ghosts

i have long labored under the belief there is unfinished business in life. and this works for me on several different levels. there are things like how a cigarette tastes in chicago, how some nights taste like an evening in richfield (that sweet cusp of adulthood), or feeling the infinity when everything seems to fall into place. catching those moments almost feels like borrowed time or time given to me.

i think of this at a coffee shop cos the jones sitting across from me looks like an old grade school friend of mine. my folks moved the six blocks from st. paul to thorntown when i was eleven, forcing me to switch school districts, find new kids to bike around with, join a different baseball league. john was my best friend, but after i moved he slipped into the realm of mom reports, which were repeated to me after run-ins at the grocery store.

and it's not just old friends that come back to haunt me. there are times i see older or younger versions of family members, even myself. they'll be standing off to the side in a bookstore or down the bar. they never look at me as much as i look at them, and i wonder why they're there--if something special or horrific happens that day to if they get passes to come and visit me. still, a little direction from them would be nice.

john died probably twelve or fourteen years ago, meaning i haven't talked to him in well over half a lifetime. i believe he was one of two friends that threw themselves off the grain belt bridge in minneapolis--i've always felt too guilty to find out the specifics or, perhaps more importantly, the 'why-he-did-it'.

specters of the past, perhaps of the future, are around all the time. i know at this point of life there is no point in waxing sentimental about them. but it's comforting knowing they're there, that they're part of me. like john is now; he's happy, sitting on his mac, checking email--he looks younger than he should, but i like to think that's more of a personal choice.

Flight Delayed

If your still stuck in Europe due to the Icelandic Volcanic Ash blame Bjork .

That is all

Latinos Are Susceptible to Hypnotism or Latino Están Susceptible al Hipnotismo

I like many of you filled out the 2010 Census Forms and sent it back it took no time at all and for the most part pretty self explanatory the only part I kind of was like really ? Was the Negro option to define one’s Self.
Check box under African American, Black or Negro really ? What is that about ..Believe it or not that fun fact is not the Topic on hand this is ..

Many states are not filling out the 2010 Census forms and sending it back, now pay attention this is where is gets tricky .

Latinos I AM TALKING TO YOU !!

I have figured out why our Spanish Speaking brethren have not embraced the Census it’s very easy..

Latinos are easily susceptible to hypnotism . What ??

Yes that’s right, leave to me to get to the heart of the matter .

In States like Arizona , California, New Mexico and Texas there is a large Republican push to keep folks from filling out the forms especially if your race ends with a Can .

Dominican , Puerto Rican, Mexican why?

Because you will be the majority and that is a thought that frightens some people, so they are pulling out all there scary hypnotic rhetoric to keep you from participating.

You hear all the confusing hypnotic Conservative comments like ...

“ It’s really a form to intrude on your Freedom.”
“It’s not really anonymous “ and my favorite
“ They’re going to use this information to take you away Just like they did the Japanese after Pearl Harbor . “ ( Michelle Bachman you silly girl you)

Latinos wake up when I count to 3 and snap my fingers you will stop being fooled by a Party that does not like you organize, and realize this ..
El Censo envía dinero a su vecindario para Escuelas, otros acontecimientos de la Comunidad. si usted no es contado usted será dejado atrás

My Spanish may not be the best but you get the Point !
BLOVE Out

Kudos to Russia for Banning the U.S.

I for one am overjoyed that Russia has decided to ban U.S. Citizens from adopting their Children.
Why because right now this Country is crazy!!

The South thinks it’s a good idea to reignite the Confederacy, Tea Party Groups thrashing anyone who doesn’t share their views.

Pundits getting on T.V. shouting out that they want to destroy their Government, Governors backing the idea of Armed Right Wing Militia, Texas and other Southern States want to succeed from the Union.

Now more than ever is a good time to avoid coming to the U.S. especially if you’re a Foreigner.

I don’t blame the Russians, how are they to know that this country is going thru an attack from within, this attack comes from inbreed, Uneducated, delusional, super hypocritical, Bible thumping zealots.

We all know that this is Race Related, Black President; Brown People will be the Majority in a few years so the urgency right now to always bring up the “Founding FATHERS “ in conversation is the Rallying cry for Scared White Folks to unite.

Don’t get angry, but it’s true as of late a lot of these Southern States have been flat out useless, just spewing Hate and Terroristic threats to the Nation.
How would Russia know the inner workings or mind set of any America Citizen?

They like most Foreign Countries assume that America is still this land of Opportunity, where people can be level headed, Diplomatic , that the spirit of Live and let live is still fabric of the American way of life .

There is a pass that Americans get in Adopting Children from other Countries an unspoken entitlement.

Don’t believe me?

Who do you think would get First Consideration for this Child that was sent on plane?

The lady from Tennessee who sent the child back, a couple from Canada, Spain, or for Shits and Giggles let’s say S Africa or anywhere in Africa.

Who do you think gets First dibs...?

So Kudos to you Russia , as for any Child Seeking a loving Family I pray for you all no matter where you’re from but right now.

