chapter eleven

Inside of Remo’s office the corpse of the former occupant felt itself reanimate. There was a strange sensation that it couldn’t move certain parts of its’ body and there was the intense need for human flesh.

Dead Remo opened its’ eyes and saw Chuck Funk, beginning to sit up, somebody it thought was Johnny Bookreport was there too though he had a giant hole where a face used to be, also there was another individual who no longer had a head but still made random gesticulations of profanity.

Dead Remo looked down at its’ waist and noticed that its’ legs were missing. “This is going to be a bit of an issue.” It announced to the group, surprised by how low and masculine its’ voice had shrank.

“What do we do now?” Dead Chuck Funk asked, speaking for the rest due to the fact it was the only other one capable of parable.

“We need a plan.” Dead Remo said, noticing that the detached legs were starting to move as well. To motivate the troops it asked them, “I ask you, is this a job for intelligent men?”

Dead Chuck Funk, also aware of movie quotes, spoke next, “Well show me one and I’ll ask him.”

Dead Remo pulled itself up onto the desk, thankful again for the amount of attention it had paid, during the living life, to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s work out books. It picked up a dry erase marker from underneath the white board and started to jot down a ‘To Do’ list which included but was not limited to:

• Turn remaining part of the office into Living Corpse
• Go to Costellos for a/several drink(s)
• Turn the entire bar of Costellos so they're dead like me
• Take over St. Paul
• Take over the world as evil dictator and rule with iron fist
• Repent
• Turn legit

“Now can everybody see the rough schematic that I’ve drawn? I apologize for the crudeness of it, I wasn’t able to draw it to scale.”

“They don’t have eyes.” Dead Chuck quipped, ever helpful.

“Right. Well, can they hear anything?”

“How the fuck should I know?”

“Okay, fuck it, we’ll have to go to Plan B. We’ll just go out and kill everything, then take over the entire world, after a quick stop at the local just down the street for nourishment.”

Their plan fell on problems though as both of them lacked real hands to open the door with and so elaborate communications with the other two corpses’s began. After much work, the door was opened and the pile of cubes that had been in front of them was knocked down.

And then there in front of them was a virtual smorgasbord of human flesh.