California: Stay Away Chili Peppers

In what many legal experts are calling a shocking move, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Tuesday that he would sign a bill that would never allow the Red Hot Chili Peppers to use their states name in a song again. The bill was introduced by assemblymen Dick Mountjoy (A republican from Monrovia) as part of Save Our State: Part II, Armageddon Again.

Local Democrats are calling the bill "Election year propaganda and a tired remake of old stock footage."

One local businessman disgusted with his government stated, "Didn't we already see this movie? Isn't this whole thing based off of that movie Airheads or something?"

The bill, which quickly passed the House, is expected to be brought to committee in the Senate shortly. As the Governor’s translator is expecting deportation due to the new immigration laws, most of the Governor's speech was incompressible. Margita Thompson, the governor's press secretary, did say that this would be used in the Governor's upcoming re-election campaign or bid for the Presidency. "Most likely we'll use the Governor's strong gestures with the song Born in the USA played over it."

This announcement comes as a major blow to the Chili Peppers on the release of Dani California, the hip new single coming off of their forthcoming Stadium Arcadium Album.

The state of Indiana looks like the front runner for accepting the Chili Peppers bid for asylum. Legal Advisor to Bad Mother Coitus, Marlon Maxey sites, "This could deepen the animosity between California and Indiana, two well known enemies within the Union going back all the way to the Civil War. Indiana represents the next logical stop for bands from Los Angeles [California] to migrate to. Both cultures are virtual mirrors of intelligence to one another."

Undisclosed sources close to the Chili Peppers state that re-issues of their back catalog could be in the works: Indianification and a reworking of Under the Bridge as a touching tribute and an olive branch to former University of Indiana Head Coach Bob Knight. Spokespeople for VH1 are already in the works updating the Chili Peppers Behind the Music. Although one member of VH1 has disclosed "They're moving to fucking Indiana, how do we make this end on a positive note?" No release date for the updated show has been announced.