A Child with a Strong Accent trying to fit in to the Current Climate of THIS Nation let alone trying to fit in to the South.

HA That‘s an ABC movie waiting to happen.

Doing it Raw in the Middle E part 1

Life is long .
That’s right, life is long and everyone has a pocket of time that needs to be filled, filled with a different experience, everyone has to honor your Life, with a memory that you can take with you and pass that knowledge to the next person thus enriching there life.

This is the essence of the Human Condition this enriches the tapestry of the human condition .

For the first time in my life I am tossing caution to the wind and giving in, I am giving in to enriching my life the best way I know how, and I can’t think of a better way to start this journey then by adding Arabic women to my list of Women I need to Bang .

This revelation came to me while I was watching the Iran Election Struggle I will not comment on their President ( Make a Move I’m a Dinner Jacket ) I’m no Political Pundit but I digress.

Arabic Women at least in the Western World are not considered, Why this lapse in judgment?
I’m sure the real answer to that is some religious , political nonsense but I, unlike Europe and The Republican Party don’t hate the Arab World I want to Do it !!!

In men’s Magazines usually it’s Always European or North American or South American Ladies that get the top spots.. . So what does this mean ? Long Story Short !!!

It means Balddee is heading to the Middle East First Stop the Mecca of the Hot Chicks Lebanon .
Just remember I come in Peace to get a major Piece of your Countries Assets so brake out the Hookah and let’s DO this .. Like Brutus.

weakend

jonnie was invited only on a whim, and the other party goers don't necessarily like him for what he did. he still steals a glance at clara, who holds court amongst her friends and co-workers. clara's elbows rest on her spread knees, an ankle length skirt drapes down to the ground between her legs providing a back drop to the cigarette she occasionally pulls on between her long hair. she pushes out a long train of smoke, looking through the campfire at the couple arguing.

jonnie is curbed up on the uncomfortable bench--a recently liberated artifact from one of the parks, here, on the southside. next to him is some jones from her work; the only sober person at the party who is getting the full force of jonnie's humerous wealth. jonnie's trying to talk loud enough over the din so that clara can hear him; let her remember how funny he is.

clara joins in with the arguing couple. she's airing her own grievances against her current boyfriend, even though he's inside the house, unable to defend himself. tears are bubbling beneath her glasses, and she rolls her eyes up to the night sky above her as she wipes them away--the end of her cigarette comes close to her cheek.

jonnie excuses himself from his conversation, and is now leaning against the garage, now lighting a cigarette of his own. he's trying to look cool, but barely keeping his balance. clara turns a question on him, catching jonnie further off guard.

and he says something that he means, but backs-up on it saying it all doesn't really matter, it can't matter. and she takes it with a steamroller, running down whatever she wants. her co-workers and friends are set asunder, the drunkest one rushing inside to get her boyfriend.

the boyfriend comes out, a spray of rum escaping his lips as he spits out, 'who the fuck is jonnie'.

jonnie comes forward, listing this way or that. holding onto his beer in one hand, the cigarette in the other.

the first punch cracks jonnie's ribs, dropping him to his knees, his fallen beer pools in the cold, spring dirt. the second one smacks the other side, and now the boyfriend is asking, 'have you had enough?'

jonnie doesn't look at him but says, 'no, i think i need one more.'

another dull thud of fist punching through jacket, and jonnie falls onto his back, his head splashing into the beer puddle. he brings the cigarette up to his lips, wincing as he inhales, trying to think about what to do next.

eau claire

believe, dear friends, believe. give parlance to hope. then again, maybe craig finn is right--maybe in the end nobody learns a lesson.

the check engine light came back on when i hit wisconsin, now the storm is here with the rain and wind and trucks trying to run me off the road. this is all being weighed against the last two weeks. two weeks of goodness--it's most likely madness to leave. it was buddy lunzer taking me under the wing, and the two of us hanging off one another as we enter the new twins stadium. under normal circumstances this would've been an uncomfortable situation for everybody around us if everybody around us wasn't doing the exact same thing. it was the curling club for the weekend. somebody was trying to pull me in a direction, but i still have this annoying, grounding feeling like i can't or shouldn't. and friends. friends. friends...

worse than the storm is thinking about this upcoming weekend. this is the conversation i did not have with any of my friends because i know exactly how it would happen. i would jones around for something and end up saying, "but it's the twins playing in chicago."

and the chorus would chime in with the refrain, "this is a bad idea" and "what do you really think is going to happen out of this?"

i'm barely outside of eau claire and can barely see anything because of the semi in front of me kicking up the rain off the road. the music is blared to eleven, and i'm getting wet because, of course, i need a cigarette in this situation. foolish as it may be, the smoke talks to me. the smoke reassures me that all i can do is go. if i'm crucified then at least i'll know i did what i could.

and that's chicago. this is starting over again. finding my way. it's where i've been headed for a long while. this is about starting over, cutting it up, blowing up the bullshit and just being. alone or with an army of folk, this is the birth of me.

all there is to do now is check the blindside for traffic coming on my left and ease the pedal further down onto the floor. pick up speed, pass the truck. head home.