KFAN is the Twin Cities primary sports talk station. They're home to the Vikings and Timberwolves broadcasts. I think they even did/do the Lynx for God's sakes. Which, well, that's just another reason why I hate the NBA. It's not enough that they waste air time with real NBA games but they push their little sister crap on the air too. I mean c'mon, it's the middle of the summer when they play right? Like I couldn't have a baseball show or training camp talk? Are they trying to turn me into that guy that just checks out audio books by Oprah approved authors or something? Cuz I'll do it motherfucker. I will fucking do it.
Actually no I won't.
The biggest problem with KFAN is that they have an ego of Philly Mick proportions. They are the FIGJAM of radio. They act like congressmen. They tell us they know what we need and they'll give it to us whether we want it or not. And yes I just compared them to congressmen. I won't say anything more offensive than that all day. KFAN'S basic conceit is that they're not a sports talk station because anyone who talks about just sports is an idiot. So they talk politics and race relations and movies and whatnot as well as sports.
They may well be as smart as they think they are. Or maybe the audience is actually as stupid as they assume. I mean, you could be a total fucking moron or semi-retarded or maybe something we've never even seen before, something new in the world of stupid...like littlebmouse. But to assume that the audience only listens to you and your programming? Well that's just egotastic fuckstick masturbation of the highest order.
The curious part of this is why would I want to hear an interview with the governor or some high falutin' writer in DC conducted by a guy who can barely string 3 sentences together without taking time out to pat himself on the back for not being a simple minded sports nut? If I wanted real news I'd listen to somebody intelligent enough to give it to me. There are plenty of stations to listen to for local government choices, for interesting plays to see and all that other stuff they call culture in their learning books. But when I want me some sports I've got one place to go in this town. If KFAN were your friend he would be the one with the metro bracelet and the tongue piercing and a tattoo of a butterfly on his shoulder and you and all your friends would know it's just a matter of time before he came out of the closet but for now he just goes on lying to himself and pretends that he is just really into women's handbags and doesn't think it's weird that he can speak knowledgeably on the subject. It's awkward for everyone involved.
It's one thing to act like you know or are interested in many topics. But everyone still tunes in to learn who the vikings will draft or how the Twins did or which Timberwolf pretended to be injured so he could record a rap album no one will ever hear. I don't understand why they antagonize their audience? Call me crazy but there are a bunch of people in this town who like to, through the course of their day, find out how the local 9 is doing. But instead they're treated to the nonwitty repartee of the king of nepotism (take a bow Chad Hartman) jousting with some local political wonk about sewage systems in blaine or whatnot. And seriously who names their city "blaine"? Is that where everyone who ever lost a fight moved and when they formed the town they went with the biggest pussy name they could think of? Perfect place for the Vikings to move actually.
And yes I do have the good sense to be a Packer fan.
The station has people who specialize in Football (Mike Morris and Paul "I will take it up the chute for Hall & Oates" Allen), Hockey (Puffy), Basketball (Sludge and Lake, Barreiro, Hartman) and I think one of the morning guys has a hardon for Nascar too. That's not even a joke. Someone publicly admits he watches that crap. If Dale Earnhardt's mustache came back from the grave and won the Indy 500 while dragging his rotted corpse behind it I still wouldn't give a crap about that sport. But not one of these yokels know a thing about baseball. Only the 2nd most popular sport in the area. But maybe I'm just talking crazy.
No, I'm not.
Their website's a hoot and a half too. Especially "rubechat" where the moronic rubes can argue over important stuff, y'know, like this...To log in and create an avatar on Rubechat is to willingly admit that you have no life. Like wearing sweatpants and an '87 twins world series tshirt everyday.
I leave you with this. Over the noon hour you have the choice of listening to Dan "The Common Man" Cole or Jim Rome on KFAN'S sister station. Dan Cole doesn't do a radio show. He has long conversations with his golf buddies about how they played on air. It's a trainwreck on a daily schedule, which is impressive in it's own way. Now compare him with Jim "Man I REALLY wish I was black so I could represent" Rome. Wow. Having to choose between these two spunkmonkeys for sporting info is a new circle of hell. I believe it's in between the third and fourth circles. They're considerably worse than Cerberus the three headed dog.
Not so bad as Plutus though.
Canto 6.5 was omitted from the publishing of the Inferno but I think it had to do with the sin of being a shitty broadcaster. It may have gotten lost in the translation though.
Seriously look at this doofus. A face for radio and a voice for Newspaper - he's a double threat.
Also, one last programming note. Due to repeated agitation and mockery littlebmouse is now an official link. You have my anger. And my respect. Thanks for not running away like Mule does after a vicious smiting on xbox. By the way, the scale is tipped like 98% anger and 2% respect. It's all I can offer at this time.
Rating
KFXN The Score - Zero parts of Awesome. They bring nothing to the table.
KFAN The Fan - Aw.
1 comment:
I can't stand KFAN!
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