hoping will solidify the shaky defense and sleepy bats from last year. This has been quickly dismissed by Dr Gonzo on her website yesterday where she was quick, yet again, to point out that there still is a major hole at third base and in left center field. While pundit Jebus Gurl has lambasted the squad repeatedly for not having picked up a professional leadoff bat.
"They should've traded the entire team for draft picks."
Though not required to report with pitchers and catchers, the absence of Right fielder Joe Dan was felt by all teammates. Dan, who was aquired in the Rule V draft midseason last year, was not available for comment. Dusty Froeson, the teams manager, declined to comment if their new pocket outfielder is holding out for more money.
Also of question is the arm of catcher and utility outfielder Andru Vin. Vin, who injured his arm throwing a ball from shallow right center last year to the cut off man, is now contemplating throwing sidearm. "I'll be the first left handed, side arm throwing catcher the league has ever seen."
According to C Beer League historian Peter Gammons, this isn't completely true as their was one in the early '90s named A.J. Pieruglyski who was part of the notorious Black Sox. He was finally forced to quit the game after hitting too many batters while trying to throw the ball back to the pitcher and subsequently being smacked in the face by the angry batter. "They literally smacked the love of softball out of him and forced him into playing baseball. On a side note, these savage beatings are also what turned him into the biggest jerk in baseball. Well, that and the fact that he has a small cock and balls."
Yes, the boys of summer are in fine form.
--this was done in conjunction with Kelly Thesier, who is still just happy to be here
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I sorry am I reading the scores wrong or did the twins get creamed three times by your favorite team in the world. I would have been happy with even two of the three games as even the greatest teams have to lose every now and then. But now the winning streak is up to eight. I do not think I can contain the elatement. All I got to say is who the bitches now. Thats right that'd be you.
"get creamed"? what are you a Grease fan or something? Do you have any slang from the last 20 years or are you gonna call us a couple of whippersnappers? No wonder nobody likes the Bitch Sox, all 6 of their fans are fucking morons living in the past. I can't blame you for being excited though, I mean, your team did manage to beat up on the Tigers and Royals and then take down the Twins with their two hottest hitters out of the game. That is something to be proud of. Way to go on that. I know you guys don't have much history (I mean other than the cheating and complete lack of integrity and stuff) to hang your hat on but jeez dude, it's a 3 game set in April, get a grip. For now I'll just have to accept that while the Twins may be struggling at least I don't have to watch a team that employs a total retard like the Hawk.
Post a Comment