The question, of course, is who would we be if we were characters on Little House on the Prairie. It's a valid question. And timely. I've done much research on this subject and I think I've got it sorted out. Keep in mind that all these references pertain to life OUTSIDE the bedroom. INSIDE the bedroom we'd all be Pa. Michael Landon was loved by the ladies and we all know he could put it down. Don't even fuck with Pa...
...Well unless you're a smoking hot lady, like Ma, that is. Then go ahead and do what you like. I thought I should clarify that. Again this is an outside/inside the bedroom situation. Pa throws the ladies down IN the bedroom and roughs up the troubling outsiders OUTSIDE the bedroom. We clear? There's a reason you never saw the magic potion flimflam man in Pa's bedroom. Flimflam man knows how Pa gets down. Highway to Heaven indeed.
So, first the easy ones. Todd Dancer is clearly Nellie.
Always causing problems for the rest of us and then running for cover. Kind of a pretty boy (in his mind anyway). Plus he calls Mule "daddy Olson" and asks for hugs. To Mule's credit he only hugged him the one time and then immediately burned the shirt he was wearing. While it was still on.
Remo is handy and entertaining without ever doing a whole lot of damage. He's clearly Doc. Aiding when he can and just passing off random bits of knowledge when he can't. Fortunately none of us at BMC get sick very often because Remo hasn't been around much.
Balddee is, without a doubt, Almonzo. For one thing he would be the only one of us who would knock up Half Pint and also he has a bizarre name for a white boy. I like to think that Almonzo was the staff of Little House's plan to make people think they were diverse.
"hey we need to have a black actor on the show".
"I have an idea, let's give a lilywhite dude a black guy's name and see if anyone notices."
It clearly worked.
Mule gets a little tricky. I'm tempted to go in one of many different directions here but I think he was Mr. Edwards. Weird but friendly, a solid history of imbibing heavily. Kinda smelly. Yep, he's Mr. Edwards.
And me? I'm Mr. Olson. Come and get your hug Todd. Come to daddy.
Nah wait fuck that I'm Pa inside and outside the bedroom. Ladies wanna see my fiddle?
2 comments:
Wow, I think expounding upon your knowledge of that lost you more man points than when you went over the finer points of Rent.
You win the official Vag Badge of the day.
I'm not gonna lie, doing a blog on Little House sort of comes with that expectation. I accept it. And the only thing I've ever mentioned about Rent is that Rosario Dawson is beautiful. As flamingly gay as that show is she makes it seem like an old Wonder Woman show. You don't notice how ridiculous the other stuff is around her, you just remember Lynda Carter. That's how it is.
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