Castration and the Dating Girl

With all of the changes that have been happening at the BMC, I took a quick time out to meet with Marlon Maxey, legal representative to Bad Mother Coitus and the Greatest Beer Drinker in St. Paul, to re-evaluate the implications that could occur should we decide to let Ellen the Intern go.

Maxey has one of the finer legal minds in the entire metro area, however with the mantel of Greatest Beer Drinker in St. Paul also comes responsibility; the responsibility to consume mass quantities of beer in order to keep up his reputation- it's a vicious, vicious cycle. Regardless of however his slurred speech came out, it didn't sound positive and thus we decided to promote Ellen.

Elevating Ellen from an intern to Senior Vice President of Advertising may seem like a brash move on our part. This is made more complicated as we have three people that actually read the articles and, there-by, don't have much of a market to promise our would be advertisers.

But Ellen and I sat down to have our chat about where she feels the advertising in the company should go and what she is going to do to take it there. In all honesty my heart wasn't really in it. Ellen's wasn't really either. She has broken with the Communistic party sighting the abdication of power by Fidel Castro. When I told her it was only for a brief time she pushed her index finger against my lips and told me not to say another word.

She's been reading books on castration lately; light reading for the girl that recently completed reading the Communist Manifesto, and selected works by John Locke and David Hume. The castration, she tells me as she catches my eye eking over the cover, is for her boyfriend. She has grown vexed with him as she believes he slept with another woman.

She sites an evening when her boyfriend was taken out to dinner by a mysterious female friend on a trip down to San Diego. When he didn't respond to a Photoshopped picture of the two of them with Comrade Lenin from a worm’s eye angle, she became nervous. The next day he told her that he had fallen asleep. She doesn't have proof that he slept with this other woman and worse, now doesn't know if she wants to know the truth or if she already does know the truth. But she has become obsessed with it.

But one person's mental breakdown is another person’s gain! With Ellen being promoted to Senior Vice President of Advertising the door opens for other would be internees with the BMC! Think of it as the perfect fall job where you don't get paid but receive tons and tons of great experience. I take my coffee black!

An application will be posted on the site by Friday and we'll close the application process on or around Wednesday of next week.

Good luck to all and congrats to Ellen on her promotion. Sorry your boyfriend is cheating on you!